Story summary
In an article by Angela Haupt in TIME, clinical psychologist Jana Rundle from Austin suggests a middle ground when feeling overwhelmed about planned meet-ups. Instead of canceling or going through with elaborate plans that feel draining, consider simplifying the outing. For example, dinner at a new sushi place could be replaced with a shorter walk to grab takeout or having a friend over for a casual catch-up. This approach aims to maintain social connections without exhausting oneself.
The technique is part of a model on social relationships co-developed by Katherine Fiori, a professor and associate dean at Adelphi University in Garden City, N.Y., which emphasizes the importance of adjusting commitments to ensure they are manageable while still fostering meaningful interactions. By identifying what aspects of an event feel difficult and solving those specific issues, individuals can reduce stress and maintain social bonds effectively.
This advice helps people find a balance between social obligations and personal energy levels, enhancing overall well-being by preventing burnout from overly ambitious plans.
Written for “Travel During Pandemic” on 2026-10-06,
grounded in this article and the 0 other(s) covering the same event.
When you said yes to dinner at that new sushi place last week, it sounded like a great idea.
asserted
it → say → idea
Now that the agreed-upon day has arrived, you’re exhausted, and the prospect of putting on real pants and traveling across town feels like the least appealing way to spend your evening.
asserted
prospect → agree → evening
You want to see your friend, but you’d rather lounge on the couch.
asserted
you → want → couch
Yet before you send a cancellation text, consider a smaller proposition: Could dinner become a 20-minute walk?
uncertain
dinner → send → proposition
Could your friend come over for takeout?
uncertain
friend → come → takeout
Could you catch up in the clothes you’re already wearing, without making “getting ready” a production?
uncertain
you → catch → clothes
Jana Rundle, a clinical psychologist in Austin, regularly helps her clients make these adjustments.
asserted
clients → help → adjustments
When people are overwhelmed, she says, they tend to think they either have to follow through on a planned elaborate outing or skip it altogether.
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they → overwhelm → it
Shrinking the plan gives them another option.
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Shrinking → shrink → option
“Let’s identify what’s hard about this and solve that problem so we can still get the connection we need,” she says.
asserted
she → identify → connection
“The goal is just to get together.”
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goal → get → ?
Here’s how scaling back can help you reap the benefits of socialization—and how to make sure you have ample energy for your next plan.
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you → ’ → plan
Why shrinking your plans can help your friendships
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shrinking → shrink → friendships
Having time to see someone isn’t the same as having the energy.
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Having → have → energy
That distinction is central to a model of social relationships co-developed by Katherine Fiori, a professor and associate dean for foundational psychology and faculty involvement at Adelphi University in Garden City, N.Y.
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distinction → co → City
The model considers time and energy separate resources people invest in their connections.
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people → consider → connections
You might have two free hours, for example, but feel depleted by everything involved in using them: getting ready, traveling, making conversation with people you barely know.
uncertain
you → have → people
Spending time with a close friend can require less effort, Fiori says, because there’s less pressure to present a polished version of yourself.
asserted
Fiori → spend → yourself
The person who’s known you for years probably doesn’t need you to be dazzling over appetizers.
asserted
you → know → appetizers
Making a plan less demanding can help you follow through on a night when you’d otherwise cancel.
asserted
you → make → night
When you bail on something that feels overwhelming, the immediate relief can reinforce the habit, says Shannon Sauer-Zavala, a professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky.
asserted
Zavala → bail → Kentucky
The next time you feel stretched thin, you’ll be more inclined to do it again.
asserted
you → stretch → it
Over time, you can start to believe you’re only capable of socializing when you feel your best.
asserted
you → start → socializing
You’ll also miss opportunities to discover that seeing someone was more enjoyable—and probably less taxing—than you anticipated.
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you → miss → someone
A manageable get-together gives you a chance to find out you’re up for more than you thought.
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you → give → more
And sometimes, Fiori says, the connection supplies some of the energy you thought you were missing: “You can actually get some of that energy back, in a way.”
asserted
You → say → way
Figure out what makes social plans feel overwhelming
Rundle suggests a quick thought experiment: Imagine the outing lasted 20 minutes, was easy to get to, and went smoothly.
uncertain
outing → figure → experiment
Would you want to go?
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you → want → ?
If that sounds lovely, the problem may be the logistics surrounding the visit.
uncertain
problem → sound → visit
“Is it the commute to get there?
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it → get → ?
Is it the cleaning and cooking you would have to do if you were hosting?” she says.
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she → have → ?
Once you know what’s making a plan feel overwhelming, you can suggest a change that takes some of the pressure off, like meeting halfway to cut down on the drive or ordering pizza so you don’t have to cook.
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you → know → pizza
If you’re dreading getting dressed up, propose something you can do in sweatpants.
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you → dread → sweatpants
For Rundle’s clients, who are often dealing with new motherhood, a stroller walk can feel much more feasible than a fancy dinner.
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walk → deal → dinner
There are also ways to fit time with friends into things you already need to do.
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you → be → things
Fiori likes the idea of “admin nights,” when people gather with their laptops to tackle the tasks they’ve been putting off.
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they → like → tasks
Normally, those chores eat into the time and energy available for socializing.
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chores → eat → socializing
“To be able to combine those is kind of brilliant,” she says.
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she → combine → those
You can pay bills or unsubscribe from emails with someone beside you to talk and joke with, making an otherwise tedious evening more pleasant.
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evening → pay → you
These smaller get-togethers can be especially useful for keeping up with friends you already know well, Rundle says.
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Rundle → keep → friends
…and 23 more, not listed.
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