This article is a first-person account of how 9/11 affected one person's life. The subject, Colin McShane, was just 4½ years old when his firefighter father died in the World Trade Center attacks. Today, at age 29, Colin works as a firefighter and has a deep connection to the FDNY, which he attributes to his desire to follow in his father's footsteps. He shares his personal experiences of growing up with a sense of loss and grief, but also of finding a sense of purpose through his work as a firefighter, particularly on the anniversary of 9/11.
Written by the local model on 2026-09-03,
using this article's own text rather than the other coverage of the
same event (that is the story summary below).
Twenty-five years later, Sept. 11 remains a watershed moment, one with both personal and global implications.
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Sept. → remain → implications
To mark the anniversary, TIME spoke to people with very different connections to the day, to hear about what they experienced at the time as well as the ripple effects.
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they → mark → time
Others know about the tragedy mostly from history class.
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Others → know → class
One thing is clear: The attacks that changed the world also changed lives.
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that → change → lives
I was 4½ when my dad died.
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dad → die → ?
I have only brief memories of that day.
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I → have → day
I remember my mom taking my twin brother and me out of preschool.
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mom → remember → preschool
I remember watching the TV at home and then going over to one of her friends’, whose husband was also a firefighter, and watching it there.
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husband → remember → it
We were so young, we didn’t really grasp what was actually going on.
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what → grasp → ?
But as you get older, you start to realize what you’ve missed out on.
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you → get → what
It’s not quite the same as being sad because you miss someone close to you.
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you → ’ → you
It’s more like you’re sad because you didn’t really get to be close to them.
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you → ’ → them
My dad was a cop for 12 years and a firefighter for only 18 months, but joining the FDNY was always his plan.
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joining → join → FDNY
For as long as I can remember, I also wanted to be a firefighter.
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I → remember → ?
I did the entry exam when I was 18, even though they don’t take anyone until 21.
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they → do → 21
I went to college, but I think I was just killing time.
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I → go → time
I dropped out after two years, as the process ramped up.
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process → drop → years
My mom kept encouraging me to consider other things, but she knew I had put all my eggs in that basket.
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I → keep → basket
I loved the routine and discipline of the academy, and I really tried to earn my spot; I didn’t want to feel like I was getting special treatment.
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I → love → treatment
A lot of things about the fire department don’t change, and I remember thinking my dad might have stood right where I was standing, worrying about getting yelled at by some drill instructor for having a button undone.
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button → change → instructor
I don’t have many shared memories with him, but that came close.
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that → have → him
He worked in Brooklyn, just on the other side of the tunnel from the World Trade Center.
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He → work → Center
I wanted to go to a different firehouse, to let the guys make up their mind about me without having known his reputation, so I’m in the Bronx.
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I → want → Bronx
The firefighters I meet that knew him, I feel like they're happy to see that I'm on the job.
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I → meet → job
On 9/11 I usually go to Mass at my firehouse and then drop by Ladder 101, where Dad worked.
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Dad → go → Ladder
Last year for the first time I met someone who was actually riding that day, and he gave me the full rundown.
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he → meet → rundown
They were staged at the mouth of the tunnel right under the towers, and as they sat there on the rigs, they watched the second plane come in.
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plane → stag → rigs
They could feel the impact and then they
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They → feel → impact
From what I understand, his group went up a way, came back down, and were in the lobby when the building collapsed.
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building → understand → lobby
Dad was also a lifeguard at Overlook Beach in Long Island, and the lifeguards there put up a little memorial for him.
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lifeguards → put → him
My mom is not big on going to the firehouse or the ceremonies in the city on the anniversaries.
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mom → go → anniversaries
I think it’s just too overwhelming.
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it → think → ?
So we do a more casual gathering in the afternoon.
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we → do → afternoon
It’s less somber, more a reason for everyone to just get together.
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everyone → ’ → ?
Sometimes the attention that comes with being a legacy firefighter is uncomfortable, but not for the reasons you might think.
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you → come → reasons
I don’t have trouble talking about it; it was something that happened when I was young, but I had a happy childhood and a very fortunate life.
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I → have → childhood
I’m not looking for sympathy—I feel lucky to have had that role model of selflessness and self-sacrifice.
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I → look → selflessness
On the other hand, I do miss having had a real relationship with my dad.
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I → miss → dad
Do I wish he was still alive?
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he → wish → ?
I sometimes wonder if I’d be different if I’d known my dad.
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I → wonder → dad
…and 318 more, not listed.
