Years ago, in my 20s, I dated a man I chose to marry.
asserted
I → date → man
He was lovely in all aspects except he didn’t want to have children.
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he → want → children
The problem with that is he never told me.
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he → tell → me
Yes, of course, we talked about everything before we got married.
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we → talk → everything
And I remember talking about wanting children.
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I → remember → children
But I don’t remember what he said, if he said anything at all.
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he → remember → anything
Fast forward and I got pregnant.
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I → get → ?
He was angry but didn’t ask me to do anything about it.
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He → ask → it
Good thing because I wouldn’t have.
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I → have → ?
We had our daughter and he fell in love.
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he → have → love
But then I got pregnant again and this time he was irate.
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he → get → ?
I tried to explain I wasn’t getting there on my own, but he was impossible to talk to.
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he → try → own
He left and didn’t come home for three days.
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He → leave → days
On Day 2 I started calling around and no one knew where he was, but his mother told me to wait it out another day.
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mother → start → it
On the third day my mother was over and we had just decided to call the police when he walked in the door.
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he → decide → door
He apologized and said he just needed some time.
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he → apologize → time
Our second daughter was born and he was a fabulous dad to both our girls.
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he → bear → girls
I truly thought I was the luckiest woman with this wonderful family.
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I → think → family
Until two years later, when I found out he’d been cheating on me for at least a year.
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he → find → year
Why would a man who doesn’t want children start up with another woman when clearly he has potent sperm and is good at making babies?
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he → want → babies
No Baby Daddy
A I couldn’t tell you why your husband cheated on you.
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husband → tell → you
And I agree it seems strange since he was so afraid of siring children.
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he → agree → children
But people cheat — men and women.
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people → cheat → ?
Some cheat because they’re bored with their partners; some cheat because they need the attention; still others cheat because they lack the self-discipline to not be distracted by another person while in a relationship with someone else.
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they → cheat → someone
I assume you are no longer married to this man, which is the right thing, for you.
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which → assume → you
You will find someone better suited.
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You → find → someone
My son is on the spectrum and has managed to have a great school life and a wonderful group of friends.
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son → manage → friends
He has come to find his place at a summer camp, where he goes for two months every year.
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he → come → months
He is treated like gold, and the boys absolutely adore him and incorporate him into everything.
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boys → treat → everything
I just found out he had a girlfriend for the past four weeks.
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he → find → weeks
Apparently she is also on the spectrum, but lower functioning.
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she → function → spectrum
My initial reaction is I’m happy my son found someone who ‘loved’ him for who he is.
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he → ’m → him
But the more I think about it the more concerned I am.
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I → think → it
I don’t know what they did sexually, but I’m afraid to ask.
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I → know → what
How do I parent this?
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I → parent → this
Calmly and quietly get him to open up to you.
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him → get → you
If he doesn’t mention his girlfriend, push him in that direction.
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he → mention → direction
Talk to him about sexual activity and make sure he knows about consent.
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he → talk → consent
Discuss all the ins and outs of sex and sexual activity and make sure he has a clear understanding.
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he → discuss → understanding
Then watch him grow.
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him → watch → ?
…and 8 more, not listed.
The Aporia
