Last year, my husband of 15 years left me for a younger woman.
asserted
husband → leave → woman
She’s not a colleague, the wife of a friend or even someone he met online.
asserted
he → ’ → friend
The man she called ‘Dad’ since he came into her life aged 12, who held her hand as she walked to school and gave her away on her wedding day, is now her ‘boyfriend’.
asserted
she → call → day
For almost a year, they have been living together in a rented apartment not far from our family home, where I still live with three of my other four children.
asserted
I → live → children
If your first reaction is to assume their relationship must surely be illegal, you’d be wrong.
asserted
you → assume → ?
It’s what I, and others around me, instinctively thought too after discovering their illicit relationship.
asserted
I → ’ → relationship
I was certain the law would prohibit a man who’d stepped into a father role for a child from ever having a sexual relationship with her.
asserted
who → prohibit → her
In fact – while I view their union as on a par with incest and it has provoked disgust among family members and friends – in the eyes of the law, there’s nothing wrong with them being together.
asserted
them → view → law
They cannot marry, that at least is prohibited by legislation, but there’s nothing to stop a step-parent and stepchild having an intimate relationship, provided they are over the age of 18.
asserted
they → marry → 18
The same relationship would be illegal over the border in Scotland, where a separate criminal justice system operates.
asserted
system → operate → Scotland
Last year, my husband of 15 years left me for a younger woman.
asserted
husband → leave → woman
Horrifyingly, she is my daughter and his stepdaughter
It was last October that my world imploded when David, 42, and Jess, 28, left my home to openly and unapologetically start a new life together.
asserted
David → implode → life
My other children, all but one of whom are younger than Jess, have been devastated too – watching their stepfather and sister set up home – and left confused and upset by their new dynamic as romantic partners.
asserted
stepfather → devastate → partners
Most days feel like a nightmare I can’t wake up from.
asserted
I → feel → nightmare
I first met David, a retail manager, in 2010, ironically on Jess’s 12th birthday.
asserted
I → meet → birthday
That evening I’d gone for a few drinks with a friend in a local bar.
asserted
I → go → bar
Charming and chatty, David and I hit it off.
asserted
David → hit → it
At the time, I was a single, full-time mum with four children under the age of 15 from two previous relationships, including Jess’s dad whom I was divorced from.
asserted
I → include → whom
David, who is six years younger than me, didn’t have any children of his own.
asserted
who → have → own
Our relationship progressed quickly.
asserted
relationship → progress → ?
We married – he was 26 to my 32 – just a year later in 2011 before my youngest child, his biological son, was born the same year.
asserted
child → marry → 2011
I remember him saying early in our relationship: ‘Let me be their dad.’
asserted
me → remember → relationship
It was a powerful moment because when you’re a woman with children, of course you hope you’ll meet someone who will not only love you, but your kids too.
asserted
who → ’re → you
My children adored him and, after we married, chose to legally change their surname to his, so we were a ‘proper’ family unit with a shared identity.
asserted
we → adore → identity
As time passed, he really was more the father of the family than a stepfather, doing school runs, family outings at the weekends and movie nights at home.
asserted
he → pass → home
The kids – including Jess – called him ‘Dad’, not David.
asserted
kids → include → him
Now, I recoil in horror that I brought a man into my family’s life who could go on to do what David has done, constantly asking myself whether I missed some clue as to what lay ahead.
uncertain
what → recoil → clue
David’s father/daughter relationship with Jess was a happy, normal one until she hit the teen years and her behaviour became more challenging.
asserted
behaviour → hit → years
He found it hard to cope with her moods.
asserted
it → find → moods
I don’t believe for a moment there was anything untoward going on at that time between them – it was just typical teenage/parent tensions.
asserted
it → believe → them
When she was 15, she began to split her time equally between our home and her biological father’s, and that helped relieve some of the pressure we’d all been feeling.
asserted
we → begin → pressure
She and I were always close – even when she was at her most difficult, nothing ever came between us.
asserted
was → come → us
Time passed and in her late teens she found a boyfriend and moved in with him.
asserted
she → pass → him
But she was still a regular visitor at home, joining David and me for family meals, and we spoke several times a day.
asserted
we → join → meals
We would argue, I felt he was emotionally abusive and I know I wasn’t always the easiest to live with either.
asserted
I → argue → ?
We had ups and downs and there were times I didn’t know if we’d make it but David was always adamant he wasn’t giving up on our marriage.
asserted
he → have → marriage
We did have a physical relationship but he wasn’t a man who was very expressive about his feelings, and I felt I was in a loveless marriage.
asserted
I → have → marriage
At the start of last year, Jess married and David gave her away, along with her biological father.
asserted
David → marry → father
Watching him give an emotional speech at the reception, I could hardly hold back my tears.
uncertain
I → watch → tears
It was such a special day and I loved seeing what a proud dad he was.
asserted
he → see → ?
…and 84 more, not listed.
The Aporia
