My sister-in-law lives across the country.
asserted
sister → live → country
For years, we shipped each other’s children Christmas gifts.
asserted
we → ship → gifts
A few years ago, she went through a difficult divorce and has since stopped sending gifts.
asserted
she → go → gifts
While we didn’t discuss it, I figured it was a financial strain, which is understandable.
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which → discuss → it
My issue is that we continued to send her children gifts but have never received a thank-you or even an acknowledgment.
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we → continue → you
I feel it’s rude, but my husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal.
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it → feel → ?
Am I wrong in feeling this way?
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I → feel → way
— LOVES CHRISTMAS IN CHICAGO
DEAR LOVES CHRISTMAS:
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DEAR → love → CHRISTMAS
Those children should have been taught from an early age that it is important to acknowledge gifts they receive with a thank-you note or, at the very least, a phone call, text or email.
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they → teach → least
Not to do that is, indeed, rude, but don’t blame the kids.
asserted
do → blame → kids
The blame falls on the parents who failed to teach them basic good manners.
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who → fall → manners
Speaking of the parents, ask your sister-in-law if she is still comfortable with the gifts you send to her children.
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you → speak → children
Her family’s failure to show gratitude may be a hint that they feel guilty about being unable to reciprocate.
uncertain
they → show → gratitude
In the divorce, I received my house, which is almost paid for.
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which → receive → house
My family, including my daughter (40), her husband (42), my son (36), my nephew (42) and my granddaughter (12), all live in that house.
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family → include → house
I moved out and into a place with a friend whose house is paid for.
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house → move → friend
The adults are all employed full time.
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adults → employ → ?
The plan was for them to pay me rent until my granddaughter graduates from high school (six more years).
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granddaughter → pay → school
Unfortunately, the only ones paying rent regularly are my son (who pays all the utilities) and my nephew, who was just diagnosed with end-stage renal disease and is going on dialysis.
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who → pay → dialysis
I have already sat down with the others and had the talk that the rent is due on the first of the month; after that, it is late.
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it → sit → that
I even send them text reminders a week before it’s due.
asserted
it → send → reminders
What other options do I have to get my daughter and son-in-law to pay their share of the rent?
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daughter → have → rent
This money is supposed to be going into my retirement fund so I can retire when I’m 70 or 72.
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I → suppose → fund
The house is in a top school district, so I don’t want to evict them and jeopardize my granddaughter’s education.
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I → want → education
Would it be possible to enlist your son and nephew to apply some social pressure on the deadbeat couple?
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it → enlist → couple
It would have been better if you’d had more than a verbal agreement from the start, but it’s not too late.
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it → have → start
Draft a formal lease contract, including penalties for late payment, and insist that everyone sign it.
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everyone → draft → it
If possible, have them set up a direct monthly transfer of funds from their bank accounts to yours.
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them → have → yours
Always be firm and professional, and consult a lawyer if you need ideas other than eviction to encourage prompt payment.
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you → consult → payment
** ** **
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren.
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Abby → write → Buren
For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
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which → pen → mother
The Aporia
