We independently select everything we recommend.
asserted
we → select → everything
Buying through us may earn us a commission, which supports our work.
uncertain
which → buy → work
Ask Rebecca is smart, honest advice to readers’ questions about life, family and relationships by columnist Rebecca Eckler.
asserted
Ask → ask → Eckler
You can also send an email to NPadvice@postmedia.com.
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You → send → NPadvice@postmedia.com
I got engaged last year after being with my boyfriend for almost five years.
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I → engage → years
We were thrilled, our families were thrilled, and we started planning the wedding.
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we → start → wedding
Then, about a month ago, we called it off.
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we → call → it
As the wedding date got closer, we both started having doubts.
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we → get → doubts
After a lot of conversations, we admitted that while we loved each other, we weren’t sure we should spend the rest of our lives together.
asserted
we → admit → lives
Basically, we didn’t share the same vision for our future together.
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we → share → future
So, we mutually ended the engagement.
asserted
we → end → engagement
I’m heartbroken, but it was surprisingly amicable.
asserted
it → ’m → ?
He paid for it and thinks I should give it back because it was given with the expectation that we’d get married.
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we → pay → expectation
I understand his point, but he chose it specifically for me, with my help, and I wore it every day for almost a year and consider it a gift.
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it → understand → year
I feel I’m not ready to give something back that meant so much to me.
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that → feel → me
My mother says to give it back and doesn’t understand why I want to hold onto it if I’m not going to wear it.
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I → say → it
My best friends say a gift is a gift.
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gift → say → ?
Another friend says we should sell it and split the money, but that feels like an even worse idea and makes me incredibly sad.
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me → say → idea
We managed to agree not to get married.
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We → manage → ?
How is deciding who gets the ring harder?
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harder → decide → ring
What’s your advice when an engagement ends mutually?
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engagement → ’ → ?
Does the ring belong to the person who bought it or the person it was given to?
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it → belong → it
I realize that is an extremely odd thing to say to someone who just called off her wedding, but I mean it.
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I → realize → it
You both figured out that love and compatibility aren’t always the same.
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love → figure → ?
But far less painful than realizing it after you’ve said “I do.”
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I → realize → it
Now we have the diamond engagement ring issue.
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we → have → issue
You had honest conversations and ended your engagement with kindness.
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You → have → kindness
And yet, the biggest conflict in your breakup involves a small piece of jewelry.
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conflict → involve → jewelry
I’m not sure when an engagement ring goes from being a romantic gift to disputed property, but apparently, it’s somewhere between cancelling the caterer and telling your relatives the wedding is off.
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wedding → ’m → relatives
A diamond may be a girl’s best friend, yet it can’t tell you the right thing to do.
uncertain
it → tell → thing
They’re gifts, status symbols, sometimes family heirlooms or a large financial asset — all sitting on one finger.
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They → ’re → finger
We attach love, tradition and “forever” to them.
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We → attach → them
That is, until forever gets cancelled.
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forever → cancel → ?
The fact that everyone has a different opinion should reassure you there isn’t a universally accepted rule for what happens to an engagement ring after a mutually agreed-upon breakup.
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what → reassure → breakup
I hate to break it to you, and everyone around you, but there isn’t an award for Most Gracious Ex-Fiancée.
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I → hate → Fiancée
I checked.
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I → check → ?
Returning it doesn’t make you kinder or classier.
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you → return → it
Keeping it doesn’t make you greedy or vindictive.
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you → keep → it
You don’t get relationship karma points for returning an engagement ring.
asserted
You → get → ring
You won’t even get a Thank You card.
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You → get → card
…and 25 more, not listed.
The Aporia
