Well, now I’ve heard everything.
asserted
I → hear → everything
Thank goodness I was standing right next to my fainting couch!
asserted
I → thank → couch
You know the drill: Psychotically horny dudes convince buxom camp counselors to show the goods, only for Jason to jab a machete through their chests or zip them up in sleeping backs and bash them to death against a tree trunk of whatever.
asserted
Jason → know → whatever
The basic take on this is that it was appropriate entertainment for the era of Reagan and AIDS, a period of conservative ascendency during which sex was often literally death, and treated by the ruling right wing as divine punishment for sins of the flesh.
asserted
sex → treat → flesh
This episode of Crystal Lake sort of flip things on its head: What it wasn’t witnessing the act of fucking that made Pamela Voorhees want to kill — what if it was the act of killing that made Pamela Voorhees want to fuck?
asserted
Voorhees → flip → killing
That’s precisely what she does after she leaves Valerie’s crispy corpse in the burned-up restaurant: She drives right to Lee’s house and jumps his bones, right in front of his wedding photo and everything.
asserted
She → ’ → photo
“You’re one of the most passionate women I’ve ever met,” he tells her the next morning, “even before last night.”
asserted
he → ’re → night
It’s true: Pamela Voorhees does not hide her emotions well.
asserted
Voorhees → ’ → emotions
The bulk of this episode’s actions concerns the series’ more cartoonish characters, which I’m starting to feel is unfortunate if you’re not planning on killing them in a big hurry.
asserted
you → concern → hurry
There’s only so much of Deputy Dorfman’s would-be playboy antics, or in a new addition to the series, the crew of Hair-style hippie caricatures who show up at Camp Crystal Lake looking for work, that a viewer can take between murders.
asserted
viewer → ’ → murders
Yes, they’re true to the spirit of the original series, with its own central-casting dope-smoking longhairs, and their ridiculously broad dialogue is clearly intended to be that way.
asserted
dialogue → ’re → longhairs
But since they’re also being used by camp owner John Christy (Brian J. Carter) to make the point that just because they’re different it doesn’t mean they’re bad — they’re trying to shine a little light in a dark world, that’s all — it would be nice if they were a bit more realistically drawn.
asserted
they → use → world
Even so, they present the viewer with an interesting question: How the hell could Pamela Voorhees possibly turn on people this harmless?
uncertain
Voorhees → present → people
Though she’s initially skeptical, she’s impressed by how kind they are to poor Grace, who doesn’t really know how to feel after her mother’s, ahem, untimely passing.
asserted
who → ’ → passing
They bring a smile to her face, and that makes Pam happy as well.
asserted
Pam → bring → face
Moreover, the male members of the group flirt with her relentlessly but respectfully, and the slightly loosened up Pam can’t help but respond favorably to that, too.
asserted
Pam → flirt → that
The friendship of the hippies even seem to give Grace the gumption to tell the newly religious and chaste Claudette where to stick her apologies.
asserted
friendship → seem → apologies
Pam, however, is not counting on one of the hippies to have legitimate psychic powers.
asserted
one → count → powers
(Again, this is perfectly in keeping with the original series, which dabbles in that sort of thing now and then.)
asserted
which → dabble → thing
Harmony (Manon Gage), the hippie who takes the biggest shine to Grace, channels the spirit of her mother during a séance; she knows things only the mother would know and talks to “Gracie” in a way only her mother would.
asserted
mother → take → way
Then she notices Pam among the gathering and flips out.
asserted
she → notice → gathering
“She’s not yours, get it?” Valerie/Harmony growls.
asserted
Harmony → ’ → ?
“Wait till she finds out what you did!”
asserted
you → wait → what
Shouting obscenities, she tries to strangle Pam before snapping out of it.
asserted
she → shout → it
Now Grace has been turned against Pam, whom she fears…and these hippies have made the Voorhees family hit list, I expect.
asserted
I → turn → list
One member of the group has already met her demise.
asserted
member → meet → demise
Willow (Oona Roche) shows up in town separate from the rest as a hitchhiker.
asserted
Willow → show → hitchhiker
Wandering in the woods, she gets spooked by the lurking Jason and steps right into one of Crazy Ralph’s bear traps.
asserted
she → wander → traps
Jason approaches her, she screams, and the scene cuts to black.
asserted
scene → approach → black
Later, we see Jason holding the bloody, empty bear trap.
asserted
Jason → see → trap
At the end of the episode, Dorfman, desperate to impress Rita and show up the Chief, discovers her body trussed up, skinned, and dressed like a deer in Ralph’s meat shack, where he’s conducting an unauthorized and drunken investigation in the rain in the middle of the night.
asserted
he → impress → night
Did Jason free her or kill her?
asserted
Jason → free → her
If Jason — the “demon” seen by Enos after he got shot, an event he’s lucky he survived — didn’t kill her, who did?
asserted
who → see → her
It doesn’t seem like something Ralph would have done, which is the whole reason Lee refuses to arrest him for killing the two John Does they’ve now found partially eaten by that bear.
asserted
they → seem → bear
One of those corpses has a huge blade wound in his skull.
asserted
One → have → skull
When Pamela overhears this, she grabs the machete in question and tosses it into Crystal Lake, where I’m totallly sure it will remain at the bottom undisturbed forever.
asserted
it → overhear → bottom
Meanwhile, Lee and his sister Briana continue their joint investigation into the John Does.
asserted
Lee → continue → Does
Briana determines that their bogus company is affiliated with the massive conglomerate Bellflower in some sub rosa way.
asserted
company → determine → way
Lee learns from an old cop buddy back in Newark that the one who rented their car is a dishonorably discharged special ops guy who’s taken his unsavory talents to the private sector — though there are lingering hard feelings between the Newark cops and Lee, who, as a Black cop, took the fall for their misconduct during the blue riots that tore the city apart.
asserted
that → learn → city
Crystal Lake’s problems remain consistent: Pamela, Lee, and Grace’s material remains much stronger than everyone else’s, and man do I wish the nighttime cinematography made real use of darkness and light.
asserted
cinematography → remain → darkness
…and 5 more, not listed.
The Aporia
