Andy Burnham hasn’t even been Prime Minister for 100 days and already they’re advising us to stockpile bottled water and toilet paper.
asserted
they → advise → water
It’s all part of the UK Government’s Be Ready campaign, which wants us to prepare for a national disaster.
asserted
us → ’ → disaster
Among the recommendations from Whitehall are that we buy bottled water, canned goods and toilet paper.
asserted
we → buy → water
Time was when that would get you on an MI5 list but, instead of mocking preppers for their paranoia and panic- buying, ministers seemingly want us to follow their example.
asserted
us → get → example
The idea behind it is that Britain faces a panoply of risks, from natural disasters to foreign attack, and it’s better to be ready in advance rather than scramble to respond after Armageddon strikes.
asserted
Armageddon → face → advance
I’ll admit, given the stormy conditions in Scotland this weekend, I briefly considered whether my own emergency supplies – a box of LED Halloween jack-o’-lantern candles and three tins of Cock-a-leekie – would be sufficient.
asserted
supplies → admit → leekie
Should I brave the flooded streets and flying wheelie bins for a spot of shelf-clearing?
asserted
I → brave → clearing
What do you even buy for the end of the world?
asserted
you → buy → world
My instinct would be to push out the boat on mineral water and food tins.
asserted
instinct → push → water
If I’m going to be incinerated by an Iranian nuke, I want to go out surrounded by crates of Vichy Catalan and cans of beluga caviar, not a flask of tap water and Aldi’s own-brand sardines.
asserted
I → go → water
Defence Secretary Wes Streeting is the face of the Government's Be Ready campaign
No one objects to the Government promoting preparedness.
asserted
Government → object → preparedness
The problem is the way ministers have gone about it.
asserted
ministers → go → it
By making Defence Secretary Wes Streeting the face of the campaign, it can only heighten public alarm.
asserted
it → make → alarm
We know from the pandemic that over-reaction can be just as dangerous as under-preparedness, and causing panic, particularly among elderly and vulnerable people, is ill-considered and counterproductive.
asserted
causing → know → people
These groups have enough anxieties without the Government suggesting they get down the shops pronto before all the loo roll is snatched up.
asserted
roll → have → shops
Streeting proffered a cyber attack as one possible crisis, asking: ‘How would we cope if the payment systems at the local supermarket went down?’
By tutting passive-aggressively, I’d imagine, and loudly reassuring other shoppers that our card wasn’t being declined for lack of funds.
asserted
card → proffer → funds
‘Those are the sorts of everyday challenges and threats that we could well face,’ Streeting added.
uncertain
Streeting → face → that
‘And it’s right that we ask the country to be ready for those things and to ask everyone to do their bit.
asserted
we → ’ → bit
This is another reason why it was a mistake to put Streeting front and centre.
asserted
it → put → Streeting
This is a government which refuses to say when it will meet the target for spending 3 per cent of GDP on defence, despite issuing dire warnings about the sundry threats Britain faces.
asserted
Britain → refuse → threats
If the Government wants to do its bit, it can start by reversing its £2billion cut to the armoured vehicle procurement budget and its decision not to move ahead with the purchase of specialised recovery vehicles for rescuing Boxers that break down or come under fire.
asserted
that → want → fire
While we’re at it, it’s fairly galling to be lectured on threat readiness when the Government is constantly caught off-guard by illegal boat crossings.
asserted
Government → ’re → crossings
So much of what goes on in politics makes sense only when you realise that the political class considers the average voter dumber than a bollard.
asserted
voter → go → bollard
The notion that most members of the public are intelligent, capable people with enough common sense and life experience to manage in a crisis is simply beyond many MPs and civil servants.
asserted
members → manage → MPs
The Be Ready campaign hits that sweet spot between awareness-raising and nannying where Labour ministers feel most at ease.
asserted
ministers → hit → ease
Some politicians and officials enjoyed Covid and the power it brought them.
asserted
it → enjoy → them
They desperately want another national emergency that puts them in control again.
asserted
that → want → control
Were a cyber attack or wildfires or hurricanes to befall Britain tomorrow, we would muddle through.
asserted
we → befall → Britain
Most families have the basics they need to survive several days stuck indoors and would gladly share food, water and candles with elderly neighbours.
asserted
they → have → neighbours
We don’t need to be told to do this by government.
asserted
We → need → government
What is most likely to frighten people out of their senses and get them acting rashly is a government campaign like Be Ready.
asserted
them → frighten → senses
When those in authority, whom we expect to be calm and level-headed, begin speaking like the apocalypse is upon us, otherwise rational people are bound to over-react.
asserted
people → expect → us
I wouldn’t advise it, as it happens.
asserted
it → advise → it
We’ve all seen those disaster movies.
asserted
We → see → movies
The doomsayer who has spent months hoarding food and battening every last hatch always makes some fatal oversight and gets carried off in the tornado or tsunami, or munched on by the zombies, while the leading man, too busy arguing with his ex-wife to notice the signs of impending disaster, saves the day with quick wits and a spot of heroism.
asserted
man → spend → heroism
In real life, your best chance of surviving is by keeping the head and letting the emergency services do their jobs.
asserted
services → survive → jobs
There are real threats out there and sensible preparations should be made, but beyond that the average person should go about their life as normal.
asserted
person → be → life
It’s when people panic that things go wrong, but who wouldn’t panic when the Defence Secretary is talking about supermarkets being crippled and families drawing up escape plans?
asserted
families → ’ → plans
Among the recommendations from Whitehall are that we buy bottled water, canned goods and toilet paper
Naturally, the Scottish Government has its own version of Be Ready, because of course it does, though its branding is different from the English programme, because of course it is.
asserted
it → buy → course
When you’re being winched from your roof amid flash-flooding, I suppose you want the reassurance of knowing the helicopter pilot is trained to rescue you in both English and Scots.
asserted
pilot → winch → English
…and 11 more, not listed.
The Aporia
