It started with an angry post.
asserted
It → start → post
Ms. Clarkson, the OG American Idol, was shopping last Saturday at a store of curiosities that she thought looked “really rad.”
asserted
she → shop → curiosities
Brooklyn’s Art of Play sells games and ephemera.
asserted
Art → sell → games
But the ruffled feathers in this avian saga fly around Molly.
asserted
feathers → fly → Molly
The mechanical bird, which flutters and chirps, caught Clarkson’s eye.
asserted
which → flutter → eye
Based on a nearby price tag, she believed Molly cost $15,000.
asserted
Molly → base → 15,000
But as she wrote on X, a clerk looked at her like “she couldn’t afford it” and offered to “find something comparable.”
asserted
she → write → something
Her review ends with: “Wow, dude.
asserted
review → end → ?
You’re an idiot and just lost a huge sale.
asserted
You → ’re → sale
But y’all should go check out Art of Play in Brooklyn if you enjoy being treated like Julia Roberts character in Pretty Woman …”
And just like that, the viral dodo had flown the coop.
asserted
dodo → go → coop
Clarkson has an army of fans.
asserted
Clarkson → have → fans
Art of Play might not even have a coffee maker in the back.
uncertain
Art → have → back
It didn’t take long for this asymmetric warfare to go nuclear.
asserted
warfare → take → ?
The Kellebrities, as Clarkson’s fan base is called, harassed the store and nearby businesses.
asserted
base → call → store
They doxxed anyone even suspected of being connected to the staff.
asserted
They → doxxe → staff
As the Kellebrities dive-bombed Art of Play like murderous ravens in “The Birds,” the store said this was a misunderstanding.
asserted
this → bomb → Birds
The handmade fixture is bolted to the wall.
asserted
fixture → bolt → wall
Molly is used in magic shows staged after hours.
asserted
Molly → use → hours
Molly means no harm.
asserted
Molly → mean → harm
Clarkson doubled down.
asserted
Clarkson → double → ?
She called them liars.
asserted
She → call → them
Clarkson is wearing baggy blue pants, a canary yellow shirt, baseball cap and a backpack.
asserted
Clarkson → wear → pants
It’s tough to see her face.
asserted
It → ’ → face
But based on the outfit alone, it’s either Kelly Clarkson or an albino Dora the Explorer.
asserted
it → base → outfit
Upon entering, she peers into a kaleidoscope.
asserted
she → enter → kaleidoscope
Then comes the Molly scene, in which she glances up at the bird while chatting with a store rep.
asserted
she → come → rep
Based on body language, the interaction seems banal.
asserted
interaction → base → language
So it’s possible the rep was whispering, “You look like you steal your clothes from Goodwill.
asserted
you → ’ → Goodwill
In the back-and-forth pecking this week, it seems the $15,000 price tag referred to a second Molly that was not available in store.
asserted
that → seem → store
This is why they offered to show Clarkson a “comparable” $2,000 birdie designed by a German clockmaker.
asserted
they → offer → clockmaker
Honestly, writing this column feels like a psilocybin trip.
asserted
writing → write → trip
Oh, by the way, the store now says it will sell Molly — for $15 million.
asserted
it → say → million
I don’t know anything about artisan birds.
asserted
I → know → birds
But if I’m going to drop $15 million on an ornithological animatron that has seven movements and makes indecipherable sounds via hand-cranking, I’ll buy Eric Trump.
asserted
I → go → Trump
There is no way Clarkson was discriminated against based on her appearance.
asserted
Clarkson → be → appearance
She was dressed like everyone else in the store — a grainy sea of hoodies, T-shirts and ball caps.
asserted
She → dress → hoodies
Even the shop owner was wearing a hat.
asserted
owner → wear → hat
It’s not as if she sauntered in looking like her outfit was selected by the ghost of Kurt Cobain as other patrons browsed diamonds in a tux or gown.
asserted
patrons → ’ → tux
One irate influencer later showed up at the store with a camera and angrily asked staff why they “racially profiled” Clarkson.
asserted
they → show → Clarkson
Everyone looks like they prefer soy milk and Warby Parker.
asserted
they → look → milk
…and 11 more, not listed.
The Aporia
