There used to be two versions of me who came on every trip: the woman I wanted to be, and the woman I actually was.
asserted
I → use → trip
The first wore high heels to dinner and packed silk dresses for occasions that existed only in her imagination.
asserted
that → wear → imagination
She had a different hat for every day of the week, each one deemed essential enough to be balanced in a wobbly stack through airports, and jewellery to match each outfit.
asserted
She → have → outfit
Well, she had a bunion on her left big toe that made those heels unbearable after 10 minutes, and she hated rummaging through a bulging suitcase looking for matching earrings.
asserted
she → have → earrings
Mostly, she just wanted to be warm and comfortable, neither of which she ever was.
asserted
she → want → which
For a surprisingly long time, the fantasy version of myself kept winning.
asserted
version → win → myself
Case in point: at 30, I trekked Nepal’s Poon Hill trail to 3200 metres wearing cosmic-print leggings, a hot pink T-shirt, John Lennon sunglasses and about five kilograms of chunky Nepalese coin jewellery.
asserted
I → trek → jewellery
“I’d rather fall off this mountain than wear North Face,” I proudly declared to my husband, ignoring the sweat gathering at the crotch of my synthetic leggings and the chafe at the back of my neck from the jewels.
asserted
I → fall → jewels
I wish I could say I learned my lesson then.
uncertain
I → wish → lesson
But it wasn’t until I turned 40 two years ago that I stopped packing for the woman I wanted to be perceived as, and started packing for the one who was actually boarding the plane.
asserted
who → turn → plane
The heels were gradually replaced by Blundstone boots, New Balance trainers and Teva velcro sandals.
asserted
heels → replace → boots
My carefully curated outfits became a capsule wardrobe of jeans, cotton shirts, one warm jumper that goes with everything and, in what my 28-year-old self would have considered a catastrophic sartorial failure, even a puffer jacket.
asserted
self → curate → what
The hairdryer stayed home after I finally surrendered to the wavy hair I spent my entire pre-midlife life trying to tame.
asserted
I → stay → life
My jewellery collection shrank to the same simple gold pieces I wear every day because, frankly, life is too short to spend precious travel time wondering which earrings best complement a monastery.
asserted
earrings → shrink → monastery
Now this could all be blamed on shifting aesthetics.
uncertain
this → blame → aesthetics
After all, gorpcore is having its big moment, and North Face is now considered genuinely cool.
asserted
Face → have → moment
But I think it’s more a reflection of where I’m at now in my life – of what genuinely interests me, and the things that make me feel most alive.
asserted
me → think → me
The woman who once planned holidays around rooftop bars and boutiques now gets disproportionately excited by hiking trails, independent bookshops and conversations about native grasses.
asserted
who → plan → grasses
I’d rather spend an afternoon birdwatching than shopping, and I’m far more interested in the culture of a place than its cocktail scene.
asserted
I → spend → scene
As my suitcase has become less cluttered, my approach to the travels I’m taking it on has, too.
asserted
I → become → it
I no longer feel as compelled to see everything.
asserted
I → feel → everything
Given the choice between racing through 10 attractions or spending an afternoon watching the light change over a mountain valley, I’ll now choose the light every time.
asserted
I → give → light
I’ve stopped trying (so hard) to impress strangers too, whether it’s by wearing uncomfortable clothes, forcing myself to stay out late because everyone else is, or feeling obliged to be endlessly fascinating to the people I meet.
asserted
I → stop → people
And as it turns out, when you’re not spending mental energy deciding between outfits or worrying whether you’re making the most of every minute, there’s more attention left for the place itself.
asserted
you → turn → place
Suddenly you hear the prayer flags snapping in the wind more clearly.
asserted
flags → hear → wind
You notice the woman weaving baskets outside her home, or spend twenty minutes watching an old man sharpen knives for reasons you can’t entirely explain.
asserted
you → notice → reasons
Alongside the sensible shoes there’s now a magnesium supplement, a silk sleep mask and silicone earplugs because, well, post-40 a good night’s sleep becomes one of travel’s greatest luxuries.
asserted
sleep → ’ → luxuries
There’s also a cake of high-quality tea, because I can’t fathom the idea of starting the day with a mediocre brew, and a massage ball because after 40, you spend less time collecting souvenirs and more time collecting ingenious ways to release your glutes.
asserted
you → ’ → glutes
None of these things are things anyone else will notice or admire.
asserted
anyone → notice → things
But they make my travels immeasurably better because they’re packed for how I feel on the trip, not how anyone else perceives it.
asserted
anyone → make → it
Turns out the best thing I’ve ever unpacked wasn’t the hairdryer.
asserted
I → turn → ?
It was the person I thought I had to be.
asserted
I → think → ?
The Aporia
