A few minutes later than scheduled, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex pull up in a Range Rover on the first stop of their quasi-official, royal-not-royal, 'yoo hoo we're over here', legacy-not-privacy tour of Nottingham, a blameless city that has done little to deserve this febrile attention.
asserted
that → schedule → attention
We are here outside the Community Recording Studio, a youth charity Harry has supported since 2013, and which is dedicated to helping disadvantaged youngsters from the area develop confidence and life skills.
asserted
youngsters → support → confidence
Yet the Sussexes step onto the pavement and wave as if they were greeting the honeyed crowds at the Hollywood Bowl instead of this desultory turnout on an industrial estate on an overcast Thursday morning here in the East Midlands.
asserted
they → step → Midlands
What on earth is going on? Who is kidding who?
asserted
Who → go → who
There is a crowd of about 200 in the street outside the centre, but unfortunately for Harry and Meghan, at least 70 per cent of them are the hated media and, even worse, one of them is me.
asserted
one → be → them
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex pulled up in a Range Rover on the first stop of their quasi-official, royal-not-royal, 'yoo hoo we're over here', legacy-not-privacy tour of Nottingham
There is a crowd of about 200 in the street outside the centre, but unfortunately for Harry and Meghan, at least 70 per cent of them are the hated media and, even worse, one of them is me, writes JAN MOIR
'You are that witch from the Daily Mail,' says an angry woman, waving a bunch of supermarket flowers she has brought along to give to Meghan.
asserted
she → pull → Meghan
Now hang on a minute, I say.
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I → hang → ?
Another woman carrying a unicorn balloon and a huge bouquet of tissue-wrapped lilies also declines to talk.
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woman → carry → lilies
'I am just here to support the charity and give these flowers to Meghan.
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I → support → Meghan
I don't want any publicity,' she says.
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she → want → publicity
Fair enough, although I do wonder if this is the official bouquet, and if buying expensive flowers for a multi-mansioned millionairess wearing Jennifer Chamandi shoes, a pencil skirt from The Fold, a jumper and coat from Joseph and a diamond-encrusted Oura fitness tracker ring – as darling Meghan is today – is the best use of anyone's funds, official or not.
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Meghan → wonder → funds
And I don't even laugh when a gust of wind blows the legs off her unicorn.
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gust → laugh → unicorn
For I am not here to fight with the Nottingham chapter of the Sussex Squad.
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I → fight → Squad
I am here to reminisce, to share – and to wonder where it all went so horribly wrong.
asserted
it → reminisce → ?
For on a cold December day nearly nine years ago, I stood on the High Pavement in the historic Lace Market of this city to see Prince Harry and his new fiancée Meghan Markle make their first official public appearance together.
asserted
Harry → stand → appearance
The couple visited the Himmah Hub, a Nottingham charity tackling poverty, food insecurity, racism and social exclusion and took part in a cooking demo
Thousands of people lined the streets as Nottingham came to a standstill.
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Nottingham → visit → standstill
I even shook Prince Harry's hand as the couple made their way down the street on a 25-minute walkabout that echoed with laughter and good cheer.
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that → shake → laughter
Meghan was a natural, showing off her engagement ring, poised and confident, glowing like any bride to be who had found her Prince Charming at last.
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who → show → Charming
Here is what I wrote about her back then: 'The newest member of the Royal Family took everything in her stride.
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member → write → stride
'Charming all who had queued in the cold to say hello and wish her well, she could engage, talk about the weather, admire babies and even smile when people told her repeatedly that 'Diana would have loved you'.'
I went on to describe this 'dazzling and confident debut' from 'a remarkable young woman… who was not born to be a princess but moves with ease in her brave new world'.
uncertain
who → charm → world
It was indeed a new dawn –newspapers were calling her appearance on the scene 'the Markle Sparkle', unaware that the bubble would burst sooner rather than later.
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bubble → call → scene
Little did anyone know on that hopeful morning that we were witnessing not just history in the making but the beginning of a royal fairytale that was to curdle quicker than a £5 As Ever chocolate left to rot in the Californian sun.
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that → know → sun
Harry licks icing from his hand as he and Meghan decorate birthday cupcakes at Epic Partners
Not only that, but it was also the start of a calamitous period that would rock the monarchy, tarnish an entire country and cast a shadow over the last years of those doughty royal stalwarts, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip.
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that → lick → stalwarts
And that was a fate they did not deserve.
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they → deserve → ?
With their public accusations of racism, bullying, lack of support, general peeve and never being asked if they were OK, Harry and Meghan changed everything – but ultimately what they changed most of all was the way the British public felt about them.
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public → ask → them
In 2017, the people of Nottingham came out to see them in their thousands.
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people → come → thousands
The Sussexes couldn't have cleared the streets here more efficiently if they had turned a water cannon on the crowds – and perhaps, in a way, that is exactly what they did.
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they → clear → what
At first sight of the royal couple, a few women in the throng at the Community Recording Studio start ululating.
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women → start → Studio
Then one lone voice shrieks: 'We love you Meghan!'
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We → shriek → you
What can I say?
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I → say → What
Some curious onlookers in trackies shuffle forward like extras in a zombie movie.
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onlookers → shuffle → movie
A group of schoolchildren in red fleeces are corralled in front to greet the royal visitors.
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group → corral → visitors
'Are you Californian?' one of them asks Meghan.
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one → ask → Meghan
Have you ever been to California?' she replies.
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she → reply → California
The Duchess means well, of course, but what kind of question is that to ask a little girl in scuffed trainers in a low-income area of one of the most deprived cities in the UK?
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that → mean → UK
Meghan gives her a big duchessy smile and moves on down the line, chic in her luxe plum separates.
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Meghan → give → separates
Harry is in front of her, his waxen head bent low to talk to the children.
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head → bend → children
'What class are you missing?
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you → miss → class
Gimme some,' he says, holding up his palm for a little boy to slap.
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boy → gimme → palm
When the children tell him they will be off on half term soon, he delivers a lecture.
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he → tell → lecture
…and 25 more, not listed.
The Aporia
