We independently select everything we recommend.
asserted
we → select → everything
Buying through us may earn us a commission, which supports our work.
uncertain
which → buy → work
Ask Rebecca is smart, honest advice to readers’ questions about life, family and relationships by columnist Rebecca Eckler.
asserted
Ask → ask → Eckler
You can also send an email to NPadvice@postmedia.com.
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You → send → NPadvice@postmedia.com
I’m in my early 60s, and after more than 35 years working in an industry I’ve loved, I’ve decided to retire at the end of this year.
asserted
I → ’m → year
I’m fortunate to be able to do so financially.
asserted
I → ’m → ?
My children all have their own lives, my mortgage is paid off and my husband wants to keep working for another few years, mostly because he loves what he does.
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he → have → what
I’ve worked hard and was looking forward to not setting an alarm, responding to emails, meeting deadlines, sitting in virtual meetings and organizing my life around work.
asserted
I → work → work
When I made the decision, I knew I could fill my days.
uncertain
I → make → days
I have friends I can finally see without rushing, movies I want to watch, books I want to read, places I want to travel, volunteer, do yoga or do nothing at all.
asserted
I → have → nothing
And happily, I’m expecting my first grandchild in a couple of months.
asserted
I → expect → months
But when I started telling my friends and colleagues, I was expecting them to be happy for me.
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them → start → me
But almost everyone reacted with some version of, “What are you going to do all day?”
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you → react → What
I’ve been told I’ll be bored within months, that I’ll miss feeling useful, that I’ll lose my sense of purpose and, most upsetting, that I’ll lose a large part of my identity.
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I → tell → identity
One friend even told me I should keep working because I’ll need a reason to wake up every morning.
asserted
I → tell → reason
I’m now second-guessing my decision.
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I → guess → decision
I keep wondering whether they’re right.
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they → wonder → ?
Is the possibility of losing my identity, being bored or not being needed, good enough reasons to keep working?
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reasons → lose → working
— Ready to Retire, I Think
Dear Ready to Retire
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I → retire → ?
You have accomplished something 95 per cent of us sitting in virtual meetings fantasize about while pretending our cameras are frozen.
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cameras → accomplish → meetings
You no longer have to work!
asserted
You → have → ?
I’ve spent most of my life complaining I’m too busy, so knowing I might one day complain that I’m not feels strangely aspirational.
uncertain
I → spend → life
I’m not suggesting you retire from some of your friendships or colleagues at the same time you retire from your job.
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you → suggest → job
I find their collective reaction a little perplexing.
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reaction → find → ?
Friends are generally supposed to be happy when we’re happy, even if they wouldn’t make the same choice.
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they → suppose → choice
It’s baffling to me that when you shared news you are excited about everyone suddenly expected you to produce a business plan for doing absolutely nothing.
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you → ’ → nothing
I’m going to say it.
asserted
I → go → it
You’ll get to spend your days however you want while they’re still commuting, catching up on emails flagged 34 days ago, sitting through 90-minute meetings to discuss something that could have been summarized in a text, and wondering why Brad’s microphone still isn’t working in 2026 — all while they quietly calculate how many more years they may be stuck in their work grind.
uncertain
they → get → grind
That doesn’t make them bad friends.
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them → make → ?
There is something weird about how we treat retirement.
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we → be → retirement
So, let’s talk about this whole, “You’ll lose your identity” argument.
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You → let → argument
You didn’t become a person because you started working, so why would you stop being one because you stop working?
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you → become → ?
You are a wife, mother, friend, daughter, and I’m presuming an interesting human.
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I → presume → human
Why would retiring erase all that?
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retiring → erase → that
Maybe you’ll occasionally get bored.
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you → get → ?
We’re talking about boredom here, not a life-threatening disease.
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We → talk → boredom
We’ve become so uncomfortable doing nothing.
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We → become → nothing
God forbid you spend a Wednesday doing absolutely nothing and actually enjoy it.
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you → forbid → it
Maybe you’ll go to yoga at 11 a.m.
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you → go → a.m.
Maybe you’ll have lunch with a friend that lasts three hours.
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that → have → friend
…and 16 more, not listed.
The Aporia
