Well-chosen words can move me, but so can words left carefully unspoken.
asserted
words → choose → me
Too often, the news brings us stories of people who have died or gone missing.
asserted
who → bring → people
Some of these stories have missing words with their own gravity, like miniature linguistic black holes.
asserted
Some → have → holes
When the news presents an adult gone missing from their family without an obvious explanation (like “hiking alone” or “nighttime swim”), I scan the article for words like “depression” and “troubled” or for other signs that the family’s fear is a very specific one about suicide.
asserted
fear → present → suicide
When an apparently physically healthy person dies without explanation, I look for the same words, or for the discreet circumlocutions that sometimes replace them.
asserted
that → die → them
We’ve gotten more careful with language.
asserted
We → get → language
That’s good.
asserted
That → ’ → ?
The media has listened to expert advice about how to report on suicide, and has outgrown traditional terminology that carried ancient judgments.
asserted
that → listen → judgments
Those judgments — that suicide is a crime, that it’s sin, that it’s shameful, that it’s an act of violence against the self and against family, are pernicious.
asserted
it → ’ → family
They deter people from seeking help, because they tell people suffering from depression and anxiety “you’re a bad person for even thinking about that, you’re a bad person for feeling the way you do.”
asserted
you → deter → that
That message, that lie depression tells us,
asserted
depression → tell → us
More Americans died by suicide last year than any year on record, probably more than car crashes, around 16 nine-elevens.
asserted
Americans → die → elevens
Good messaging on this subject saves; bad messaging kills.
asserted
messaging → save → subject
Good messaging isn’t easy, especially in the context of reporting deaths.
asserted
messaging → report → deaths
The media is also understandably loath to invade the privacy of the deceased or their loved ones, or jump to conclusions about a death in a way that could simply stigmatize suicide further.
uncertain
that → invade → suicide
So when someone like Sinéad O'Connor dies without explanation and without “signs of foul play,” the media implies, but doesn’t ask.
asserted
media → die → play
Stories about O’Connor mention her history struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, her efforts to de-stigmatize those afflictions, and the excruciatingly tragic death of her young son by suicide and her recent vocal anguish over it.
asserted
Stories → mention → it
But when it comes to her death, they don’t ask the questions, they don’t say the words.
asserted
they → come → words
The missing words hang there, heavy, like lead weights.
asserted
words → hang → weights
Could the media do that better?
uncertain
media → do → that
I’m not sure.
asserted
I → ’m → ?
I suppose the media could hold off on implying anything about the cause of death until and unless one is announced.
uncertain
one → suppose → death
But stories like this hit hard if you struggle with depression, if you’ve ever been plagued by thoughts of suicide yourself.
asserted
you → hit → suicide
Those feelings don’t wait until the full story is in.
asserted
story → wait → ?
I remember when I learned Robin Williams died by suicide.
asserted
Williams → remember → suicide
I was in an elevator, riding up to the psychiatrist who would see me for perhaps a hundred and fifty seconds, a few months into recovery from a profound and near-fatal surge of inexorable depression.
asserted
who → rid → depression
It felt like a blow to the head.
asserted
It → feel → head
I stopped the elevator between floors and gripped the railings hard and breathed deeply several times and over the snotty blattttt of the elevator alarm I thought Jesus.
asserted
I → stop → alarm
If he can’t hack it, how can I?
asserted
I → hack → it
I am certain O’Connor’s death landed the same way for millions.
asserted
death → land → millions
But I could hack it, I can, I do.
uncertain
I → hack → it
It’ll be ten years next year, and here I am, still going, doing pretty well most of the time, more confident in the tools I’ve collected to weather the bad times.
asserted
I → go → times
Our moral imperative of depression and suicide is to get more people from there to here.
asserted
imperative → get → people
That’s hard.
asserted
That → ’ → ?
It’s hard because it involves asking suffering people to make a kind of leap of faith — to ask for help even if they can’t and don’t believe it will work, even if it hasn’t worked before, even if they are unable to imagine (because depression lies) that it could work.
uncertain
it → ’ → help
It’s describing light to one born blind.
asserted
It → describe → one
Maybe that’s not the media’s job, at least not when it wears its news-reporting hat.
asserted
it → ’ → hat
I suppose there are ways the media could finesse it.
uncertain
media → suppose → it
Reporters could say “while no cause of death has been reported for Sinéad O'Connor, her history of frankness on the subject of depression and her recent anguish about her son’s death by suicide has led to fans expressing their fears and anxieties on the subject.
uncertain
fans → say → subject
Here are resources for people struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, and here’s an expert to talk about it.
asserted
expert → struggle → it
…and 25 more, not listed.
