In hindsight it might have been more, shall we say, diplomatic if Donald Trump had taken a few deep breaths after finding out that he had been overlooked for the Nobel peace prize for the second year running before virtually declaring war on Norway.
uncertain
he → say → Norway
But maybe we should just be grateful that he refrained from rubbishing the South African human rights activist Navi Pillay, who picked up the award, and shelved his plans to livestream the execution of the Norwegian prize committee.
asserted
who → refrain → committee
There again, you can understand the US president’s frustration.
asserted
you → understand → frustration
For it’s hard to think of someone who has done more to make the world a safer place.
asserted
world → ’ → more
Where would we be had not The Donald started a war with Iran which he shows no sign of knowing how to finish and which has forced up the price of global energy?
asserted
which → start → energy
And it was so good to see Trump intervening so positively in Russia’s war with Ukraine by appearing to side with the aggressor.
asserted
Trump → see → aggressor
These are just the things that everyone is looking for in a Nobel peace prize.
asserted
everyone → look → prize
The US president is also put out that no one has noticed he has personally ended eight global conflicts: though it would be helpful if he could let us know which ones they are as the rest of us are in the dark.
uncertain
rest → put → dark
Are they ones he has personally started – Trump appears disappointed that Argentina hasn’t invaded the Falklands again – or ones that only he knows about.
asserted
he → start → that
During a press conference at Chequers in 2025, he claimed to have brought a lasting peace between Albania and Azerbaijan.
asserted
he → claim → Albania
Maybe there’s other wars ongoing we just don’t know about.
asserted
we → ’ → wars
Perhaps Australia and New Zealand have been bombing each other for years with neither side noticing.
asserted
side → bomb → years
Trump looks a cert to retain Gianni Infantino’s Fifa peace prize – if only because it seems likely to be scrapped, making him the only winner.
asserted
him → look → prize
We may be facing higher levels of global threat and rising energy costs this autumn, but the political outlook isn’t totally bleak.
uncertain
outlook → face → threat
You’d need to have a major sense of humour failure not to be enjoying Reform sliding in the polls and falling out with one another.
asserted
Reform → need → one
Things seemed to start going wrong when the Guardian exposed Nigel Farage’s £5m bung from the Thai-based crypto-billionaire Christopher Harborne.
asserted
Guardian → seem → crypto
To this day, Nige has not been able to come up with a convincing explanation of how the money would be spent.
asserted
money → come → explanation
Then there was the Channel 4 sting when two of Farage’s closest political allies were caught allegedly trying to take an illegal overseas donation.
uncertain
two → be → donation
Nige’s excuse was that he wasn’t listening while he had a conversation with the donor.
asserted
he → listen → donor
Who hasn’t dozed off when there’s £500,000 at stake?
asserted
Who → doze → stake
Since then everyone in Reform appears hell-bent on being the worst versions of themselves – not that hard – as the party loses support by tacking ever further to the right.
asserted
party → appear → right
On Monday, Robert Jenrick declared that he would personally be happy to give the order for the Royal Navy to blow every small boat crossing the Channel out of the water.
asserted
Navy → declare → water
Zia is widely loathed within the Reform elite but no one has found a way of saying no to his money
asserted
one → loathe → money
, so he gets to call himself the bogus title of shadow home secretary.
asserted
he → get → secretary
His main objection to Honest Bob’s plan is that he wasn’t the one to think of it first.
asserted
he → think → it
Nor does he consider Honest Bob and Suella Braverman as true members of Reform, because they are tainted for ever by having been Tory ministers.
asserted
they → consider → Reform
Meanwhile, Nige just sits back and pockets the money.
asserted
Nige → sit → money
Seemingly unable to stop his party collapsing around him.
asserted
party → stop → him
After several years of consultation, the Bank of England has announced the four animals, insects and birds that will appear on the new banknotes.
asserted
that → announce → banknotes
What goes on what denomination has yet to be decided, but the ones chosen are the European hedgehog, the barn owl, the buff-tailed bumblebee and the Atlantic puffin.
asserted
ones → go → ?
And while I’d have quite liked to have seen my much-missed dog Herbie, who died last year, on one of the notes, they all seem like reasonable choices to me.
asserted
they → like → me
I guess the last thing the Bank wanted was to start a war between cat and dog lovers.
asserted
Bank → guess → lovers
Partly because they are mad but mostly because they don’t apparently understand how the selection process worked.
asserted
process → understand → ?
It was the public who got to choose both the theme of the banknotes and the actual creatures.
asserted
who → get → banknotes
Needless to say, leading the charge against the new notes are Kemi Badenoch and Nigel Farage, who see the hedgehog and the puffin as some kind of woke symbols.
asserted
who → say → symbols
They have moaned, what was wrong with having Winston Churchill?
asserted
what → moan → Churchill
You don’t have to plaster Churchill’s face on everything to prove you are British.
asserted
you → have → everything
Most of us are secure enough in our identity not to need countless flags and symbols as a reminder.
asserted
Most → need → reminder
It’s just nice to have a change from time to time.
asserted
It → ’ → time
And how many people used to see Churchill’s face on a £5 note and feel a well of pride every time you wanted to buy a sandwich?
asserted
you → use → sandwich
…and 37 more, not listed.
The Aporia
