He was academically talented and motivated, with a mix of A's and A-minuses in accelerated classes.
asserted
He → motivate → classes
He did Math Olympiad.
asserted
He → do → Olympiad
He even played the French horn in the school band, though he admitted that was mostly for his college application and to get out of an art history requirement that had a reputation for being pretty onerous.
asserted
that → play → reputation
He started preparing for the ACT in April of his sophomore year, hoping to get it over with the following fall.
asserted
He → start → fall
His tutor charged $800 an hour, with a minimum of two-hour sessions, twice a week.
asserted
tutor → charge → sessions
Within weeks, he was in my office complaining that there was no way he was going to do well.
asserted
he → complain → office
He couldn't get the pacing right and never finished all the questions in the allowed time.
asserted
pacing → get → time
Mind you, he was consistently getting 34s on his practice tests.
asserted
he → mind → tests
But Zach wanted to go to the University of Pennsylvania, and he said that a 34 still wasn't good enough.
asserted
34 → want → Pennsylvania
Zach was already in the top percentile of test takers nationally, and he still felt like a failure.
asserted
he → feel → failure
I offer psychotherapy and cognitive remediation to children with learning disorders and related developmental disorders.
asserted
I → offer → disorders
Zach came to see me because he wanted me to write him a letter saying he needed testing accommodations.
asserted
he → come → accommodations
Maybe with time-and-a-half he’d get the perfect score he really needed.
asserted
he → get → score
When nothing is enough, when excellence is the minimum acceptable, we fall short.
asserted
we → fall → ?
And when we fall short, we reach for labels and accommodations and services to close the gap.
asserted
we → fall → gap
Of course, sometimes children have real disorders and disabilities, and labels and supports are crucial.
asserted
labels → have → disorders
But in other cases, the struggles are healthy, normal parts of development, and medicalizing them backfires.
asserted
medicalizing → medicalize → them
The supposed quick fixes may seem helpful in the moment, but more often than not
uncertain
fixes → suppose → moment
, they make kids even more miserable.
asserted
kids → make → ?
How we learn to live by the numbers
Zach isn't alone in his anxiety about scores and percentiles.
asserted
Zach → learn → scores
We're all socialized to care about measurements, and we think about how our data compare to everyone else's.
asserted
data → socialize → everyone
From day one, pediatricians measure our kids' height, weight, and even head circumference, and tell us where those numbers fall relative to same-age peers.
asserted
numbers → measure → peers
I remember my son's first checkup.
asserted
I → remember → checkup
I was so excited to hear that my chunky little guy was in the 95th percentile for both height and weight.
asserted
guy → hear → height
When nothing is enough, when excellence is the minimum acceptable, we fall short.
asserted
we → fall → ?
And when we fall short, we reach for labels and accommodations and services to close the gap.
asserted
we → fall → gap
It’s only a matter of time before our obsession with toddler head circumference turns into an obsession with teenage ACT scores.
asserted
obsession → ’ → scores
We get emotionally attached to these numbers.
asserted
We → get → numbers
We give them more importance than they deserve, and we read them more negatively than we should.
asserted
we → give → them
I talk to parents all the time who are worried about a score in the 37th percentile.
asserted
who → talk → percentile
More isn't better
What I usually explain to parents is that in most domains, more isn't better.
asserted
more → explain → domains
The average range is wide, and it's the middle that’s often optimal.
asserted
that → ’ → ?
With too little, we have trouble in school.
asserted
we → have → school
With too much, we become hypervigilant about tiny, insignificant details and lose the forest for the trees.
asserted
we → become → trees
Anxiety works the same way.
asserted
Anxiety → work → ?
Too much and you can't leave the house; too little and you're reckless, walking into oncoming traffic.
asserted
you → leave → traffic
We want to land somewhere near the healthy middle.
asserted
We → want → middle
We try hard to measure and quantify our traits and abilities, but those measurements are snapshots in time.
asserted
measurements → try → time
How we do in a given domain today isn’t necessarily a good predictor of how we'll do tomorrow, since we’re constantly learning, developing, and growing.
asserted
we → give → domain
And, finally, the best predictors of success are things like perseverance, creativity, and people skills, which usually can't be measured at all.
asserted
which → measure → perseverance
…and 41 more, not listed.
The Aporia
