“We’re not going to invade Greenland.
asserted
We → go → Greenland
We’re going to buy it,” Donald Trump reportedly told the annual black-tie dinner on 1 February of the private Alfalfa Club, an assemblage of prominent Washington figures, a number of whom he had publicly humiliated, and others he was investigating or suing.
uncertain
he → go → whom
“It’s never been my intention to make Greenland the 51st state.
asserted
Greenland → make → ?
I want to make Canada the 51st state.
asserted
Canada → want → ?
The room greeted several of his remarks with dead silence.
asserted
room → greet → silence
His cosplay as the Pirate King was not received as a good-humored takeoff from a Gilbert and Sullivan opera.
asserted
cosplay → receive → opera
He went on.
asserted
He → go → ?
“So many people in the room I hate,” he said in a display of honesty.
asserted
he → hate → honesty
“Most of you I like,” he claimed.
asserted
he → like → you
Then, at his peak euphoria, he flew off to Mar-a-Lago to plan his attack on Iran, which took place 27 days later.
asserted
which → fly → place
Trump’s imperialism of piracy and plunder is less of a system even than that of the earliest imperialism of 17th century privateers raiding the Spanish Main, the divine right of kings, and monarchs dividing up the spoils as favors to create their lords and earls.
asserted
imperialism → raid → lords
His schemes of aggrandizement operating by threat and force are justified by no larger rationale, nothing as exalted as “the white man’s burden”, marauding wherever and however he can to seize resources.
asserted
he → operate → resources
Describing his actions as some version of colonialism grants him a more orderly and coherent method than he possesses.
asserted
he → describe → method
His pillaging bears not the slightest resemblance to the highly organized administration of Queen Victoria’s British empire.
asserted
pillaging → bear → empire
Trump’s predation is calculated to wreck the long-established arrangements of international trade, law and cooperation created after the second world war and the fall of colonial empires, whose guidelines he sees as obstructing his own profit and power.
asserted
he → calculate → profit
Obsessed with his fortune hunting, he couldn’t care less about the political consequences for ill-fated Republican candidates in the midterm elections who must face the music for the harm he is doing to their states.
asserted
he → obsess → states
Mark Carney, the Canadian prime minister, offered the most succinct critique of Trump’s intent to usurp the sovereignty of countries in order to make them turn over their wealth to him.
asserted
them → offer → him
Carney said: “Canada is a sovereign, independent nation.
asserted
Canada → say → ?
We are not a target to be bullied, nor are we a client state to be subordinated …
asserted
we → bully → ?
We will not sign an agreement that sacrifices our basic sovereignty, undermines our legal system, or cedes control over our foreign trade to Washington.”
asserted
that → sign → Washington
He called Trump’s demands a “last-minute power play intended to reduce Canada to an economic subsidiary”.
asserted
He → call → subsidiary
Trump’s ultimatum abrogated the legal foundation of the US-Mexico-Canada Agreement, which he himself had signed in 2020.
asserted
he → abrogate → 2020
He had previously demeaned Carney as the “governor” of Canada.
asserted
He → demean → Canada
Now, adopting his characteristic pose as victim, Trump claimed Canada had been “ripping off the United States for years” and were among “worst” nations to “deal with”..
asserted
Canada → adopt → nations
“They feel entitled and will be entitled no longer …
asserted
They → feel → ?
It’s time to teach Canada you can’t do this anymore….
asserted
you → ’ → this
Someone should get these clowns to fall in line.”
asserted
clowns → get → line
Carney replied that Canada was “at war,” and would adopt “counter-measures”, tariffs of its own.
asserted
Canada → reply → own
“America,” he said, “has changed …
asserted
he → say → ?
If Washington wants to trade, they must come to the table as equals.”
asserted
they → want → equals
Trump’s answer was to issue an executive order renaming Lake Ontario as “Lake America”, the reflexive branding of the real estate operator.
asserted
answer → issue → operator
The White House put out AI-generated videos of Trump kicking over a sign reading “Lake Ontario” and replacing it with a new one, “Lake America”, and another with a squadron of ducks all with Trump’s hairdo and armed with machine guns patrolling the shore of “Lake America” to the theme music of Hawaii Five-O.
asserted
Trump → put → O.
The implied invocation of the Marx brothers’ farce of the ludicrous country of Freedonia nonsensically going to war, Duck Soup, seems lost on the busy beavers of Trump’s slop.
asserted
country → go → slop
Trump’s method has been consistent since he leveraged a mineral resource deal out of Ukraine in April 2025 at a weak point in its conflict with Russia.
asserted
he → leverage → Russia
Rather than pressure Putin, Trump’s agents disguised as diplomats, his son-in-law Jared Kushner and real estate pal Steve Witkoff, the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of Trump’s imperialism, stand by to negotiate post-sanctions deals on his behalf.
asserted
agents → pressure → behalf
Venezuela became Trump’s template for his piratical adventures.
asserted
Venezuela → become → adventures
After swooping in on 3 January to capture its strongman, Nicolás Maduro, Trump promised a transition to democratic elections and that the US would play a custodial role over Venezuelan oil for the benefit of its people.
asserted
US → swoop → people
Not long after Trump grabbed Maduro, he declared he needed to acquire Greenland and threatened a tariff war against Denmark and European allies to “get Greenland, including right, title and ownership”.
asserted
he → grab → right
“We probably won’t get anything unless I decide to use excessive strength and force, where we would be frankly unstoppable.
asserted
we → get → strength
But I won’t do that,” Trump said, adding, “I don’t have to use force,” and “I don’t want to use force.”
asserted
I → do → force
…and 37 more, not listed.
The Aporia
