Every night has felt like Halloween this spooky year.
asserted
night → feel → Halloween
Whistleblowers are warning we are summoning a demon with AI.
asserted
we → warn → AI
Governments around the world this week called for citizens to stockpile critical supplies in the event of a ghoulish disaster.
asserted
citizens → call → disaster
Mark Carney just released the first new Canadian national security plan in more than 20 years because, as he notes, “threats once thought distant are now immediate and proximate.
asserted
threats → release → years
”
And, somewhere, a werewolf howls under a full moon.
asserted
werewolf → howl → moon
This is why the kids deserve a memorable Halloween this weekend.
asserted
kids → deserve → Halloween
Saturday’s forecast calls for a high of 14.
asserted
forecast → call → 14
Don’t tell me climate change is not real.
asserted
change → tell → me
I remember trick-or-treating and feeling like I was hunting for Aero and Coffee Crisp in the Antarctic.
asserted
I → remember → Antarctic
Children this weekend won’t have their Spider-Man and Dumpling costumes spoiled by a mom-mandated parka.
asserted
costumes → have → parka
The older I get, the more I look forward to All Hallows’ Eve.
asserted
I → get → Eve
When I walked to my voting station for Monday’s election, what a joy to behold the tombstones, witches, spiderwebs, skulls, coffins and black cats.
asserted
I → walk → tombstones
I recalled navigating the same streets with my young twin daughters.
asserted
I → recall → daughters
They were thrilled to be dressed as bunnies and lambs while prowling in the dark.
asserted
They → thrill → dark
Haunted houses somehow make the real world seem less scary.
asserted
world → make → ?
So let’s get to the point: no healthy snacks this Halloween.
asserted
’s → let → point
Yes, I fully expect my inbox to fill up with indignant notes from dentists and clementine farmers.
asserted
inbox → expect → dentists
The Babybel people won’t be happy when I say sticking googly eyes to a wax coated wheel of cheese is not a treat — it’s an abomination.
asserted
it → say → cheese
The kids want candy.
asserted
kids → want → candy
This year feels like a cemetery séance.
asserted
year → feel → séance
You can go all out on porch decorations and 12-foot lawn inflatables.
asserted
You → go → decorations
You can carve a pumpkin to be a dead ringer for Doug Ford.
asserted
You → carve → Ford
You can play creepy sounds and run a fog machine.
asserted
You → play → machine
You can hold a flashlight under your chin.
asserted
You → hold → chin
But if all of that ends with giving a third-grader a Boo-nana or Pretzel Broomstick, congrats, you just failed Halloween 2026.
asserted
you → end → Halloween
The children have earned a bounty of empty calories.
asserted
children → earn → calories
The little goblins, vampires and princesses may have no clue about inflation or trade wars.
uncertain
goblins → have → inflation
They do not know Ontario’s deficit just hit a record $16.9 billion.
asserted
deficit → know → record
They can’t process the suddenly very real possibility of World War III or an extinction event.
asserted
They → process → III
They don’t know their parents fret over interest rates or the price of gas.
asserted
parents → know → gas
But children are like dogs — they can sense anxiety.
asserted
they → sense → anxiety
Consider this preadolescent backpay for a generation that is inheriting an ominous world.
asserted
that → consider → world
Consider it an investment disguised in a chocolate wrapper.
asserted
it → consider → wrapper
That generous handful of Tootsie Rolls and Chupa Chups may create a fond and lasting memory for tomorrow’s nurses, teachers, cops, lawyers, accountants …
uncertain
handful → create → nurses
A recent Leger survey found that 48 per cent of Canadian households plan to dish out candy this year.
asserted
cent → find → candy
But this just means those of us who are participating need to put more fake blood into the effort.
asserted
who → mean → effort
I’m happy to put on my alien mask and give double doses of chocolate to make up for the killjoys who will turn off their porch lights and go out for dinner to avoid doorbell rings from evil clowns and hell-hounds.
asserted
who → ’m → clowns
If we can’t give costumed kids one night to stroll around the neighbourhood in search of a sugar high, perhaps we are the real monsters.
asserted
we → give → high
And, no, candy corn does not count.
asserted
corn → count → ?
Neither does a fruit cup.
asserted
cup → do → ?
…and 6 more, not listed.
The Aporia
