I grew up in fight or flight mode, and finally ran away about eight years ago.
asserted
I → grow → mode
I found myself free and safe.
asserted
myself → find → ?
I made friends, worked and met a great guy.
asserted
I → make → guy
We’re now engaged and living in another city than my family.
asserted
We → ’re → family
I’d like to invite my parents to my wedding even though they weren’t supportive of me growing up.
asserted
they → like → me
I don’t hold their parenting skills against them.
asserted
I → hold → them
But I do not want to invite my brother, and I know my mother will want me to.
asserted
me → want → brother
How do I navigate this?
asserted
I → navigate → this
You’re an adult, about to embark on your adult life as a married woman.
asserted
You → ’re → woman
You are not obligated to invite anyone you don’t want to your wedding.
asserted
you → obligate → wedding
It’s your day (and your groom’s) and no one can tell you what to do.
asserted
one → ’ → what
(Side note: If parents are paying, or partially paying, then they do get some say.
asserted
they → pay → say
But it doesn’t sound like yours are in this case).
asserted
yours → sound → case
Then take her out for lunch or coffee and tell her why you won’t be inviting your brother.
asserted
you → take → brother
If she argues, tell her it’s your day and you’ll do as you please.
asserted
you → argue → her
I’ve just come home from a three-week vacation with my boyfriend and his family in the Azores.
asserted
I → come → Azores
His grandmother, aunt and uncle and some cousins all live there so our accommodations were free.
asserted
accommodations → live → ?
We extended our holiday by one week because his grandmother wasn’t well and one of his cousins suddenly got engaged while we were there.
asserted
we → extend → cousins
We had the most magical vacation.
asserted
We → have → vacation
I absolutely love his family and we had a great time together.
asserted
we → love → time
But now I’m worried because I have one more year of school in another province and he’ll be living at home working.
asserted
he → ’m → home
His parents are traditional and want him to get married soon (he’s 27; I’m 23).
asserted
I → want → ?
I know they like me, but I’m not close to getting married and I don’t think I’m even ready to get engaged.
asserted
I → know → me
We haven’t been together long enough to make that commitment, though I love him and could see a future with him.
uncertain
I → make → him
How do I keep my guy when I’m going to be far away?
asserted
I → keep → guy
Your boyfriend’s parents may be traditional but they’re not your boyfriend.
uncertain
they → ’re → ?
He’s 27 and can make his own decisions and plan his own life.
asserted
He → ’ → life
I understand he’s living at home and will probably have his parents chirping in his ear, but that’s his family dynamic to manage.
asserted
that → understand → ear
If you love him and want your relationship to continue while you finish school, tell him so.
asserted
you → love → school
I’m a romantic, so I would plan an afternoon/evening of fun together, doing the things you love and maybe something special.
asserted
you → ’m → things
Tell him exactly how you feel, and maybe even give him a gift (a promise ring or bracelet) as a token of those feelings and a promise to maintain your relationship through the distance.
asserted
you → tell → distance
All relationships take work, and long-distance ones take more.
asserted
ones → take → more
If you are both willing to put in the effort, then you can be successful.
asserted
you → put → effort
If you can talk about your schedules now, do so.
asserted
you → talk → schedules
For example, could you confirm that no matter what, he will come out to you one weekend every month and you will come home to him one weekend every month?
uncertain
you → confirm → him
That’s not a lot of effort on each of you but solidifies you’ll see each other enough to maintain your closeness.
asserted
you → ’ → closeness
Openness and discussion will see you through.
asserted
Openness → see → you
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman at the gym who smells like urine (May 16):
uncertain
who → regard → urine
Reader: “Maybe she just needs to wear pull-ups.”
asserted
she → need → ups
FEEDBACK Regarding the ultimate disrespect (June 11):
Reader: “For once I thoroughly disagree with you.
asserted
I → regard → you
…and 6 more, not listed.
The Aporia
