The scoreboard’s thermometer read an eye-popping 103ºF when Tarik Skubal took the mound for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and despite the oppressive heat that blanketed Chavez Ravine, I was just happy to be there.
asserted
I → read → Ravine
Dodgers tickets aren’t cheap during the regular season, and they can get stratospheric during the postseason.
asserted
they → get → postseason
Each progressive round seems to logarithmically escalate in price, with World Series tickets going for more than $2,000.
asserted
tickets → seem → 2,000
But on the eve of the first game of the National League Division Series between the Dodgers and Atlanta Braves, as The California Post reported, tickets were as low as $87, which meant the price of entry was 13 degrees lower than the expected scorching temperatures.
asserted
price → report → temperatures
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asserted
Report → start → news
The ticket prices were reasonable, of course, because it was going to be so insanely hot.
asserted
it → go → course
It was a Faustian bargain: Enjoy the athleticism of a generationally talented Dodgers team — but you’re forced to survive the fires of hell.
asserted
you → enjoy → hell
It was risking heatstroke-hospitalization to see extremely well-paid grown men play a game for children.
asserted
men → risk → children
Let me walk you through how I rationalized my medically inadvisable decision: Though a lifelong Dodger fan, I’d never been to a playoff game.
asserted
I → let → game
And two, given the inconvenient fact that I’m a journalist, I’ve never been able to afford a playoff ticket before, either.
asserted
I → give → ticket
I embraced the opportunity, and seized the face-melting day.
asserted
I → embrace → day
I live on the Westside, so I’m usually tricked into thinking the rest of LA is ten degrees cooler.
asserted
rest → live → LA
But the air conditioning in my car stopped being effective when I got to Koreatown.
asserted
I → stop → Koreatown
By the time I reached the car queue on Vin Scully Way, I remembered that prepaid playoff parking was $60, which was two-thirds the price of my ticket.
asserted
which → reach → ticket
As I emerged from my vehicle onto the Dodgers’ infamous asphalt parking lot sea, I was prepared.
asserted
I → emerge → sea
I brought a liter of water (the maximum allowed) in a clear plastic bag (the stadium-required accessory).
asserted
I → bring → bag
I had slathered so much SPF-70 on my body, I had become one with the sunscreen, sort of like how the guy in a later “Dune” novel eventually becomes a worm.
asserted
guy → slather → novel
To the venue’s credit, the stadium was handing out free bottled water at the entrance — a small price to pay to avoid the bad publicity of a paramedic swarm, I supposed.
asserted
I → hand → swarm
And I had been smart about it: Growing up partly in the DC area, my father had taken me to August homestands where the heat and swampy humidity made attending a Washington Nationals game one of the most disgusting experiences you could pay for.
uncertain
you → grow → experiences
But, as my Dad advised — if you could find a breeze, you’d make it.
uncertain
you → advise → it
So I bought a ticket at the top of the left-field reserve’s upper deck, where the airflow could pass behind me — of course, at risk of an altitudinal nosebleed.
uncertain
airflow → buy → nosebleed
But, I’d be protected by the awning.
asserted
I → protect → awning
What I hadn’t expected, and this was my rookie mistake, was that my seat, with the ungodly alphabetic designation of “JJ,” was adjacent to one of the pillars holding up the awning — therefore blocking my view of home plate and the batter.
asserted
seat → expect → plate
My Faustian bargain, doubled and squared.
asserted
bargain → double → ?
Contorting myself into a yoga pose, I leaned forward to see just enough out of one eye that I could pay attention, knowing full well my back was gonna hurt the next day.
uncertain
back → contort → attention
I had many questions going into the game: Would rental star Tarik Skubal, recently of Detroit, wilt in the heat?
asserted
Skubal → have → heat
Would my car dissolve into slag in the parking lot?
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car → dissolve → lot
Would I make it out alive?
asserted
I → make → it
Some highlights of a playoff game: It was my first time experiencing a military flyover; a B-52 rumbled overhead and cast an ominous shadow.
asserted
B-52 → experience → shadow
(You know those planes were designed to drop nukes, right?)
asserted
planes → know → nukes
It was nice that people were paying attention to the game, instead of trying to engineer a “wave” or pass around a beach ball, as regular season attendees like to do.
asserted
attendees → pay → ball
It was also nice that the Dodgers were winning.
asserted
Dodgers → win → ?
The crowd erupted when Teoscar Hernández hit a two-run homer, and booed when Braves catcher Sean Murphy hit a home run to halve the lead.
asserted
Murphy → erupt → lead
Around the fifth inning, however, my eyes began to glaze over.
asserted
eyes → begin → inning
Sweat emanated from the backs of my knees.
asserted
Sweat → emanate → knees
I looked around, and despite the intense heat, you could see just about the entire city from here.
uncertain
you → look → city
In the distance, I could see Mount Wilson’s observatory glimmer in the sun.
uncertain
observatory → see → sun
To the West, I could make out Century City’s towers.
uncertain
I → make → towers
And if I squinted, I could even make out Mount Baldy.
uncertain
I → squint → Baldy
I just couldn’t see home plate.
asserted
I → see → plate
…and 7 more, not listed.
The Aporia
