Watching footage of Andy Burnham at the UN general assembly on Tuesday was like watching your child from behind a tree in the playground.
asserted
Watching → watch → playground
Are they making friends?
asserted
they → make → friends
How normal do they seem relative to the average?
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they → seem → average
How will they react when they come into contact with that hulking great child who seems to be running things?
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who → react → things
Burnham’s first face-to-face with Donald Trump was billed as a knife-edge encounter that, due to the latter’s capriciousness, could go either way.
uncertain
that → bill → capriciousness
In the event, it was drama-free, leaving observers to ask: was it Burnham’s brilliance or simply the weather in Trump’s head?
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it → leave → head
To viewers at home, Burnham’s performance at the press conference looked like that of a man who had worked out his best approach was to go for the sheepish, slightly cheeky air of the junior partner.
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approach → look → partner
Burnham is 24 years younger than Trump, on top of everything else – which can afford a certain licence to the less powerful person in any exchange.
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which → afford → exchange
At the last minute, the meeting had been moved behind closed doors and afterwards, in a windowless room at the UN, the two men appeared side by side, mirroring each other’s body language: just two guys, legs akimbo, shoulders hunched, hanging on a bench in the locker room.
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shoulders → move → room
It was intriguing to guess what Trump saw when he looked at the UK’s new prime minister.
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he → guess → minister
British people can’t always parse class or regional difference in Americans and one assumes Trump can’t distinguish Burnham’s accent from that of someone from Melbourne, or Torquay.
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Trump → parse → Melbourne
Still, something in the British prime minister’s bearing clearly appealed to him.
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something → appeal → him
“Thank you, Mr President,” said Burnham after Trump praised this country as “special” and Burnham’s tone – “That’s wonderful.
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That → thank → country
We really appreciate that.
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We → appreciate → that
This relationship matters so much to us” –
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relationship → matter → us
hit just the right note of warm condescension that probably struck the president as flattery.
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that → hit → flattery
Other factors in play: it seems ridiculous to mention, but knowing how superficial Trump is, it seems to me that Burnham’s extremely impressive coiffure for a man of his age – which appears to exist without augmentation – won’t have been missed by a US president who spends an awful lot of time on his hair.
There were also a couple of contextual factors that may have given Burnham an easier ride than some other, less fortunate world leaders.
uncertain
that → seem → leaders
First, the run-up to the meeting had seen Trump on absolutely top chaotic form while addressing delegates at the UN, threatening the destruction of Iran and going on a whimsical detour to try to get the acronym SI (“superintelligence”) as opposed to AI off the ground.
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acronym → see → ground
Perhaps, by lunchtime, he had burned himself out and was ready for a bit of quiet time.
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he → burn → time
We know Trump gets bored quicker than a toddler spoilt for toys and Burnham’s shiny newness will have, briefly, diverted him.
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newness → know → him
The replacement of Keir Starmer in relatively brutal fashion also gave Trump an opportunity to do something he loves more than anything else in this world, which is to kick a person when they’re down.
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they → give → person
When asked about recent rockiness in US-UK relations, the president replied, “No, I think they’re up … well, they’re more up now than they were with your last prime minister, let me put it that way.”
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me → ask → it
In that moment, one saw a tiny endorphin rush of meanness light up his face.
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rush → see → face
And finally, I guess, the president is fresh out of friends at the moment, as the fight with Canada continues and he falls out with his European friend Giorgia Meloni, formerly known as the “Trump whisperer”.
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he → guess → whisperer
As a result, Burnham was lavished with the highest praise Trump can summon, namely: “I think he’s a natural businessperson.”
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he → lavish → praise
An astute reader of weakness, he perhaps sensed in Burnham someone more sure of himself than Starmer was.
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Starmer → sense → himself
And the prime minister passed Trump’s do-you-think-you’re-better-than-me? test, in which anyone who displays any kind of overt intellectual curiosity is instantly a threat to be vanquished.
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who → pass → curiosity
Even his name, Andy, gives regular-guy vibes that probably helped.
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that → give → vibes
Burnham weathered all this with equanimity, although it was tempting to detect behind his poker face the shadow of a smirk while, surely, he thought to himself, “God, this guy”.
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he → weather → himself
“News is fake!” said Trump, and, in reference to the Chagos Islands, “they’re a very important piece of real estate!”
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they → say → estate
Meanwhile, Burnham smiled slightly as if appeasing a lunatic.
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Burnham → smile → lunatic
“He gets it,” said Trump and for once, one had to agree.
asserted
one → get → it
The Aporia
