Modern dating seems so easy: more options than ever, devices to connect you, and loosened taboos and expectations.
asserted
dating → seem → you
But every single one of these transformations has made things more difficult, too: Potential partners start feeling more like products, it’s more difficult to hold boundaries and it’s paradoxically harder to settle down in an era of infinite choices.
asserted
it → make → choices
A majority of women say dating is harder today than ten years ago, and while just 7% of 35-year-old women had never been married in 1980, that number has climbed to 30% today.
asserted
number → say → %
In fact, Pew found in 2020 that 42% of never-married single Americans under 40 have never been in a committed relationship.
asserted
% → find → relationship
“I’ve definitely always been open to it, and I’ve gone through waves of really wanting to be in a relationship, and … feeling like something is wrong with me,” said Allie Duff, a 33-year-old with limited romantic experience.
asserted
Duff → go → experience
She’s one of four women in their 20s and 30s that The Post talked to who have never been in a serious relationship.
asserted
who → ’ → relationship
Allie Duff: ‘I’ve let go of the panic of not having a partner’
asserted
I → let → partner
At 33, Allie Duff has gone on dates and found herself in “situationships,” but she’s yet to have a boyfriend.
asserted
she → go → boyfriend
As each year passes, she said, the stigma grows.
asserted
stigma → pass → ?
“I don’t think I know anyone in real life who’s in a similar situation,” she told The Post.
asserted
she → think → Post
“I still hold a bit of shame around it and still feel a little embarrassed telling people about it….
asserted
I → hold → it
Are they gonna think something’s wrong with me?”
asserted
something → go → me
Duff, a florist based in Prince Edward County, Ontario, said living in a small community has made finding a partner difficult — as have men pushing 40 who still aren’t ready to settle down.
asserted
who → base → 40
I obviously eventually want to meet my person,” she said.
asserted
she → want → person
Duff has weathered the ebbs and flows of desire and despondency as she’s watched most of her friends get married and have kids, but she’s recently started revising her idea of what a good life can look like.
asserted
life → weather → what
“I did find it really hard to not get stuck in the comparison trap and feel like I was super behind in life,” she said.
asserted
she → find → life
“It honestly took me until getting into my 30s to realize that there is no timeline in the path of life.”
asserted
It → take → life
The longer she’s on her own, she noted, the harder it is to settle.
asserted
it → ’ → own
She has a fulfilling life on her own, filled with friends, family, and travel.
asserted
She → have → friends
“[Women are] starting to kind of step into our own power and are realizing, actually maybe we don’t have to have a man to do all these things that we want to do,” she said.
asserted
she → start → that
“I’ve just tried to let go of the pressure of feeling like, ‘Oh my gosh, I have to find someone to be with,’ and just let go of the panic around it.”
asserted
I → try → it
Avery Arnett: ‘Modern dating is out of sync with my values’
The 21-year-old has gone through her life thus far without having a boyfriend — or sex.
asserted
old → go → boyfriend
She wants love, but her personal standards are mismatched with a fast-paced, hyper-sexual dating market.
asserted
standards → want → market
“I plan on being a virgin until I find the right person, maybe until marriage,” Arnett, an aspiring pilot in flight school in Fort Worth, Texas, said.
asserted
Arnett → plan → Worth
She’s tried the dating apps, but she’s found the sexual pressure intolerable.
asserted
pressure → try → apps
“There’s lots of casual stuff going on [and] I don’t really see a lot of people compromising on that,” Arnett, who is a nondenominational Christian, said.
asserted
who → ’ → that
“[Girls] will have sex on, like, the first hangout, and then it’s like, ‘Well, I still don’t know if he really likes me.’
asserted
he → have → me
Still, she’s worried that, as she gets further into her 20s, she’s missing out on the life lessons of being in a relationship.
asserted
she → ’ → relationship
“I don’t know how I would function in a romantic relationship, because it’s something I’ve never experienced — like, on a day-to-day basis, what would that look like?
asserted
that → know → what
I just have no idea,” she said.
asserted
she → have → idea
“I can only do so much self-work, and those are things that I can only learn in a relationship.”
asserted
I → do → relationship
But, Arnett said the “toxic relationships” of her friends and acquaintances have made her more selective and more suspicious.
asserted
her → say → friends
“I just have a really hard time trusting a guy, because you’ll be talking to him, and then all of a sudden you find out he has a girlfriend, or he is talking to other women,” she explained.
asserted
she → have → women
“I really, really want to date, but I’ve learned from other people’s mistakes.
asserted
I → want → mistakes
I’m just not going to fall for that or settle.
asserted
I → go → that
I made it this long.
asserted
it → make → ?
I can stick it out for a bit more.”
asserted
I → stick → bit
Mikkinzie Stokes: ‘Everyone keeps asking if I have a boyfriend yet’
asserted
I → keep → boyfriend
A lifetime without love has made 30-year-old Mikkinzie Stokes insecure about being wanted — but also less willing to compromise on what she wants.
asserted
she → make → what
The marketing professional from Central Illinois has only been on a handful of dates in her life, and they’ve never progressed to anything serious.
asserted
they → progress → anything
…and 22 more, not listed.
The Aporia
