I’m 34 years old and have been diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar disorder.
asserted
I → ’m → disorder
I have been in treatment for years with a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I take my medication daily as instructed.
asserted
I → take → medication
I do not drink or use drugs.
asserted
I → drink → drugs
I am committed to my mental health to prove that people like me can lead full lives.
asserted
people → commit → lives
My family wants me to stay where they live forever, but I dream of moving back down south, where I lived on my own before.
asserted
I → want → own
I loved the culture, art, weather, and friends.
asserted
I → love → culture
Whenever I bring it up, they dismiss it.
asserted
they → bring → it
I think they’re afraid that I will start hallucinating again and not have a support system there.
asserted
I → think → system
I will be graduating soon from a master’s program in counseling, and I look at jobs online all the time.
asserted
I → graduate → jobs
Is it wise to move away from my family with my disorder?
asserted
it → move → disorder
Do I sit them down and explain that I was my happiest when I lived there and want to return?
asserted
I → sit → them
I love them and don’t want to hurt them.
asserted
I → love → them
I think if I have a plan in place and stay on track with medication, it would be safe.
asserted
it → think → medication
— CONFLICTED IN THE NORTH
DEAR CONFLICTED: Have you discussed this with your therapist and psychiatrist?
asserted
you → conflict → therapist
If they both sign off on the move, your family will have less cause for concern.
asserted
family → sign → concern
Bring a family spokesperson with you and have your therapist go over the support plan for your new environment.
asserted
therapist → bring → environment
The spokesperson can then help you ease the worries of the rest of the family.
asserted
you → help → family
If, however, your care providers don’t think it’s wise to move right now, please listen to them.
asserted
it → think → them
Ask them to outline some milestones you can work toward to make moving south a healthier goal for the future.
asserted
moving → ask → future
My brother died a year ago.
asserted
brother → die → ?
I have been visiting his widow, “Cheryl,” twice a month ever since.
asserted
I → visit → widow
She lives an hour away and doesn’t get around very well.
asserted
She → live → ?
I drive to her house, and I treasure my time with her.
asserted
I → drive → her
I spend as little time as possible with her.
asserted
I → spend → her
I know that as soon as she finds out about them, Kate will expect to be included in my visits with Cheryl.
asserted
Kate → know → Cheryl
I haven’t mentioned them, as I would rather not include her.
asserted
I → mention → her
What I would like to see happen is for Kate to come up with her own plan to visit with Cheryl.
asserted
Kate → like → Cheryl
I love Kate and don’t want to hurt her, but on the other hand, I don’t want her to ruin my visits with Cheryl either.
asserted
her → love → Cheryl
What should I do?
asserted
I → do → What
There’s no reason for you to hurt your sister’s feelings.
asserted
you → ’ → feelings
Tell Kate you feel one-on-one visits with your brother’s grieving widow are more beneficial than overwhelming her with additional company.
asserted
visits → tell → company
Then (with Cheryl’s permission) suggest that Kate call Cheryl and make some plans to visit with her on her own.
asserted
Kate → suggest → own
If Kate argues, see if you can get Cheryl to back you up.
asserted
Cheryl → argue → you
** ** **
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
asserted
Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
asserted
which → pen → mother
The Aporia
