An Asian woman in New Zealand describes her experiences with romantic relationships and the impact of being fetishized, often referred to as "yellow fever." She recounts feeling unwanted due to not fitting Eurocentric beauty standards and then becoming an object of desire because of her ethnicity. The article details how she was frequently catcalled and experienced inappropriate comments from partners who had a strong attraction to Asian women, leading her to question the authenticity of their interest in her as a person.
Written locally by qwen2.5:14b on 2026-10-06,
using this article's own text rather than the other coverage of the
same event (that is the story summary below).
Story summary
Kelly Lim Harris, an Asian woman born to a Malaysian Chinese mother and New Zealand-European father, reflects on her experiences being fetishized as part of what she calls "yellow fever." This term describes white men's strong sexual attraction towards East or South-East Asian women. Throughout her career, Harris has often been typecast into stereotypical roles: either the submissive "lotus blossom" or the manipulative and hyper-sexualized "dragon lady."
Harris discusses being in relationships where she felt something was amiss due to signs like an interest in Asian pornography, indicating a problematic dynamic beyond mere preference. She grew up in New Zealand during a time when multiculturalism was less accepted, facing bullying and isolation as someone who did not fit the majority's aesthetic norms.
These experiences led Harris to question her self-worth, even thinking she must be unattractive since people saw her through these stereotypical lenses rather than appreciating her for who she truly is.
Written for “Surviving Fetishisation Abuse” on 2026-10-06,
grounded in this article and the 0 other(s) covering the same event.
Do you love me, or the idea of me?
asserted
you → love → me
As an Asian woman, this question haunts me every time I enter a romantic relationship.
asserted
I → haunt → relationship
Who could blame me?
uncertain
Who → blame → me
I've been burnt too many times.
asserted
I → burn → ?
And it's all thanks to this thing called "yellow fever".
asserted
it → call → thing
As a self-professed recovered hopeless romantic, I would fall hard and fast, only to be left with a gnawing feeling that something was very wrong.
asserted
something → profess → feeling
Things like a predilection for Asian pornography pointed to something deeper and darker than a preference.
asserted
Things → point → preference
For a long time, it is something I ignored.
asserted
I → ignore → time
I thought I was ugly
I was born and raised in New Zealand to a Malaysian Chinese mother and New Zealand-European father.
asserted
I → think → mother
It was a time before K-pop and Wasian royalty — a time when bringing anything but a Vegemite sandwich to school was considered absurd.
asserted
bringing → bring → school
I was bullied.
asserted
I → bully → ?
I didn't have a lot of friends.
asserted
I → have → friends
And the ones I did have weren't white.
asserted
I → have → ?
A consummate over-achiever, people assumed I must have had a tiger mother, but quite the opposite was true.
asserted
opposite → assume → mother
My parents gave me an overabundance of love and never pushed me in the slightest.
asserted
parents → give → slightest
I pushed myself.
asserted
I → push → myself
It created a strange dissonance when I would visit family in Malaysia and Singapore with my mum.
asserted
I → create → mum
Every day I would have strangers tell me I was beautiful and my mum would respond, "it's because she's mixed".
My beauty was contingent on my proximity to whiteness.
asserted
beauty → have → whiteness
And back in New Zealand, I didn't have that.
asserted
I → have → that
I've since been able to educate my mum on how harmful her mindset was and I'm lucky she is so willing to learn and grow.
asserted
she → educate → mum
Together I'm proud of how we're untangling the knots of colonialism.
asserted
we → untangle → colonialism
For much of my life I thought I was ugly because I didn't fit Eurocentric beauty standards.
asserted
I → think → standards
And I wondered, who would want me?
asserted
who → wonder → me
An object of desire
When men started showing interest I was flattered by the attention, yet an unease followed me.
asserted
unease → start → me
A pattern emerged.
asserted
pattern → emerge → ?
They always seemed to have Asian ex-girlfriends, an interest in Asian culture, and a mindset that Asian women proved superior girlfriends, wives and mothers.
asserted
women → seem → girlfriends
In isolation these could all mean nothing, but together they pointed to that term, yellow fever.
uncertain
they → mean → term
How strange that the very thing I once thought deemed me undesirable, now turned me into an object of desire.
asserted
me → think → desire
Older men would ask me how much I was when I wore a cheongsam, a traditional Chinese dress.
asserted
I → ask → cheongsam
Younger men would joke about me being "slanted" down below.
asserted
me → joke → ?
I would be catcalled on the street that I looked like a geisha or told I looked like a little China doll.
asserted
I → catcall → doll
One boyfriend declared he liked me because I was "exotic but not too exotic".
asserted
I → declare → me
Others said they "just had a preference" for Asian girls.
asserted
they → say → girls
Why did I stay?
asserted
I → stay → ?
Part of me desperately wanted to believe that this attraction could turn to real love.
uncertain
attraction → want → love
I remember the night that changed.
asserted
that → remember → night
A man I was in a relationship with asked me to put on an accent.
asserted
I → ask → accent
I laughed it off, part horror, part shock.
asserted
I → laugh → it
But it broke me.
asserted
it → break → me
I realised that to these men I would never be more than a prop.
asserted
I → realise → prop
…and 18 more, not listed.
The Aporia