When it’s an obstacle to a par-3.
asserted
it → ’ → par-3
If a tree falls in the middle of a golf course, does it make a sound?
asserted
it → fall → sound
I wasn’t there, but I have to assume, based on my limited knowledge of the laws of physics.
asserted
I → have → physics
What I do know is that Donald Trump’s crusade to clear more than 400 trees for the purposes of redeveloping East Potomac Golf Links into a championship-level course isn’t happening.
asserted
crusade → know → course
The US district judge Ana Reyes shut down the project this week, though the administration claimed it had already cleared 430 of the planned 529 trees.
asserted
it → shut → trees
This was after a May order from Reyes to require the White House to request approval for cutting down more than 10 trees.
uncertain
This → require → trees
Reyes ordered a full stop to the tree clearing until 26 October, and threatened contempt of court if the administration doesn’t abide.
asserted
administration → order → court
As is always the case with this president, he is attempting to assert some manner of control over a public asset.
asserted
he → attempt → asset
In this case, said asset is a golf course, which means he’s really invested.
asserted
he → say → case
You might not be able to get him to stop staring at Jon Husted’s ass to sort out inflation, gas prices or the conflict in Iran, but you better believe he can put aside the senator from Ohio’s manly posterior long enough to sort out dramatic changes to a public golf course.
uncertain
he → get → course
By seizing control of East Potomac Golf Links without any oversight or approval, the administration is essentially seizing that asset from the American people.
asserted
administration → seize → people
By turning East Potomac into a championship-level course with an 18-hole layout, strategic hazards and expensive maintenance, Trump is inching the course away from being a public good and toward a private enclave for the elites.
asserted
Trump → turn → elites
Yes, I’m talking about golf here.
asserted
I → talk → golf
I understand the irony of trying to separate this sport from elitism.
asserted
I → understand → elitism
This isn’t exactly soccer, which you could play in a backyard, the street or inside your parents’ house until you knock a ball through the flatscreen TV.
uncertain
you → play → TV
It has two nine-hole courses, an 18-hole course and a miniature golf area.
asserted
It → have → courses
The mini golf area has, as you’d hope, hazards shaped like national landmarks.
asserted
you → have → landmarks
Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like there’s a way to putt a golf ball into Teddy Roosevelt’s mouth.
asserted
it → seem → mouth
This is yet another instance of the priorities of one person taking precedent over the needs of literally anyone else.
asserted
priorities → take → anyone
Trump clearly wants to play on a fancy, private golf course in DC.
asserted
Trump → want → DC
All three DC golf courses are publicly owned and operated by the National Park Service (though the park service has a partnership with the non-profit National Links Trust to renovate and operate the courses, which Trump tried to terminate in December of 2025).
asserted
Trump → own → 2025
East Potomac, being the largest, has the most opportunity to be the shrine to our commander-in-chief’s favorite leisure obsession.
asserted
Potomac → have → obsession
I can’t stop myself from picturing what the new East Potomac Golf Links would look like under Trump’s control.
asserted
Links → stop → control
The first thing is, it would surely become Trump-East Potomac Golf Links, since a facility without his name on it is a facility wasted.
asserted
facility → become → it
Would the mini golf course survive?
asserted
course → survive → ?
Doubtful, as mini golf is strictly for poor people, and the PGA and the United States Golf Association would be too busy laughing at the windmill hazards to schedule the US Open there.
asserted
PGA → laugh → Open
But if it stayed, I’d guess there’d be at least a few changes to the layout of the course.
asserted
I → stay → course
Perhaps you’d have to knock your ball past recreations of Trump Tower, a gold-plated toilet and the outstretched fist of the president himself.
asserted
you → have → president
As much as I care about the beautiful old trees being torn out for no reason, I’m equally flabbergasted by what’s at the core of this project – the lust to turn Washington DC into Graceland, or a worse, Donald Trump-themed version of that.
asserted
what → care → that
Graceland is the final home of Elvis Presley, and has become a popular tourist attraction since his passing.
asserted
Graceland → become → passing
It’s a shrine to all things Elvis, full of merchandise and memorabilia.
asserted
It → ’ → merchandise
The area of Memphis around the home is designed to facilitate tourism and commerce.
asserted
area → design → tourism
I love commerce as much as the next red-blooded American, and DC has long been dependent on tourism to prop up its economy.
asserted
DC → love → economy
Without oversight or lawful procedure, DC will become Graceland – a place for fans of a famous person to get their picture taken with his old shoes.
asserted
picture → become → shoes
As Trump’s tenure at the center of American life comes to an end in the next two years, he’s only going to accelerate his attempts to turn the nation’s capital into an extension of his own, very lucrative brand ventures.
asserted
he → come → ventures
There are already numerous golf courses with Trump’s name on them, so the novelty isn’t even that potent.
asserted
novelty → be → them
It’s that this course is ours, and by that, I mean it belongs to the taxpayers of this country.
asserted
it → ’ → country
Taking it and its history and molding it to his will is the fun of it for Donald Trump.
asserted
Taking → take → Trump
That it isn’t his, but it can be, makes it a conquest worthy of his time.
asserted
it → make → time
Like the Kennedy Center, he can put his name on it, he can try to change it, but it will never truly be his.
-
Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist
asserted
Schilling → put → it
The Aporia
