A friend’s wife’s elderly biological father was killed in a one-car auto accident recently.
asserted
father → kill → accident
She had been estranged from him for as long as I can remember (more than 30 years?) and told me over the years how much she hated him.
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she → remember → him
She adored her stepfather, who died a few years back.
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who → adore → stepfather
My friend is now upset with me because I failed to send condolences to his wife following her father’s death, despite the hateful feelings she had voiced about him.
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she → fail → him
I certainly had reached out to her after the death of her stepfather, for whom she cared very much.
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she → reach → whom
What is the rule of etiquette when a person loses a family member they hated?
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they → lose → member
What would I even say?
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I → say → What
It just seems that any sentiment would be fake.
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sentiment → seem → ?
I agree with you.
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I → agree → you
Explain to your friend that you didn’t mean to slight his wife, but after hearing how much she disliked her biological father for so many years, you didn’t think she needed consoling.
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she → explain → years
Then, in a separate call, tell his wife that you are sorry if your lack of response was hurtful to her, because it was not your intention.
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it → tell → her
What do you do about a co-worker who sends mixed signals to you?
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who → do → you
I believe he’s single or unattached.
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he → believe → ?
I lost my boyfriend 10 years ago to heart problems.
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I → lose → problems
Over the past three to four years, this co-worker has made cute faces at me, winked, gotten physically close, followed me in the workplace for a moment, etc.
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worker → make → moment
We have offered to buy each other a beverage.
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We → offer → beverage
He’s a good person but acts odd!
asserted
He → ’ → ?
I think he’s shy or has social anxiety.
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he → think → anxiety
What do you think is the cause of this behavior?
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you → think → behavior
You say he “sends mixed signals,” but you’ve listed only behaviors that show interest.
asserted
that → say → interest
Perhaps this gentleman is flirtatious by nature, or perhaps he’s always socially awkward.
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he → ’ → nature
What you know for certain is that he enjoys your company and seems to be looking for companionship.
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he → know → companionship
I say follow through on that drink offer, but try not to read too much into it.
asserted
I → say → it
You have nothing to lose, but you may gain a good friend.
uncertain
you → have → friend
They live together, and their commitment is strong.
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commitment → live → ?
They have supported each other through severe illness, loss of parents, employment layoffs, etc.
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They → support → parents
When in social situations, we are often at a loss how to properly introduce him.
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we → introduce → him
He’s an important part of our family, and we are proud of him, but he is not our son-in-law, and he is much more than our daughter’s boyfriend.
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he → ’ → boyfriend
It appears your daughter and this young man are lucky to have found each other.
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daughter → appear → other
My suggestion is to ask him how he would like to be introduced, and follow his lead.
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he → ask → lead
You can’t go wrong that way.
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You → go → ?
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
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Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
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which → pen → mother
The Aporia
