Didn't you know?
asserted
you → know → ?
She is homeless and filthy and hungry and has excellent taste in candles, which are now on sale.
asserted
which → have → sale
This is Halloween 2026, when one of the richest women on Earth—the world's first self-made female billionaire—dressed as a homeless woman, her face smudged with dirt, a sign beckoning for food.
asserted
face → make → food
The titan of home decor unveiled her costume in an Instagram carousel hawking her flameless Halloween candles, available on QVC.
asserted
titan → unveil → QVC
The bit was short-lived.
asserted
bit → live → ?
It quickly became a casualty of internet commentators, some of whom were not impressed by the delta between Stewart's wealth and the lack thereof held by those who live the reality she briefly cosplayed.
asserted
she → become → reality
You mean to say a rich person would pretend to be poor?
asserted
person → mean → ?
Stewart deleted the post and attempted to make it right.
asserted
it → delete → post
The costume was supposed to "bring more awareness to the very serious subject of homelessness," she said in a statement.
asserted
she → suppose → statement
This subject "continues to remain one of America's greatest challenges and ongoing crises," she added, "something that I care deeply about and I have spent a significant amount of time and effort supporting charities that combat this ongoing social epidemic.
asserted
that → continue → epidemic
I do not know anyone who is unaware of homelessness, though it is possible such a group exists.
asserted
group → know → homelessness
If awareness was the goal, perhaps Stewart could have suited up in a construction vest and mummified her body in red tape while tossing off citations like she does one of her salads.
uncertain
she → suit → salads
I may even have bought a candle.
uncertain
I → buy → candle
What can Stewart do to atone for this, then?
asserted
Stewart → do → this
Her apology will not soothe the loudest people who were angry with her.
asserted
who → soothe → her
That's usually how this goes.
asserted
this → go → ?
Often it just makes it worse.
asserted
it → make → ?
Halloween costumes allow the wearer to embody something they are not.
asserted
they → allow → something
While she is famous in part for gardening, I still picture the dirt ricocheting off her face when she pulls up flowers, because she is Martha Stewart.
asserted
she → picture → flowers
That is not to diminish the misery of being homeless, or the importance of compassion toward those experiencing it.
asserted
That → diminish → it
If this is the line we are to draw, though, we should probably cancel Halloween, because it is difficult to see how the holiday's tradition survives that level of scrutiny.
asserted
tradition → draw → scrutiny
This year, Elizabeth Holmes—the entrepreneur convicted of fraud in connection with her bogus medical startup Theranos—was a popular choice, notwithstanding that her actions allegedly cheated people out of millions and millions of dollars.
uncertain
actions → convict → dollars
People have dressed as Jeffrey Dahmer, a name synonymous with "serial murderer."
asserted
People → dress → murderer
They have dressed as Satan himself (but make it sexy).
asserted
it → dress → Satan
The author of this piece dressed as an engorged duck on his way to slaughter.
asserted
author → dress → slaughter
Are we really drawing the line at homeless people?
asserted
we → draw → people
Nor is she a stranger to being misunderstood.
asserted
she → misunderstand → ?
Her most notable black mark—that 2004 criminal conviction—was not, as many people believe, for insider trading.
asserted
people → believe → trading
She didn't even go to trial for that.
asserted
She → go → that
It was for lying to investigators.
asserted
It → lie → investigators
Above all, though: She is no stranger to bouncing back.
asserted
She → bounce → all
Stewart achieved what feels like the impossible: reclaiming her spot as America's spotless hostess after spending time in federal prison.
asserted
what → achieve → prison
This is not a trajectory we typically associate with people famous for icing cookies and curating the perfect dinner party.
asserted
we → associate → party
Her legacy is defined by identities that appear wildly at odds yet somehow fuse into an unlikely whole; her closet includes prison khakis beside pressed aprons.
asserted
closet → define → aprons
In that way, what costume is more appropriate for her than the one she wore this year?
asserted
she → wear → one
The Aporia
