Karoline Leavitt is long gone but the show must go on — and Tuesday, in her place for the White House press conference, was the aggressively bland Todd Blanche.
asserted
Blanche → go → conference
A painfully awkward man who currently serves as the United States Attorney General and formerly served as Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, Blanche spent most of his time at the podium talking about sweat.
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Blanche → serve → sweat
Granted, it was a hot day, and reporters were gathered in the Rose Garden, which is no longer a garden but a paved-over collection of white stone slabs that reflect a lot of heat, but it was still a strange choice of topic.
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it → grant → topic
To begin with, Blanche reeled off a couple of “wins” surrounding Trump administration arrests and investigations, before opening for “questions, if there are any,” which of course there would be, because this is why everybody was here.
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everybody → begin → course
“I noticed you guys are sweating, which is nice,” he added, seemingly a joke, but let’s face it, also playing to his boss with the follow-up zinger: “I love to see that.”
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I → notice → that
And so began a press conference of circular logic and non-answers and Blanche checking his watch.
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Blanche → begin → watch
There were a couple of humorous faux pas along the way — “We are working together to prioritize unlawful voting in our elections,” was one of them — but mostly it was as expected for a lawyer.
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it → be → lawyer
For instance: on the latest Supreme Court ruling, which blocked Trump administration plans to screen and restrict mail-in ballots, and which Trump had railed against while personally insulting the judges involved, Blanche could only say that the president “has every right and indeed he should communicate his concerns with the Supreme Court when he has them” because “that’s what democracy’s about.”
uncertain
democracy → block → what
I’m pretty sure I know what he was getting at here: that American democracy is based on three distinct branches of governance and that those branches not always agreeing with each other is part of the democratic process.
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agreeing → ’m → process
But the idea that Trump should tell the Supreme Court when he disagrees with them seems a little more like overstepping or attempting to upset that democracy rather than support it.
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he → tell → it
What do I know, though?
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I → know → What
Just to underline his point, Blanche added that Trump has the right to “communicate his frustration to the American people.”
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Trump → underline → people
It’s a phrase that a lot of Trump loyalists have been using lately: that Trump “has a right” to do various things, as if the poor president of the United States is simply trying to say a couple short sentences and keeps getting cut off, as if he’s just never been heard in this family.
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he → ’ → family
As if the man in charge of everybody else’s rights is the real one in danger of having his rights violated.
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rights → have → danger
It’s a nice little destabilizing bit of doublespeak that’s presumably intended to confuse someone enough to stop them continuing their line of questioning.
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them → ’ → questioning
Asked about possible government interference in the midterm elections, Blanche responded that “the federal government is always involved in elections,” which is of course deliberately obtuse.
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which → ask → course
On AI and the possibility of extra regulation, he opined that “there’s a lot of criminal laws” already, so “if anyone associated with AI violates criminal law, we’ll prosecute it.”
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we → opine → it
“We’re not going to regulate AI,” he added, before extolling the technology’s virtues.
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he → go → virtues
He later added that if OpenAI, Anthropic and others want to “regulate themselves, then they should do that.”
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they → add → that
What was that about watching the watchmen?
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that → watch → watchmen
Thomas Massie had just filed articles of impeachment against Pete Hegseth for a complete mishandling of the Iran war, but Blanche had some reassuring words about that, too:
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Blanche → file → that
“Secretary Hegseth is doing a phenomenal job,” and by the way, “he doesn’t just go off and do things.
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he → do → things
He follows the law.”
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He → follow → law
And anyway, the Iran war isn’t a war, which means you can’t have a problem with it, he added: “You call it a war.
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You → mean → it
I disagree with that characterization.”
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I → disagree → characterization
That was an echo of what JD Vance said last week, when he also said he wouldn’t call it a war, which makes all that talk of “sending war fighters” over there very confusing indeed, but perhaps that’s just semantics.
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that → say → fighters
Or perhaps, when a war has gone on long enough, it just stops being a war and starts to be background noise, and the service members putting their lives on the line are just imagining their lives to be in peril, and the skyrocketing oil and grocery prices are all in everybody else’s heads.
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prices → go → heads
Think positively and gas will go down to $2 a gallon!
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gas → think → 2
Pressed about whether he’d have advised Trump to publicly insult Supreme Court justices when he was his client, Blanche said, “You can’t talk about my background and then ask me what I would've done…
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I → press → what
The real question is whether the president of the United States is allowed to be critical of another branch of government.”
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president → allow → government
And Blanche seemed to know it, since he immediately wrapped up the question then turned back to the press and said, again: “Are you guys sweating yet?
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guys → seem → press
I love that.”
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I → love → that
“Are you?” asked a reporter.
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reporter → ask → ?
“No,” Blanche shot back immediately.
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Blanche → shoot → ?
“I’m very comfortable.”
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I → ’m → ?
You can’t script these kinds of moments, truly taken from the original catalogue of absurdism.
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You → script → absurdism
Back to the ruling on mail-in ballots and whether Trump’s reaction should concern ordinary Americans, and Blanche responded simply that “I’m not sure that the American people follow this as closely as the people in this Rose Garden do” and, “Listen, ballots are confusing in every election.”
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ballots → mail → election
Asked about an FBI raid around alleged 2020 election fraud, Blanche simply talked circles about whether it could be defined as a “raid” or not.
uncertain
it → ask → raid
Asked about the Russian businessman who paid for Donald Trump Jr.’s wedding festivities, he went even more lawyerly: “The president doesn't know who this person is…
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person → ask → festivities
The president’s son says he’s a very close friend,” he said.
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he → say → ?
…and 16 more, not listed.
The Aporia
