Seven German politicians swanned down the corridor and entered the Commons foreign affairs committee to join one of its meetings.
asserted
politicians → swanne → meetings
Blimey, since when was that permitted?
asserted
that → permit → when
Why did our grandparents even bother with D-Day?
asserted
grandparents → bother → Day
The committee’s Labour chairman, Dame Emily Thornberry, gushed that it was ‘a unique and historic day – we are sooo honoured’.
asserted
we → gush → ?
Others might be more concerned about the rupturing of a tenet of Westminster: that only people elected by the British people should sit in our Parliament.
uncertain
people → elect → Parliament
The Germans’ presence was the result of the Kensington Treaty, a little-noticed agreement signed by that leviathan of our times, Sir Keir Starmer, and ratified last week by Andy Burnham.
asserted
presence → notice → Burnham
In addition to undertakings on defence, immigration and school visits, it allowed Dame Emily to throw open her committee to a Berlin delegation led by Armin Laschet, one-time would-be chancellor of Germany and now Dame Emily’s counterpart in the Bundestag.
asserted
Emily → allow → Bundestag
Herr Laschet, a plump, buttery presence, led a delegation whose English was better than several members of the Commons.
asserted
English → lead → Commons
Six home-team MPs turned up to welcome them.
asserted
MPs → turn → them
So we were outnumbered.
asserted
we → outnumber → ?
Dame Emily, at her most dazzlingly dimpled, gurgled ‘guten Morgen’ and managed to call the German parliament the ‘Bundesbank’.
asserted
Emily → gurgle → parliament
She added: ‘Germany is and always has been a key ally.’
asserted
Germany → add → ?
Dame Emily, at her most dazzlingly dimpled, gurgled ‘guten Morgen’ and managed to call the German parliament the ‘Bundesbank’, writes Quentin Letts
The German ambassador also sat at the committee table.
asserted
ambassador → gurgle → table
She looked a little tense.
asserted
She → look → ?
Labour’s Fleur Anderson (Putney) asked what the visitors thought of the Kensington Treaty.
asserted
visitors → ask → Treaty
Herr Laschet came over as creamy as Geschnetzeltes sauce.
asserted
Laschet → come → sauce
It was eight minutes before we had first mention of ‘the Brexit’, from a Greenish type, Awet Tesfaiesus.
asserted
we → have → type
She was followed by Jurgen Hardt, who was going pink in the face (the room was overheated) and nearly succumbed to a coughing attack.
asserted
room → follow → attack
‘The Brexit?’ he spluttered.
asserted
he → splutter → Brexit
‘We regret the decision but accept the decision.’
asserted
We → regret → decision
A thickset lad, Stefan Keuter, disliked the Kensington Treaty.
asserted
lad → dislike → Treaty
Not that he had read the thing, so ‘please not to ask the questions’.
asserted
he → read → questions
He was wearing a clip-on bow tie as pale blue as Unity Mitford’s eyes.
asserted
He → wear → eyes
Keuter was keen on Brexit and congratulated Dame Emily and Co on escaping the grasping mitts of Brussels.
asserted
Keuter → congratulate → Brussels
He wished Germany could do the same.
uncertain
Germany → wish → same
Dame Emily looked as if she had just swallowed a particularly iffy Pinkel.
asserted
she → look → Pinkel
Herr Keuter wanted to start buying oil and gas again from that harmless soul V. Putin.
asserted
Keuter → want → soul
He believed the Ukraine war wasn’t the Kremlin’s fault.
asserted
war → believe → ?
While the British were silently digesting these stink bombs, the other extreme was represented by a lady from Die Linke, unilateral disarmament enthusiasts who are comparable to Corbynites.
asserted
who → digest → Corbynites
Good grief, haven’t we enough loonies of our own without importing more from the Continent?
asserted
we → have → Continent
But the real hardliners when it came to diplomacy were the so-called centrists.
asserted
it → come → diplomacy
Edward Morello (Lib Dem, W Dorset) asked about ‘the dreaded Brexit word’.
asserted
Morello → ask → word
He’d apologise for his shadow.
asserted
He → apologise → shadow
The question triggered a self-contradictory response from smoothie-chops Laschet, who noted that while Brexit was obvs. bad, relations between Berlin and London had, er, never been closer owing to our cooperation on defence.
asserted
relations → trigger → defence
He shrugged his shoulders about the EU refusing to buy British weapons and boasted about how Brussels enjoys wielding its economic muscle.
asserted
Brussels → shrug → muscle
Herr Hardt, who had by now stopped coughing, said it was time we learned to follow EU regulations.
asserted
we → stop → regulations
All this in a Westminster parliamentary hearing in which he sat with a status equal to the people we actually elected.
asserted
we → sit → people
Adis Ahmetovic, a social democrat, weighed in with a gloopy paean to Andy Burnham.
asserted
Ahmetovic → weigh → Burnham
‘I am so full of passion for Britain,’ he trilled, despite having once spent 14 days in Leeds.
asserted
he → trill → Leeds
Brexit was ‘not the best answer’, we were informed.
asserted
we → inform → ?
…and 1 more, not listed.
The Aporia
