A woman writes to columnist Rebecca Eckler about her recent breakup with her fiancé, who she had been engaged to for almost five years. They called off their wedding after having doubts about spending the rest of their lives together. The key issue now is what to do with the engagement ring, which was paid for by her partner but has strong sentimental value to her. Rebecca advises the woman to keep the ring, suggesting that it's a personal and emotional gift rather than a disputed property.
Written by the local model on 2026-08-25,
using this article's own text rather than the other coverage of the
same event (that is the story summary below).
We independently select everything we recommend.
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we → select → everything
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which → buy → work
Ask Rebecca is smart, honest advice to readers’ questions about life, family and relationships by columnist Rebecca Eckler.
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Ask → ask → Eckler
You can also send an email to NPadvice@postmedia.com.
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You → send → NPadvice@postmedia.com
I got engaged last year after being with my boyfriend for almost five years.
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I → engage → years
We were thrilled, our families were thrilled, and we started planning the wedding.
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we → start → wedding
Then, about a month ago, we called it off.
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we → call → it
As the wedding date got closer, we both started having doubts.
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we → get → doubts
After a lot of conversations, we admitted that while we loved each other, we weren’t sure we should spend the rest of our lives together.
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we → admit → lives
Basically, we didn’t share the same vision for our future together.
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we → share → future
So, we mutually ended the engagement.
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we → end → engagement
I’m heartbroken, but it was surprisingly amicable.
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it → ’m → ?
He paid for it and thinks I should give it back because it was given with the expectation that we’d get married.
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we → pay → expectation
I understand his point, but he chose it specifically for me, with my help, and I wore it every day for almost a year and consider it a gift.
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it → understand → year
I feel I’m not ready to give something back that meant so much to me.
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that → feel → me
My mother says to give it back and doesn’t understand why I want to hold onto it if I’m not going to wear it.
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I → say → it
My best friends say a gift is a gift.
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gift → say → ?
Another friend says we should sell it and split the money, but that feels like an even worse idea and makes me incredibly sad.
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me → say → idea
We managed to agree not to get married.
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We → manage → ?
How is deciding who gets the ring harder?
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harder → decide → ring
What’s your advice when an engagement ends mutually?
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engagement → ’ → ?
Does the ring belong to the person who bought it or the person it was given to?
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it → belong → it
I realize that is an extremely odd thing to say to someone who just called off her wedding, but I mean it.
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I → realize → it
You both figured out that love and compatibility aren’t always the same.
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love → figure → ?
But far less painful than realizing it after you’ve said “I do.”
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I → realize → it
Now we have the diamond engagement ring issue.
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we → have → issue
You had honest conversations and ended your engagement with kindness.
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You → have → kindness
And yet, the biggest conflict in your breakup involves a small piece of jewelry.
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conflict → involve → jewelry
I’m not sure when an engagement ring goes from being a romantic gift to disputed property, but apparently, it’s somewhere between cancelling the caterer and telling your relatives the wedding is off.
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wedding → ’m → relatives
A diamond may be a girl’s best friend, yet it can’t tell you the right thing to do.
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it → tell → thing
They’re gifts, status symbols, sometimes family heirlooms or a large financial asset — all sitting on one finger.
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They → ’re → finger
We attach love, tradition and “forever” to them.
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We → attach → them
That is, until forever gets cancelled.
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forever → cancel → ?
The fact that everyone has a different opinion should reassure you there isn’t a universally accepted rule for what happens to an engagement ring after a mutually agreed-upon breakup.
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what → reassure → breakup
I hate to break it to you, and everyone around you, but there isn’t an award for Most Gracious Ex-Fiancée.
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I → hate → Fiancée
I checked.
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I → check → ?
Returning it doesn’t make you kinder or classier.
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you → return → it
Keeping it doesn’t make you greedy or vindictive.
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you → keep → it
You don’t get relationship karma points for returning an engagement ring.
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You → get → ring
You won’t even get a Thank You card.
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You → get → card
…and 25 more, not listed.
