Columnist Rebecca Eckler responds to a reader who is second-guessing their decision to retire at the end of the year. The reader, in their early 60s with paid-off mortgage and financially secure, was initially excited about retiring but now worries about losing their sense of purpose and identity after friends and colleagues expressed concerns that they would be bored or miss being needed. Eckler suggests that her friend's reaction may be motivated by jealousy, and notes that it is common for people to continue working out of obligation rather than passion. She advises the reader to consider separating their friendships from their work life.
Written by the local model on 2026-08-18,
using this article's own text rather than the other coverage of the
same event (that is the story summary below).
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we → select → everything
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which → buy → work
Ask Rebecca is smart, honest advice to readers’ questions about life, family and relationships by columnist Rebecca Eckler.
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Ask → ask → Eckler
You can also send an email to NPadvice@postmedia.com.
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You → send → NPadvice@postmedia.com
I’m in my early 60s, and after more than 35 years working in an industry I’ve loved, I’ve decided to retire at the end of this year.
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I → ’m → year
I’m fortunate to be able to do so financially.
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I → ’m → ?
My children all have their own lives, my mortgage is paid off and my husband wants to keep working for another few years, mostly because he loves what he does.
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he → have → what
I’ve worked hard and was looking forward to not setting an alarm, responding to emails, meeting deadlines, sitting in virtual meetings and organizing my life around work.
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I → work → work
When I made the decision, I knew I could fill my days.
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I → make → days
I have friends I can finally see without rushing, movies I want to watch, books I want to read, places I want to travel, volunteer, do yoga or do nothing at all.
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I → have → nothing
And happily, I’m expecting my first grandchild in a couple of months.
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I → expect → months
But when I started telling my friends and colleagues, I was expecting them to be happy for me.
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them → start → me
But almost everyone reacted with some version of, “What are you going to do all day?”
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you → react → What
I’ve been told I’ll be bored within months, that I’ll miss feeling useful, that I’ll lose my sense of purpose and, most upsetting, that I’ll lose a large part of my identity.
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I → tell → identity
One friend even told me I should keep working because I’ll need a reason to wake up every morning.
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I → tell → reason
I’m now second-guessing my decision.
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I → guess → decision
I keep wondering whether they’re right.
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they → wonder → ?
Is the possibility of losing my identity, being bored or not being needed, good enough reasons to keep working?
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reasons → lose → working
— Ready to Retire, I Think
Dear Ready to Retire
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I → retire → ?
You have accomplished something 95 per cent of us sitting in virtual meetings fantasize about while pretending our cameras are frozen.
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cameras → accomplish → meetings
You no longer have to work!
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You → have → ?
I’ve spent most of my life complaining I’m too busy, so knowing I might one day complain that I’m not feels strangely aspirational.
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I → spend → life
I’m not suggesting you retire from some of your friendships or colleagues at the same time you retire from your job.
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you → suggest → job
I find their collective reaction a little perplexing.
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reaction → find → ?
Friends are generally supposed to be happy when we’re happy, even if they wouldn’t make the same choice.
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they → suppose → choice
It’s baffling to me that when you shared news you are excited about everyone suddenly expected you to produce a business plan for doing absolutely nothing.
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you → ’ → nothing
I’m going to say it.
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I → go → it
You’ll get to spend your days however you want while they’re still commuting, catching up on emails flagged 34 days ago, sitting through 90-minute meetings to discuss something that could have been summarized in a text, and wondering why Brad’s microphone still isn’t working in 2026 — all while they quietly calculate how many more years they may be stuck in their work grind.
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they → get → grind
That doesn’t make them bad friends.
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them → make → ?
There is something weird about how we treat retirement.
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we → be → retirement
So, let’s talk about this whole, “You’ll lose your identity” argument.
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You → let → argument
You didn’t become a person because you started working, so why would you stop being one because you stop working?
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you → become → ?
You are a wife, mother, friend, daughter, and I’m presuming an interesting human.
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I → presume → human
Why would retiring erase all that?
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retiring → erase → that
Maybe you’ll occasionally get bored.
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you → get → ?
We’re talking about boredom here, not a life-threatening disease.
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We → talk → boredom
We’ve become so uncomfortable doing nothing.
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We → become → nothing
God forbid you spend a Wednesday doing absolutely nothing and actually enjoy it.
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you → forbid → it
Maybe you’ll go to yoga at 11 a.m.
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you → go → a.m.
Maybe you’ll have lunch with a friend that lasts three hours.
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that → have → friend
…and 16 more, not listed.
