Petite but fierce, styled in a devil-red pants suit, and flashing that soul-piercing glare that makes civil servants cower, the Miranda Priestly of Scottish nationalism strode to the podium.
asserted
Priestly → style → podium
Jenny Gilruth, the deputy first minister with the demeanour of a deputy headmistress, was here to tell delegates to the SNP’s Aberdeen conference: ‘We’ve got a lot to be positive about.’
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We → tell → lot
Few would have dared to be less than enthusiastic in her presence.
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Few → dare → presence
Delegates cheered talk of ‘the inevitability of independence’, something SNP politicians have been assuring the party faithful of for at least the last sixty years.
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politicians → cheer → years
She told them: ‘It’s the SNP setting the agenda.’
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It → tell → agenda
Going by the headlines about falling PISA scores, further ferry delays, and taxpayer-funded personal artists, we can see that.
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we → go → that
With a nod to John Swinney, the man who introduced her, it was, she noted, ‘a particular honour to have been asked to serve as deputy to this first minister’.
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she → introduce → minister
Swinney was, she said, ‘a leader we can all be proud to stand behind’.
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we → say → ?
I understand Stephen Flynn stands very close behind him, thoughtfully sporting a dagger in case the First Minister should pass a production of Macbeth and wish to audition.
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Minister → understand → Macbeth
Gilruth praised the man who ‘answered our call to serve when we needed him most’.
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we → praise → him
He’s not Batman.
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He → ’ → ?
He didn’t come to the aid of Gotham; he came to do a PR operation after The Joker spent Gotham’s budget on espresso machines and an overpriced campervan.
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Joker → come → machines
For all the phony acclaim she heaped upon him, Swinney would do well to fear Gilruth as much as he does Flynn.
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he → heap → Flynn
She looked at home behind the podium and her remarks were warmly welcomed by delegates, or at least those who didn’t want to be on the receiving end of one of her emails.
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who → look → emails
But Sturgeonisation changed the SNP sufficiently that a segment of the party rates professional progressives and prefers their caution and control to the messy but heartfelt nationalism of earlier, more maverick figures.
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segment → change → figures
Gilruth had been put on Brit-bashing duty, and planted her sensible heels time and again into the Union and the Prime Minister.
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Gilruth → put → Union
‘There is no dividend; there is only decline,’ she said of the former, and of the latter, she quipped: ‘Andy Burnham is already acting like the first prime minister of England.’
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Burnham → be → England
We can only hope for England’s sake that he gets better at it.
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he → hope → it
Jenny Gilruth greets the SNP conference in Aberdeen
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Gilruth → greet → Aberdeen
After reminding conference of the Prime Minister’s concession, swiftly withdrawn, that Scotland should have another referendum when a majority wanted one, Gilruth goaded him: ‘Have the courage of your convictions, let’s have that referendum, and let’s see who’s right.’
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who → remind → referendum
Taunting the PM for locating Number 10 North in the southern half of the UK, Gilruth observed that while Burnham was currently visiting Scotland, he hadn’t got as far north as Aberdeen.
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he → taunt → Aberdeen
‘Wait till he finds out about Shetland.’
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he → wait → Shetland
She leaned into the pugilistic stuff a little too much.
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She → lean → stuff
With her sing-song sarcasm and that intense grin that curls up from her lips at sudden, random intervals, there is something of the Disney villain about Gilruth.
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that → curl → Gilruth
It’s hard to pin down exactly but I suspect Dalmatians flee in her presence.
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Dalmatians → ’ → presence
More suited to her abilities were subtler digs at the party’s opponents. ‘We welcome Labour leaders to SNP conference,’ she smirked, ‘as my wife can attest to.’
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wife → suit → conference
In a lengthy section on the grim state of Scotland under the Union, she promised: ‘The SNP will always stand against the far right.’
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SNP → promise → right
Past SNP leaders have stood at somewhat different angles.
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leaders → stand → angles
She rhymed off stunted economic growth, the cost-of-living crisis, and families relying on food banks.
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She → rhyme → banks
Boy, this Union lot that run Scotland’s devolved government have a lot to answer for.
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that → run → lot
‘The people of Scotland deserve better,’ Gilruth declared.
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Gilruth → deserve → better
At this point, I’m not sure they do.
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they → ’m → point
The Aporia
