Each week Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions about workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute?
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Ferguson → tackle → Minute
I’ve noticed a marked decline in good manners in the workplace recently.
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I → notice → workplace
If I’m talking to a group of people at a work or networking function and a person approaches, I always step back a little to widen the circle to allow that person in.
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I → talk → person
Then, at the first break in conversation, I explain what the group is talking about, giving the newcomer an opportunity to contribute.
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group → explain → opportunity
However, at a recent cocktail party at a weekend conference, I wandered from circle to circle, and no one let me in.
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me → wander → circle
I ended up going back to my room and going to bed.
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I → end → bed
How can we improve this?
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we → improve → this
If this happened once, then you could put it down to an engrossed or socially oblivious group at the conference.
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you → happen → conference
But if this is something you find is happening repeatedly, it is worth considering – without spiralling into self-blame – whether there may be an underlying reason.
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it → find → blame
I agree good manners require others to make room for someone to join a conversation.
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someone → agree → conversation
Likewise, self-awareness requires occasionally asking why they didn’t.
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they → require → ?
If anything happens like this more than a few times, I think it is healthy to ask ourselves if there is anything we might be inadvertently doing that causes people to react this way.
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people → happen → ourselves
Think honestly about whether you tend to join a conversation and then interrupt, dominate, correct people, complain, tell long stories or steer every discussion back to yourself.
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you → think → yourself
Do you approach networking as an exchange between equals, or as an opportunity to find someone useful?
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you → approach → someone
Sometimes we are excellent at opening the circle but less aware of the effect we have once inside it.
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we → open → it
Ask a trusted colleague who has seen you at these events for candid feedback: “I found it difficult to connect with people at the conference.
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it → ask → conference
Is there anything in the way I approach groups or participate in conversations that might be putting people off?”
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that → approach → people
My government workplace has been restructured, and my role is disappearing.
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role → restructure → ?
I can apply for a new position at my existing level, which I would probably secure, but I may also be offered a more senior industry role with similar pay.
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I → apply → pay
I live alone, enjoy the social side of work and worry that full-time remote work would become lonely.
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work → live → work
Should I pursue advancement or try my luck in the new government structure?
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I → pursue → structure
I wouldn’t dismiss the industry role just because of a fear of loneliness, but I wouldn’t ignore that risk either.
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I → dismiss → risk
Given you live alone, the social aspect of any position you accept is an incredibly important component of the offering and not just a “nice to have”.
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you → give → offering
Before you decide, I would try to find out as much as you can about what it means to be “entirely remote” and whether there is any possibility of working in an office environment.
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it → decide → environment
Try to speak to someone you know who works in the team and ask how often they meet face-to-face and what an ordinary week feels like.
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week → try → what
Once you have more information, you will be in a better position to compare the two offers.
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you → have → offers
Importantly, you won’t just be comparing the financial side but also whether you are likely to be able to build a genuine connection with your coworkers.
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you → compare → coworkers
Given how important that is for you, remaining in a government role might be a great fit.
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remaining → give → role
I am in my late fifties and have spent 15 years with a large multinational company, most recently in senior management reporting directly to a vice president.
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I → spend → president
For operational reasons, my team and I are being moved into another division and I will no longer report to a VP.
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I → move → VP
My salary will not change, but I regard this as a demotion and feel deeply hurt.
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I → change → demotion
I cannot afford to resign, so I plan to remain until retiring at 60 and quietly quit.
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I → afford → 60
Is that sensible, and how should I respond?
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I → respond → ?
First things first, it is worth establishing if you have actually been demoted.
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you → establish → ?
While it might feel like a demotion and I understand it is a blow to the ego, in such a large organisation, this could be a reshuffle for other reasons.
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this → feel → reasons
Ask your current VP directly for the operational rationale and whether this change is likely to affect your authority or career pathways in the business.
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change → ask → business
Second, develop a financial plan to make sure you are in a position to be able to retire at 60.
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you → develop → 60
Now is the time to speak to a financial advisor and explain the few years’ work you have left and what you need to get in place to fulfil that goal.
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you → speak → goal
You will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information.
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You → ask → name
Letters may be edited.
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Letters → edit → ?
The Aporia
