The Aporia · I’m in my 40s and said ‘yes’ twice. Maybe I’m not the marrying kind?

Columnist Rebecca Eckler responds to a reader who has been engaged twice but never married, wondering if she's too picky or afraid of commitment. Eckler reassures the reader that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to finding love and settling down, and that having multiple attempts at marriage is not uncommon. According to Eckler, more than 9 million Americans have been married three times, and a quarter of Canadians between 35 and 64 are in subsequent marriages or common-law relationships. Eckler, who was 49 when she finally got married after a long string of relationships, argues that people should be allowed multiple chances at finding their "forever person."

Written locally by qwen2.5:14b on 2026-09-08, using this article's own text rather than the other coverage of the same event (that is the story summary below).

Story summary

A woman in her 40s has been engaged twice but never married, despite thinking she wanted to settle down. She attributes her hesitation to not being raised with a strong idea of marriage as a positive institution and having a lack of good examples of happy marriages in her life. Some people have blamed her for the failed engagements, suggesting she's too picky or afraid of commitment, but she questions whether this is really the issue. She's wondering if she genuinely wants to get married, despite previously saying yes to two fiancés. She notes that she thinks she loved both men, but something made her change her mind each time.

Written for “Marriage Expectations vs Reality” on 2026-10-23, grounded in this article and the 0 other(s) covering the same event.

📰 Marriage Expectations vs Reality

Entertainment · 1 article(s) covering the same event.

Nothing to compare against. No article is close enough to this one for the pipeline to have linked or judged the pair.

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Deborah Stokes

5 article(s) here · 1 carrying a prediction

🔮 I have rarely been more on a letter writer’s side while simultaneously believing she may be partially responsible for her own predicament.

2026-09-22 · assertive framing · A dreaded houseguest is coming for two weeks and I don’t want to be rude | Ask Rebecca

🔮 After that, she started showing small signs of anger and frustration, but nothing we couldn’t handle.

2026-09-15 · assertive framing · My darling 16-year-old daughter has turned into a monster and I’m terrified | Ask Rebecca

🔮 Buying through us may earn us a commission, which supports our work.

2026-09-08 · assertive framing · I’m in my 40s and said ‘yes’ twice. Maybe I’m not the marrying kind? | Ask Rebecca

🔮 Buying through us may earn us a commission, which supports our work.

2026-08-25 · assertive framing · We called off the wedding. It was amicable, except for this: Who gets the ring? | Ask Rebecca

🔮 Buying through us may earn us a commission, which supports our work.

2026-08-18 · assertive framing · I was excited to retire until I told my friends and now I am not so sure about my decision | Ask Rebecca

Also by Deborah Stokes

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My darling 16-year-old daughter has turned into a monster and I’m terrified | Ask Rebecca

2026-09-15 · National Post

We called off the wedding. It was amicable, except for this: Who gets the ring? | Ask Rebecca

2026-08-25 · National Post

I was excited to retire until I told my friends and now I am not so sure about my decision | Ask Rebecca

2026-08-18 · National Post

Nothing else under this byline is closely related to this article, so these are simply their most recent.

Last night, I looked across the room at my husband who I love, eating cereal straight from the box in his sweatpants, and was reminded again that I really like the guy.

framing: assertive · carried by 1 article(s) · first seen 2026-09-08

🔮 Buying through us may earn us a commission, which supports our work.

2026-09-08 · National Post

I’m in my 40s and said ‘yes’ twice. Maybe I’m not the marrying kind? | Ask Rebecca · assertive framing

We independently select everything we recommend. asserted

we → select → everything

Buying through us may earn us a commission, which supports our work. uncertain

which → buy → work

Ask Rebecca is smart, honest advice to readers’ questions about life, family and relationships by columnist Rebecca Eckler. asserted

Ask → ask → Eckler

You can also send an email to NPadvice@postmedia.com. asserted

You → send → NPadvice@postmedia.com

I’m in my mid-40s and I’ve been engaged twice but never married. asserted

I → ’m → mid-40s

For a long time, I thought I just wasn’t the marrying kind. asserted

I → think → time

Maybe I’m not. asserted

I → ’m → ?

But the truth is, I do want to get married and settle down. asserted

I → want → ?

Some people blame me for the fact that neither engagement worked out. asserted

engagement → blame → fact

They think I’m too picky or afraid of commitment. asserted

I → think → commitment

After two failed engagements, sometimes I wonder if they’re right. asserted

they → fail → engagements

I also wasn’t raised to see marriage as this great thing everyone should want. asserted

everyone → raise → thing

I never really saw the benefits of it or had a good example of what a happy marriage looks like. asserted

marriage → see → what

I thought I was in love with both of my former fiancés. asserted

I → think → fiancés

I said yes to marrying them. asserted

I → say → them

But obviously something made me change my mind. asserted

me → make → mind

People always say, “When you know, you know.” asserted

you → say → ?

Well, I thought I knew — twice. asserted

I → think → ?

I have no problem meeting people, and I don’t want to keep walking away from good men because I’m waiting for some huge feeling that may never come. uncertain

that → have → feeling

But I also don’t want to marry someone just because I’m in my 40s and feel like I should. asserted

I → want → 40s

So, how do you actually know when you’re in love enough to settle down with someone? asserted

you → know → someone

You found love later in life — do you really just know? asserted

you → find → life

— How Do You Know? asserted

You → know → ?

Dear How Do You Know: asserted

You → know → ?

I didn’t know there was a “marrying kind.” asserted

I → know → ?

With a section asking whether you can spend the next 40 years arguing over the room temperature? asserted

you → ask → temperature

You want to get married. asserted

You → want → ?

That makes you the marrying kind. asserted

you → make → ?

You just haven’t married anyone yet. asserted

You → marry → anyone

I recently read that more than nine million Americans have been married at least three times. asserted

Americans → read → ?

More than a quarter of coupled Canadians between 35 and 64 are in subsequent marriages or common-law relationships. asserted

quarter → couple → marriages

So, millions are allowed multiple attempts at finding their person. asserted

millions → allow → person

Yet, a woman in her 40s who has never been married is treated as if that is a personality trait. asserted

that → marry → 40s

I happen to believe there is someone for everyone. asserted

I → happen → everyone

I also don’t believe you just get one shot. asserted

you → believe → shot

I believe there are people who fit us in a way other people don’t. asserted

people → believe → way

Some people meet their forever person in high school. asserted

people → meet → school

Some meet them at 43. asserted

Some → meet → 43

Some marry the wrong person at 23 and meet the right one at 53. asserted

Some → marry → 53

I was 49 when I married after a rather impressive run of relationships suggesting I absolutely should never get married. asserted

I → marry → relationships

…and 30 more, not listed.

I’m in my 40s and said ‘yes’ twice. Maybe I’m not the marrying kind? | Ask Rebecca

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