As I rotated my hips through the swing, I realized two things at once: Yoga had not kept me nearly as flexible as I thought, and the 60-something men warming up beside me were considerably more limber than I was.
asserted
I → rotate → me
Despite the drizzle on this unseasonably cool August day, my monkey mind had gone quiet.
asserted
mind → go → day
All I could think about was connecting my club with that tiny white ball.
uncertain
I → think → ball
When I started collecting hobbies in my 30s, in a mild panic about aging, golfing never crossed my mind.
asserted
golfing → start → mind
Running, Pilates, tennis and pickleball all made it onto my calendar.
asserted
Running → make → calendar
But golf registered less like an activity and more like a cultural signifier: of wealth, of masculinity, of retirement.
asserted
golf → register → retirement
I didn’t see myself reflected in any of it.
asserted
myself → see → it
Golf didn’t seem particularly athletic either.
asserted
Golf → seem → ?
If I was going to be active, I wanted to feel the proverbial burn, to be out of breath, to wake up sore the next morning.
asserted
I → go → breath
Golf looked slow and sedentary by comparison, more cart ride than workout.
asserted
Golf → look → workout
The only golfers in my life were my grandparents, which did little to challenge my impressions.
asserted
which → do → impressions
They had been retired since I was a toddler, and golf was one of the great constants in their lives.
asserted
golf → retire → lives
Every Sunday, they would head off to the course together.
asserted
they → head → course
They played until my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer.
asserted
grandfather → play → cancer
And then he watched it instead, Rory McIlroy and Tiger Woods blaring from the family-room TV whenever I visited.
asserted
I → watch → TV
One of my grandfather’s last gifts to me and my brother was more than 100 golf balls he had lovingly saved — a not-so-subtle hint that we take up his favourite pastime.
asserted
we → save → pastime
When my grandfather died a year ago, I didn’t know what to do with the grief.
asserted
I → die → grief
I looked through old photos and reached for anything that made him feel a little less far away.
asserted
him → look → anything
He understood me better than anyone else in my family, so losing him was especially disorienting.
asserted
losing → understand → him
approached, I received an invitation to stay at Cabot Cape Breton in Inverness, N.S., home to two courses on the World’s 100 Greatest Courses list, as ranked by Golf Digest.
asserted
I → approach → Digest
I arrived to report on the food, not the game: The resort was hosting a three-night dinner series featuring chefs from Michelin-starred restaurants.
asserted
resort → arrive → restaurants
But with some downtime in my itinerary, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to learn how to play in a place where my dining companions spoke reverently about the par-3 16th at Cabot Cliffs, the signature hole perched dramatically above the Gulf of St. Lawrence.
asserted
companions → pass → Lawrence
The course seemed carved directly into the craggy coastline, emerald-green fairways spilling toward reddish sand and the Atlantic beyond.
asserted
course → carve → sand
I could see how someone might happily lose an afternoon here.
uncertain
someone → see → afternoon
I’d spent the past year looking for ways to feel connected to my grandfather.
asserted
I → spend → grandfather
Standing there, surrounded by the game he loved, felt like a cosmic wink from him.
asserted
he → stand → him
So, on one of my free afternoons, I finally did the thing my grandfather had encouraged me to do for years: I signed up for a golf lesson.
asserted
I → do → lesson
And here’s the wedge,” my instructor, Adam Brown, explained as he handed me the clubs.
asserted
he → ’ → clubs
When he finally had me take my stance, I worried I’d make a fool of myself.
asserted
I → have → myself
And suddenly, I understood that this fear had probably been holding me back more than any notion that I didn’t belong here.
asserted
I → understand → notion
My grandfather hadn’t been born into the world I associated with golf either.
asserted
I → bear → golf
He was the son of Ukrainian immigrants, with an anglicized name — Jerry — because people struggled to pronounce Jaroslaw Jaworski.
asserted
people → struggle → Jaworski
He grew up in a blue-collar home; his father worked as a meat processor.
asserted
father → grow → processor
Maybe belonging was something he had to learn, too.
asserted
he → have → ?
But my short time at the resort was already undoing my assumptions: I saw young women, couples and plenty of others who didn’t fit the image of retired country-club golfers I’d imagined.
asserted
I → undo → golfers
So perhaps I wasn’t scared by the idea of not belonging.
asserted
I → belong → idea
I remembered the old adage that no one is paying nearly as much attention to you as you think they are.
asserted
they → remember → you
With my right hip kicked slightly out, my pinkies linked around the grip and my eyes fixed on the ball, everything else fell away.
asserted
everything → kick → ball
I swung.
asserted
I → swing → ?
This time, the club connected.
asserted
club → connect → ?
…and 13 more, not listed.
The Aporia
