They were the grown men running the game.
asserted
They → run → game
A coach and referee got into a fight in front of children who had come to play football, not watch two adults lose their tempers.
asserted
adults → get → tempers
Both men later apologized, but what kind of example were they setting?
asserted
they → apologize → example
We hear plenty about how soft kids have become.
asserted
kids → hear → plenty
They can't handle losing, expect trophies for showing up and need constant praise.
asserted
They → handle → praise
But as a psychotherapist, I wonder whether we've been blaming the wrong people.
asserted
we → wonder → people
Maybe the problem isn't that children can't handle disappointment.
asserted
children → handle → disappointment
Maybe it's that their parents can't stand watching them experience it.
asserted
them → stand → it
Spend a Saturday at a youth sporting event and you'll see parents screaming at referees and treating a missed call like a personal insult.
asserted
parents → spend → insult
A father tells his son to stop making excuses after striking out, then berates the umpire.
asserted
father → tell → umpire
A mother tells her daughter to be a good sport, then complains that the coach didn't give her enough playing time.
asserted
coach → tell → time
These are often the same people complaining that America is raising a generation of wimps.
asserted
America → complain → wimps
Yet the moment a referee makes a call they don't like, they behave like toddlers.
asserted
they → make → toddlers
A parent who would punish his child for screaming at a teacher may have no problem screaming at a referee.
uncertain
who → punish → referee
He sees nothing wrong with it because he believes he's standing up for his kid.
asserted
he → see → kid
But defending your child doesn't give you a free pass to behave like a bully.
asserted
defending → defend → bully
For some parents, their child's athletic success has become tied to their own self-esteem.
asserted
success → tie → esteem
When the child wins, they feel successful.
asserted
they → win → ?
When the child loses, they feel embarrassed.
asserted
they → lose → ?
A father who never made varsity may see his son's benching as another personal rejection.
uncertain
who → make → rejection
The child is playing a game, but the parent is still trying to settle something from 25 years ago.
asserted
parent → play → something
If you didn't make varsity in high school, screaming at your son's Little League coach isn't going to change that.
asserted
screaming → make → that
Youth sports have become an expensive business.
asserted
sports → become → ?
Families spend thousands on travel teams, private lessons and tournaments.
asserted
Families → spend → teams
Some start talking about college scholarships before their children are even teenagers.
asserted
children → start → scholarships
After all that investment, parents can begin to feel they're owed something.
asserted
they → begin → something
If their child isn't starting, the coach must be playing favorites.
asserted
coach → start → favorites
If the team loses, someone must be incompetent.
asserted
someone → lose → ?
Sometimes he has a lousy game.
asserted
he → have → game
That's sports, and arguing with the coach won't change it.
asserted
arguing → argue → it
We've gotten so used to treating children's disappointment as something that needs fixing that ordinary setbacks have become emergencies.
asserted
setbacks → get → something
Losing isn't a crisis.
asserted
Losing → lose → ?
Sitting on the bench isn't trauma.
asserted
Sitting → sit → bench
A coach telling your kid he needs to improve isn't abuse.
asserted
he → tell → kid
Yet some parents respond as though their children have suffered a serious injustice.
asserted
children → respond → injustice
A child who gets benched may be upset for an hour or two.
uncertain
who → bench → hour
He complains on the ride home, and moves on.
asserted
He → complain → ride
His father, meanwhile, is still angry three days later, replaying the coach's decisions.
asserted
father → replay → decisions
The kid who struck out has forgotten about it.
asserted
who → strike → it
These parents are depriving their children of some of the most useful experiences sports can provide.
asserted
sports → deprive → experiences
…and 17 more, not listed.
The Aporia
