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If you've ever asked someone how their weekend was, simply so you can launch into a long story about your own, you may be a 'boomerasker'.
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you → see → own
These are people who ask a question, briefly listen to the other person's response, and then answer the question themselves, bringing the conversation back to them like a 'boomerang'.
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who → ask → boomerang
Now an expert on this unappealing conversational style has published new advice to stop us doing it.
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us → publish → it
Dr Michael Yeomans, from Imperial College London, who helped to coin the term boomerasker in a study last year, warns that asking a question of someone to introduce a subject you want to talk about, only to gloss over their response, appears sneaky and insincere to others, and makes you less likeable than if you simply talked about yourself from the beginning.
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you → help → beginning
In his advice article, published by Imperial Business School, Dr Yeomans says people can break away from boomerasking by practising asking questions they can't answer themselves, to curb the impulse of turning the conversation back to themselves.
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they → publish → themselves
That could mean, for example, asking another person about their pets if you have no pet of your own.
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you → mean → own
He also advises people to work on 'showing real interest', which could involve practising asking follow-up questions or comments to show you've understood what someone has just said.
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someone → advise → what
Another tip is to try to stay focused for one more 'round' – where someone who feels the urge to talk about themselves takes turns speaking with the other person for another 'round' before turning the conversation back to themselves.
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who → try → themselves
If you've ever asked someone how their weekend was, simply so you can launch into a long story about your own, you may be a 'boomerasker'
uncertain
you → ask → own
Dr Yeomans, Associate Professor of Behavioural Science at Imperial Business School, said: 'I think boomerasking is eternal and deeply human.
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boomerasking → say → School
People want to disclose things about themselves, and they're typically not good at listening.
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they → want → listening
'But there are ways to do both of these things, and I think we can all learn to be less of a boomerasker.
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we → be → boomerasker
'Boomerasking questions are typically topic starters like 'how was your weekend' that you could ask anyone at any time.
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you → ask → time
Follow-up questions require context, and therefore they prove that you were listening to what was said before.'
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what → follow → context
The study on boomerasking co-authored by Dr Yeomans last year, and published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, surveyed 302 people, finding two-thirds had experienced an example of boomerasking in the previous seven days.
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thirds → co → days
Further surveys of more than 1,800 people, which presented them with examples of boomerasking, found these people generally rated boomeraskers as less sincere and less likeable.
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people → present → boomeraskers
This was the case for three types of boomerasking, including 'ask-bragging' – where someone asks a question so they can show off, like asking someone how their day is going so they can tell them they have a promotion.
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they → include → promotion
The other types were 'ask-complaining', such as asking how someone is just so you can complain at length how busy and tired you are, and 'ask-sharing', which means asking a question so you can share neutral information like a dream you had last night.
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you → complain → dream
Dr Yeomans set out to produce simple tips to help people break the boomerasking habit, in their personal and work lives.
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people → set → lives
He said: 'Realising you're asking questions and then dismissing, or failing to listen to the response, is the first step to improving.
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you → say → response
It can help to show real interest, so you can practise asking follow-up questions or making comments that show you've understood what someone has said.
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someone → help → what
'And try to be more curious about other people, so you can learn from them, stop boomerasking, and just start asking people about themselves.'
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you → try → themselves
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