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Woke Is Dead ran the title of a bestselling book by the broadcaster Piers Morgan last year.
asserted
Is → see → broadcaster
Many obituaries have been written for the social contagion that arguably reached its apex during the pandemic, when millions were locked in their houses, scrolling social media and getting increasingly furious about Black Lives Matter and other assorted 'injustices'.
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millions → write → Matter
Well, if woke really is dead, no one told the owners of the Last Ditch Bar in Greenfield, Massachusetts.
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one → tell → Greenfield
The scruffy establishment, which caters chiefly to lesbians, could be the most woke institution left on Planet Earth.
uncertain
which → cater → Earth
This week, it has found itself embroiled in a controversy that, as the colloquialism goes, has 'broken the internet'.
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colloquialism → find → internet
The Boston Globe – the first newspaper to report the story – is set to receive the biggest subscription boost in its history over the viral article, and the initial tweet about the story has been viewed more than 30 million times.
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tweet → report → story
The row has sparked astonishment from figures such as the Republican Texas Senator Ted Cruz, as well as incredulity even from The Guardian, plus conservative Fox News and the New York Post.
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row → spark → Guardian
One online pundit accurately summed up the general public's response, calling the situation 'intergalactic woke batcrapitude'.
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pundit → sum → situation
In particular, the bizarre episode has revealed how a baffling number of Left-wingers, rather like those Japanese soldiers in the jungles of Guam who believed they were still fighting the Second World War long after it had ended, have not updated their worldview in six long years.
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it → reveal → years
if woke really is dead, no one told the owners of the Last Ditch Bar in Greenfield, Massachusetts (pictured)
Pictured: The 'house rules' of the lesbian venue Last Ditch Bar which sparked a war in Massachuesetts after dropping their face mask mandate
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which → wake → mandate
The stern 'venue norms' of Last Ditch are plastered over the walls of the basement venue.
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norms → plaster → venue
'Racism, Misogynoir [racism directed towards black women], Transmisogyny, Ableism, Transphobia, Homophobia, Lesbophobia, and any other discrimination will not be tolerated,' declares one of these house rules.
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one → direct → rules
'No one is permitted to touch anyone, in any way, without getting express, verbal consent,' ran another – an injunction that even includes touching patrons' 'assistive devices' such as wheelchairs, canes and hearing aids, should they have any.
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they → permit → any
A third rule proclaims: 'Nobody will be barred from entry due to lack of funds.
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Nobody → proclaim → funds
'
But it was the requirement that every punter wear a 'well-fitted KN-95 respirator mask (or better) at all times' that is perhaps the most surprising.
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that → wear → times
These are the exceptionally cumbersome and uncomfortable masks designed to prevent the spread of respiratory viruses such as Covid-19.
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These → design → Covid-19
The bar, which calls the masks 'safety belts for the face', specified that the buzz-killing accessories are 'required when not actively taking a sip of your drink or taking a bite of a snack.
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accessories → call → snack
Anyone who fell foul of this stricture would expect to be asked to leave, although they might first be 'provided with an opportunity to engage in an accountability process'.
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they → fall → process
The Last Ditch, then, didn't exactly scream 'fun night out'.
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Ditch → scream → night
The management's propensity for making cringingly self-righteous statements on various matters probably didn't help.
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propensity → make → matters
Last September, for example, it announced it was banning all law enforcement from the premises after a police officer pursuing two drugs suspects had briefly come into the bar looking for them.
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officer → announce → them
'We reserve the right to refuse entry and service to the pigs in all their forms,' proclaimed the bar on social media, accompanying this act of rebel bravado with a picture of a person throwing a Molotov cocktail.
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bar → reserve → cocktail
Perhaps not surprisingly, the bar, which only opened last year, swiftly began running into financial difficulties.
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which → open → difficulties
The Last Ditch's founders – a trio of 20-something housemates that included a drag performer who uses 'it/its' pronouns and another who is now training to become a professional clown, both of whom have since left – soon found themselves unable to meet their costs.
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themselves → include → costs
Facing closure, the remaining owner, Jackie Matellian, decided to relax the mandatory mask policy for just one night per week.
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owner → face → week
A month ago, the bar announced this momentous change in a rainbow-coloured Instagram post to its 11,300 followers, saying: 'It is with love we inform our immunocompromised disabled divas we will be opening Saturday nights as "mask optional"...
'
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we → announce → mask
Our mission is to also make the space work for everyone and everything radical, sometimes that's being wild!'
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that → make → everyone
The venue owners required every punter to wear a 'well-fitted KN-95 respirator mask (or better) at all times'
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owners → require → times
The row has sparked astonishment from figures such as the Republican Texas Senator Ted Cruz (pictured)
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row → spark → Senator
No matter that Greenfield hasn't reported any Covid cases for months, or that the pandemic was officially declared over by the World Health Organisation in 2023.
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pandemic → report → 2023
All hell broke loose.
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hell → break → ?
Hundreds of angry comments flooded the bar's social media accounts, with many calling for a boycott and others threatening violence.
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others → flood → violence
The owners were branded 'eugenicists' intent on murdering the sick.
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owners → brand → sick
One protester (who says she is raising her child, named Cloud, to be 'gender neutral') called for the bar to be burnt to the ground, writing: 'I hope your venue gets firebombed for robbing my fellow immunocompromised people of their Saturday plans just to scrape extra revenue from ablists [sic].
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venue → say → ]
Another accused the bar's management of trying to 'kill disabled people in the name of your own leisure and convenience'.
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Another → accuse → leisure
'Just say you're being complicit in a mass disabling event and get it over with,' one said.
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one → say → it
'What is truly being WILD is announcing a change of this magnitude in such a cavalier, callous fashion,' screeched another.
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another → announce → fashion
Stunned at the outcry, which came mainly from the bar's patrons rather than armchair progressives thousands of miles away, Last Ditch posted a craven apology two days later reminiscent of something out of a Soviet show trial.
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Ditch → stun → trial
'We are sorry for our passive and dismissive tone of our change to the norms and schedule impacting the most intersectional of us,' grovelled the management.
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management → impact → us
'We understand everyone faces different intersections [sic] and we are always working to consider all needs fully.'
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we → understand → needs
…and 27 more, not listed.
The Aporia
