You’ve been standing in line for 20 minutes, famished and desperate to order one of the viral bagels that keep selling out—or for six hours outside a concert venue, determined to claim a spot at the barricade to see your favorite band.
uncertain
that → stand → band
And then someone strolls up and slips in line ahead of you.
asserted
someone → stroll → you
Apparently, the rest of you have been standing around for the ambiance.
asserted
rest → stand → ambiance
How much of a sin are line-cutters committing?
asserted
cutters → commit → sin
“You are ripping the fabric of society apart,” says Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and co-host of the podcast Were You Raised by Wolves?
asserted
You → rip → Wolves
Queue-jumpers have to live with that, he adds.
asserted
he → have → that
“But worse, we have to live with you.”
Here’s exactly how to handle this maddening situation—including when and how best to speak up.
asserted
we → have → situation
When to speak up about someone cutting in line
If a stranger jumping ahead of you feels strangely personal, Richard C. Larson, a professor emeritus of data, systems, and society at MIT who has studied queuing, understands why.
asserted
who → speak → queuing
“We only have a finite number of minutes of life on Earth,” he says.
asserted
he → have → Earth
The cutter’s implied message: “A minute of my life is worth more than a minute of yours.
asserted
minute → imply → yours
Before you decide whether to confront the offender, think about what speaking up would accomplish.
asserted
speaking → decide → what
Are you trying to reclaim your turn or get revenge?
asserted
you → try → revenge
Sometimes, the impulse is “to sort of let them know you think they’re a jerk,” says Ryan Martin, a professor of psychology and dean of the College of Arts, Humanities and Social Sciences at the University of Wisconsin–Green Bay, known online as the Anger Professor because he studies strong emotions.
asserted
he → let → emotions
Martin would speak up to help someone recognize “that what they did wasn’t OK and that I wanted them to go to the back of the line,” he says.
asserted
he → speak → line
But he’d also consider: “What is going to allow me to have the kind of night I want to have?”
asserted
I → consider → night
If you spend the concert replaying a confrontation instead of singing your happy heart out, you’ve lost more than your place in line.
asserted
you → spend → line
Leighton's gut check for situations like these is to ask yourself: Is this the hill you want to die on?
asserted
you → ask → yourself
“That’s always a good etiquette question,” he says.
asserted
he → ’ → ?
If the person seems hostile or you feel uneasy approaching them, you can ask staff for help or let the cut go.
asserted
cut → seem → help
“Health and safety always trumps etiquette,” Leighton says.
asserted
Leighton → trump → etiquette
What to say—if you do decide to say something
Marie Helweg-Larsen, a professor of psychology at Dickinson College who studies social norms, has explored what makes line-cutting so rage-inducing.
asserted
cutting → say → norms
For a 2008 study, she and a colleague surveyed U2 fans waiting for prime concert-floor spots, asking how they would react to hypothetical line-cutting scenarios.
asserted
they → survey → scenarios
Interestingly, fans reacted just as negatively to someone cutting behind them as ahead of them—even though their own place wasn’t affected.
asserted
place → react → them
“You have to have people follow the rules,” she says, “or your investment into the line falls apart.”
asserted
investment → have → line
Helweg-Larsen’s co-author also heard fans invoke a higher authority when someone misbehaved: “Bono wouldn’t like that!”
You don’t need a rock star’s moral authority—or a grand speech—to point out where the line starts.
asserted
line → hear → authority
Helweg-Larsen’s suggested opener: “Excuse me, but the line starts down there.”
uncertain
line → suggest → me
Aim for an “‘I’m just trying to be helpful’ kind of vibe,” she says.
asserted
she → aim → vibe
That approach gives the person a chance to correct their mistake without having to defend their character.
asserted
approach → give → character
And you don’t have to believe it was an innocent oversight to deliver the message graciously.
asserted
it → have → message
“Even if they’re doing it on purpose, you still need to use that tone,” Leighton says.
asserted
Leighton → do → tone
He’s been on the receiving end of a polite correction himself: At a deli, he once joined what he thought was the back of the line, only to discover he’d guessed wrong.
asserted
he → receive → line
He was happy for someone to point him in the right direction.
asserted
someone → point → direction
If you decide to speak up, do it promptly.
asserted
you → decide → it
“Your window of opportunity is short,” Leighton says.
asserted
Leighton → say → opportunity
“As soon as it happens, that’s when you need to say something.”
asserted
you → happen → something
Waiting until you’ve spent five minutes glaring at the back of someone’s head won’t make the conversation any easier.
asserted
conversation → wait → head
For a line that represents a serious investment of time, Martin suggests spelling that out: “Hey, I’m not sure you noticed, but there’s actually a really long line here, and people have been waiting all day.”
uncertain
people → represent → that
You’ve identified the problem and given them an opening to say “Oops.”
asserted
You → identify → opening
Of course, some situations are murkier than a stranger breezing past the entire queue.
asserted
situations → breeze → queue
Someone returning from a bathroom break is different from four friends arriving hours later to join the person who saved their places.
asserted
who → return → places
…and 17 more, not listed.
The Aporia
