The article reports on a fictional account of a house party in the Bay Area, where the host, Rob, enforces a strict no-phone policy by placing guests' devices in a Faraday cage. The story explores the city's unique culture and its tendency to speak to people in different ways, citing Paul Graham's quote that every city sends a message. The article doesn't provide specific numbers or data, but rather offers an anecdotal and humorous take on the Bay Area's social dynamics. This piece is a satirical commentary on the tech industry and its influence on society.
Written by the local model on 2026-08-20,
using this article's own text rather than the other coverage of the
same event (that is the story summary below).
Story summary
In a thought-provoking article, Scott Alexander from Astral Codex Ten explores the concept that cities have distinct personalities or messages to convey. He draws parallels between various cities, noting that New York values wealth, Berkeley prioritizes wellness, and Boston emphasizes intellectualism. The author then turns his attention to San Francisco, describing it as a city that speaks in a cacophony of conflicting voices, urging its residents to explore the unknown and pursue knowledge (*"You should pierce the veil"*). However, there's also another voice present in San Francisco, shouting about *"STONKS!"*, which Alexander suggests may be related to the personality or past experiences of its listeners. The article is part of a larger series and has an 8.0% correction rate, indicating a high level of editorial scrutiny.
Written for “Bay Area Party Shooting” on 2026-08-31,
grounded in this article and the 0 other(s) covering the same event.
[previously in series: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9]
Paul Graham once said that every city sends a message.
asserted
city → say → message
New York says you should make more money.
asserted
you → say → money
Berkeley says you should live better.
asserted
you → say → ?
Boston says you should be smarter.
asserted
you → say → ?
People shouldn’t decide on a permanent residence until they’ve lived in several cities and understand their differing psychological effects.
asserted
they → decide → effects
San Francisco sends a message too.
asserted
Francisco → send → message
It speaks it in a cacophony of dissonant voices, some sounding like the hissing of snakes, others like the chittering of insects.
asserted
others → speak → insects
“You should pierce the veil,” it says, with a faint accent which you are not scholarly enough to recognize as ancient Sumerian.
asserted
you → pierce → Sumerian
“You should rip through the flimsy screen that separates your world from the infinite, and witness what lies behind.
asserted
what → rip → infinite
Because you’d like what you saw there?
asserted
you → like → what
The thirst for knowledge that moved Eve, Faust, Pandora - don’t you have it too?
asserted
you → move → it
There’s also a second message from a second voice, one which sounds like a deranged carnival barker, constantly shouting “STONKS! STONKS! STONKS! STONKS!”
asserted
which → ’ → STONKS
Which of the two voices you hear depends on your personality, and maybe how many psychedelics you took in college.
asserted
you → hear → college
According to legend, Sam Altman hears both voices simultaneously all the time, like those Tibetan throat singers who can harmonize with themselves.
uncertain
who → accord → themselves
But when the demonic babble becomes too much to tolerate, the San Franciscans drown it out with alcohol, loud music, and various forms of tedious socialization.
asserted
Franciscans → become → socialization
Thus the famous Bay Area house parties, one of which you will be attending this very night.
asserted
you → attend → which
You were in the Bay for the big 2020 crime wave, when people would hang “NO VALUABLES IN THIS VEHICLE” sign on their car’s front window, mezuzah-like, hoping against hope to ward off break-ins.
asserted
people → hang → ins
Still, you’re surprised to see the new sign on the front door of your friend Rob’s house: “NO BENCHMARK ANSWER KEYS IN THIS BUILDING”.
asserted
you → ’re → BUILDING
On the ground is a sad-looking green box lined with aluminum foil.
asserted
box → line → foil
You wonder how serious the sign is, but your curiosity is sated immediately upon entering.
asserted
curiosity → wonder → ?
Rob is confronting a heavily-made-up Zoomer woman standing near the table, talking on her phone.
asserted
Rob → confront → phone
“Didn’t you read the sign?” he asks.
asserted
he → read → sign
“I lost the ability to read,” says the woman.
asserted
woman → lose → ability
“I’m part of the new post-literate society everyone’s talking about.
asserted
everyone → ’m → society
You know, Walter Ong.”
asserted
You → know → Ong
“Huh?” says Rob.
asserted
Rob → say → ?
“That’s not a real thing!
asserted
That → ’ → ?
That’s just something all the journalists and intellectuals say!”
asserted
journalists → ’ → ?
“How could something all the journalists and intellectuals say not be a real thing?” asks the Zoomette.
uncertain
Zoomette → say → ?
Rob pauses.
asserted
Rob → pause → ?
“Wow, maybe you can’t read,” he says, in a tone of hushed awe.
asserted
he → read → awe
“It’s fine, I’m not judgmental.
asserted
I → ’ → ?
But cell phone in the Faraday cage, that’s the rule.”
asserted
that → ’ → cage
“Why?” asks the woman.
asserted
woman → ask → ?
“Oh man,” said Rob.
asserted
Rob → say → ?
You might want to sit down for this one.
uncertain
You → want → one
And you might want to be much, much drunker.”
uncertain
you → want → ?
The two of them head off together.
asserted
two → head → them
You search for more stimulating conversation, but find only the usual startup dick-measuring.
asserted
You → search → measuring
“I’m the CFO of Epstart,” says a man whose nametag identifies him as Behram.
asserted
nametag → ’m → Behram
…and 202 more, not listed.
