From the street, Baucau's Hotel Flamboyan appears elegant and historic, its aging façade a reminder of Timor-Leste's Portuguese colonial past.
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façade → appear → past
But for Maria de Fátima the building holds very different memories.
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building → hold → memories
Warning: This story contains references to sexual abuse and degradation.
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story → contain → abuse
During Indonesia's occupation of Timor-Leste, the hotel in the country's second-largest city was used by the military and became notorious as a place of detention, torture and sexual violence.
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hotel → use → detention
Ms de Fátima says she was first arrested in 1975 after her brother was suspected of supporting Fretilin, the movement that led the country's resistance to Indonesian rule.
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that → say → rule
Indonesian forces targeted Fretilin's supporters and their families.
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forces → target → supporters
While some took up arms in the jungle, women often suffered in order to protect male members of their families who joined the liberation movement.
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who → take → movement
"They arrested me and took me to this house," Ms de Fátima said, standing inside the hotel compound.
"They beat me, held me under water, beat me again, and then threw me to the ground."
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They → arrest → ground
Ms de Fátima says she was among dozens of women arrested and taken to the Hotel Flamboyan.
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she → say → Flamboyan
That night in 1975, she says she and another woman were later forced into a bathroom at gunpoint.
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she → say → gunpoint
Their clothes were torn from their bodies before they were raped by a group of Indonesian soldiers.
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they → tear → soldiers
"Their faces were covered …
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faces → cover → ?
I heard their voices, but I did not see their faces; that night was dark,"she said.
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night → hear → faces
She says Indonesian soldiers continued to abuse her periodically for more than 20 years as a way to pressure her into giving up her brother's whereabouts.
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soldiers → say → whereabouts
She never did.
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She → do → ?
But repeated arrests and abuse left her with multiple pregnancies, which resulted in four children.
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which → leave → children
The abuse only ended with the Indonesian withdrawal in 1999, but the trauma and uncertainty remain.
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trauma → end → 1999
Now a book has been launched documenting the stories of women who endured violence during the occupation.
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who → launch → occupation
The book includes testimonies from survivors, like Ms de Fátima, who have spent decades struggling to speak openly about what happened.
"I don't know the fathers of my four children," she said.
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she → include → children
Hidden truth
Ms de Fátima's youngest daughter, Fernanda, was born in 1997, near the end of the occupation.
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daughter → bear → occupation
Ms de Fátima said she was too afraid and ashamed to explain the circumstances of her children's births.
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she → say → births
When people asked about their father, she told them he had died.
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he → ask → them
"What were we supposed to do?"
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we → suppose → What
"I remained silent.
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I → remain → ?
I just accepted it," she said.
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she → accept → it
Fernanda nevertheless heard rumours from neighbours that her father had been Indonesian.
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father → hear → neighbours
When she questioned her mother, Ms de Fátima became angry and repeated that her father was dead.
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father → question → mother
The absence of a recognised father affected Fernanda throughout her childhood.
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absence → recognise → childhood
She said other students excluded her at school and told her she was different.
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she → say → her
"I was always discriminated against … classmates often said, 'Don't play with her.
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classmates → discriminate → her
She doesn't have a father,'" she said.
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she → have → father
Even her baptism became complicated.
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baptism → become → ?
Fernanda said a priest refused to record her father as unknown, so Ms de Fátima invented a name commonly used in Java: Warto.
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Fátima → say → Java
But the truth was finally revealed years later when Ms de Fátima was interviewed for a film about the women detained at Hotel Flamboyan.
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Fátima → reveal → Flamboyan
"They brought the footage back and showed it to me," Fernanda said.
"
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Fernanda → bring → me
I was shocked.
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I → shock → ?
I learned that I was the child of an Indonesian soldier."
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I → learn → soldier
Fernanda says she continues to wrestle with conflicting feelings towards the man whose identity she will probably never know.
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she → say → identity
"This thought always crosses my mind," she said.
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she → cross → mind
"I hate him, but he is still my father.
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he → hate → him
…and 27 more, not listed.
The Aporia