It’s the end of summer and Kemi Badenoch chose to mark the occasion with a reshuffle of her shadow cabinet.
asserted
Badenoch → ’ → cabinet
Her aim is apparently to get the Tories match fit in case Andy Burnham calls an early general election, but the vibes are much more rearranging the deckchairs on a sinking ship.
asserted
vibes → get → ship
After all, when the gene pool of talent is that small, there’s not much you can do.
asserted
you → ’ → talent
James Cleverly got the ball rolling by announcing he was planning to be the Conservative candidate for London mayor in two years’ time.
asserted
he → get → time
He may have his work cut out.
uncertain
work → have → ?
London is a liberal, multicultural city and unlikely to be won over by a party giving up on net zero and the European convention on human rights.
asserted
London → win → rights
Cleverly’s replacement as shadow housing secretary is Katie Lam, who was only elected two years ago but has been desperate to attract attention by consistently saying the most offensive thing she can think of.
asserted
she → elect → thing
This may not end well.
uncertain
This → end → ?
Priti Patel’s departure as foreign secretary was no great surprise as she has always been a liability, but Kemi’s decision to appoint Tom Tugendhat in her place did raise eyebrows.
asserted
decision → appoint → eyebrows
Tom has always been from the One Nation side of the party and Kemi didn’t seem to realise that when he said: “If I had known Kemi was this good I wouldn’t have stood against her,” he had merely been joking.
asserted
he → seem → her
He is at least a serious politician in the way Priti never was, but you also can’t help wondering if he is really signed up to Kemi’s Reform-lite Tory agenda.
asserted
he → help → agenda
Still, Tom has never been one to shy away from going to war with anyone, so he and Kemi will have something in common.
asserted
he → shy → something
That just leaves the change of shadow chancellor.
asserted
That → leave → chancellor
It goes without saying that Mel Stride had always been endearingly hopeless, but the choice of Andrew Griffith to take over is bewildering.
asserted
choice → go → Griffith
The Tories always like to play up Griffith’s career in business, but what the rest of the country will be focusing on is that he was the co-author and defender of Liz Truss’s disastrous mini-budget.
asserted
he → like → budget
It should also be remembered that Griffith was Boris Johnson’s “net zero business champion” in 2020; something he and Kemi are also hoping to forget.
asserted
he → remember → 2020
Maybe the key to understanding Griffith is that he is just a career opportunist who doesn’t really believe in anything.
asserted
who → understand → anything
In which case he may fit in just fine.
uncertain
he → fit → ?
One politician who won’t be hurrying back to Westminster for the start of the new parliamentary session is Keir Starmer.
asserted
who → hurry → session
He has just announced he is standing down as an MP.
asserted
he → announce → MP
The only recent former prime minister to remain a backbencher and regularly turn up to debates in the Commons was Theresa May and she cut a somewhat sad figure.
uncertain
she → remain → figure
Her attendance was impressive but she never appeared to have any friends.
asserted
she → appear → friends
What Keir is thinking now is anyone’s guess.
asserted
thinking → think → What
We don’t all get the summer we were hoping for – I certainly didn’t – but Starmer’s must have been borderline surreal.
asserted
Starmer → get → summer
It must be so hard for a prime minister to learn to switch off.
asserted
minister → learn → ?
One day you’re the centre of attention with constant demands on your time, the next you’re a virtual ghost.
asserted
you → ’re → time
Most former prime ministers have a tormented shadow to them, even years after they have left Downing Street.
asserted
they → have → Street
As if they still can’t believe that the voters or their own MPs have rejected them.
asserted
voters → believe → them
Keir will have been expecting to have spent the last six weeks on constant alert.
asserted
Keir → expect → alert
Dealing with world events and travelling the country to convince everyone he was actually working.
asserted
he → deal → everyone
A prime minister needs to be visible, or their enemies assume they are skiving.
asserted
they → need → ?
Instead, his phone will have gone quiet with no one making any demands on his time.
asserted
one → go → time
The fear of missing out must have been intense.
asserted
fear → miss → ?
He might have wished Burnham well in public but in private he wouldn’t have been too sad if Andy was struggling just a little bit.
uncertain
Andy → wish → public
Just about all we did hear about Keir during the break was that he had donated a copy of Tom Baldwin’s biography of himself to the No 10 library.
asserted
he → hear → library
Which felt, somehow a little desperate.
asserted
Which → feel → ?
Something that just oozes class.
asserted
that → ooze → class
But instead, like many prime ministers, he couldn’t resist giving a rose-tinted version of his deeds that will never be read by anyone.
asserted
that → resist → anyone
It will survive to collect dust.
asserted
It → survive → dust
Which only goes to show that with many politicians, it really is all about them.
asserted
it → go → them
…and 64 more, not listed.
The Aporia
