Last year, I started hosting monthly house parties.
asserted
I → start → parties
When I saw two friends get on really well, I set them up on a date.
asserted
I → see → date
“You two should go out sometime,” I casually said.
asserted
I → go → ?
“I think you’d have a lot in common.”
Turns out, they did.
asserted
they → think → lot
So far, there have been three dates among people who met at my house parties.
asserted
who → meet → parties
Little did I know, my unintentional matchmaking efforts may have a higher success rate than dating apps.
uncertain
efforts → know → apps
Whatever happened to setting friends up on a blind date?
asserted
Whatever → happen → date
Or even just recommending that two people you love give it a shot of finding love themselves?
asserted
you → recommend → love
And in our modern moment of isolation, polarization, and loneliness, it is clear to me that now is a crucial time for us to bring back matchmaking for our friends.
asserted
us → bring → friends
When one of my friends called me after her date to get more insight about my other friend, I was able to answer all her concerns.
asserted
I → call → concerns
That couldn’t have happened if she had met a stranger on a dating app.
asserted
she → happen → app
Dating apps have made meeting someone feel increasingly detached from the people and communities we already belong to.
asserted
we → make → people
We swipe through strangers based on a handful of photographs and prompts, often with very little context about who they are beyond what they have chosen to present.
asserted
they → swipe → what
A friend, on the other hand, can tell you things an algorithm never could: what someone is actually like, how they treat people, whether they are kind, funny, or reliable, and whether they are compatible with you.
uncertain
they → tell → you
“Friends, especially long-term friends, know literally every nuance of who we are that an algorithm or app cannot capture.
asserted
algorithm → know → that
Digital mechanisms capture factual data,” says Blythe Landry, a trauma and relationship therapist.
asserted
Landry → capture → data
“Friends carry history, trauma narratives, inside jokes, the way our nose wrinkles when we laugh, and our favorite order at Starbucks.”
asserted
we → carry → Starbucks
Our nearest and dearest know our likes from the inside out and, perhaps most importantly, they know we can sometimes be totally blind to our patterns in choosing romantic partners.
asserted
we → know → partners
Many of us have the experience a year after a breakup when a best friend says, “I knew that was never going to work!
asserted
that → have → breakup
I just didn’t say anything because it was important for you to see that for yourself.
asserted
you → say → yourself
Friends also know our limitations and what we can and cannot bring to a partner.
asserted
we → know → partner
They are more likely to be brutally honest with us than an app that matches us with someone in our area.
asserted
that → match → area
Once, I had to tell a friend of mine that the person she met at my house party and went on a date with might not be compatible with her financially.
uncertain
she → have → her
Ultimately, she agreed.
asserted
she → agree → ?
Too often, we underestimate the value of this kind of social knowledge.
asserted
we → underestimate → knowledge
I remember being annoyed at my friend when she casually told me that she has three brothers.
asserted
she → remember → brothers
I am not saying I wanted to get with any of the brothers, but surely those brothers have big friend groups and she could have set me up with someone?
uncertain
she → say → someone
My friend herself has been in a relationship over the last few years and had no idea that I would prefer her help over the multiple dating app options I have at my disposal.
asserted
I → have → disposal
“Why would you want to meet any of my stupid brothers’ friends when you have the whole world at your fingertips?” She asked me innocently.
asserted
She → want → me
When we erase community and friendships from the dating experience, dating becomes strategic in the most unpleasant of ways, says Landry.
asserted
Landry → erase → ways
“Because we are now in a time where every single thing we do is online, there are simply way too many ways to ‘not engage’ with someone online, even if offline they could be our perfect match.”
uncertain
they → do → someone
Landry’s best friend died in 2021 of cancer, but years before her death, she had the great pleasure of introducing her to the absolute love of her life.
asserted
she → die → life
“It was my one and only setup, and it was literally like I momentarily became a professional matchmaker.”
asserted
I → become → ?
“One day, I was at coffee with my friend, and he ordered his tea the exact same way my other friend ordered hers.”
asserted
friend → order → hers
At that moment, time stood still and out of her mouth came, “You should really meet my friend.”
asserted
You → stand → friend
They both protested.
asserted
They → protest → ?
Both told Landry that they had nothing in common and had no interest in the other.
asserted
they → tell → other
Just weeks later, they were living together.
asserted
they → live → ?
“While I will always miss my friend, I will forever be so happy she got to find true love with someone,” she says.
asserted
she → miss → someone
“And, point being, no app could have ever caught that ‘match’ moment like a best friend could.”
uncertain
friend → catch → moment
…and 10 more, not listed.
The Aporia
