Every time Hunter Biden opens his mouth to indulge his newfound addiction to publicity, he confirms The Post’s reporting on his “laptop from hell.”
asserted
he → open → hell
For instance, he used to pretend that the corrupt Ukrainian energy company Burisma was paying him $1 million to sit on its board while his father was VP because of his expertise as a seasoned board member and learned lawyer.
asserted
father → use → member
Now he admits all he had to do was show up to a few meetings high on crack to collect the money.
asserted
he → admit → money
“The requirement of the board would be that I would show up for four meetings a year,” he told the addiction podcast “Dopey.”
asserted
he → show → podcast
“Even when I was a crack addict and out of my mind, I could show up for four meetings a year.”
You don’t say.
uncertain
You → show → meetings
That worked out to around $250,000 per board meeting, all expenses paid, in glamorous locales like Monaco or Paris or Dubai.
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expenses → work → Monaco
Cashing in on notoriety
He told “Dopey” there was no corruption, and yet, even though he didn’t have a real job and spent two years on a crack bender staying at expensive hotels like the Chateau Marmont, money would always materialize.
asserted
money → cash → Marmont
“A check would come in from somewhere, you know, and, and by the way, this is all during the time that, that, you know, the New York Post would have you believe, or MAGA would have you believe, that I was running some kind of international crime syndicate, and, you know, blah, blah, blah, I mean, it’s bulls–t.”
asserted
it → come → syndicate
It was an international influence-peddling scheme, to be accurate, and he ran it while Joe Biden was vice president, with his father’s knowledge and involvement.
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Biden → run → knowledge
The checks kept coming from Burisma even after his father’s vice presidency ended, although they were cut in half.
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they → come → half
Every week, Post columnist Miranda Devine sits down for exclusive and candid conversations with the most influential disruptors in Washington on ‘Pod Force One.’
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Devine → sit → One
The millions kept coming from the Chinese energy company CEFC, whose chairman was arrested in China and soon died in jail, not that Hunter cared.
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Hunter → come → jail
Now he wants to make money with the only thing he has left, his notoriety.
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he → want → thing
He really should be thanking us.
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He → thank → us
Hunter can’t keep The Post out of his mouth these days, so aggrieved is he that we spilled the beans on his dad’s corruption, as documented on his son’s laptop.
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we → keep → laptop
He still pretends the laptop that he abandoned at John Paul Mac Isaac’s Delaware repair shop is not real, despite the fact that the FBI took it into its possession in December 2019 and secretly verified that it belonged to him and had not been tampered with.
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it → pretend → him
“There really isn’t a laptop,” he tells gullible podcasters.
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he → tell → podcasters
“They held a laptop, which was not my laptop,” he says.
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he → hold → laptop
And perhaps the most farcical: “Not one single person has ever accused me of a crime based upon anything that was in or discovered as it relates to my laptop.
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it → accuse → laptop
In fact, prosecutors used material from his laptop in his 2024 Delaware gun trial when a jury convicted him on three felonies.
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jury → use → felonies
It was the same in his tax fraud case in California, when he pleaded guilty on the first day of jury selection.
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he → plead → selection
The only reason Hunter is not in jail is that his father gave him a pardon that extended back to 2014, the start of the Burisma grift, and covered the millions of dollars that flowed into Biden family coffers from Ukraine, China, Russia and elsewhere.
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that → give → Ukraine
But now he’s trying to make money from a meme coin named “$Laptop.”
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he → try → coin
Someone made almost a million dollars in a few minutes after it launched earlier this month, but Hunter said in a post on X: “I, personally, have not made a single dollar.”
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I → make → dollar
Of course he would never tell a lie.
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he → tell → lie
Four out of five crypto wallets that bought into Hunter’s meme coin lost money, according to a Datavault AI analysis that described the cryptocurrency launch as the “classic rug pull” in which insiders extract the value at launch and leave the chumps out of pocket.
uncertain
insiders → buy → pocket
One mystery trader using a pseudonym made about $930,000 in the first few minutes before the cryptocurrency collapsed, Datavault AI reported.
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AI → use → minutes
Hunter has been blaming the collapse on the market-maker — a firm hired to handle trading on crypto markets.
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Hunter → blame → markets
“There was a f–k-up [that] occurred in the first 30 seconds of launching the coin, in which the market maker, for some unknown goddamn reason, only put in $5,000 of liquidity.”
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maker → be → liquidity
But according to a source familiar with the project, there were very few genuine buyers of Hunter’s meme coin, other than a lot of bots and a few small gamblers, which is why initial liquidity was set low to stave off the scammers.
uncertain
liquidity → accord → scammers
“People weren’t really excited about Hunter Biden’s meme coin and were actually turned off by the idea,” says the source.
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source → turn → idea
Crypto traders were openly hostile before the launch, with one calling it an “utter embarrassment.”
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one → call → it
Hunter’s own Substack subscribers claimed only about 1 million of the 80 million free tokens set aside for them as of mid-September.
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subscribers → claim → September
Now he is diverting from his own grift by claiming that the Trump family is just as bad, and Democrats are looking for dirt to prove him right.
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him → divert → dirt
So it was manna from heaven when lefty activist outlet ProPublica broke the distasteful story that Putin-linked oligarch Umar Kremlev paid “hundreds of thousands” for First Son Don Jr.’s post-wedding festivities.
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Kremlev → break → festivities
Hypocritical media
That shows shocking judgment, at the very least, and deserves scrutiny.
But it’s galling that the same hypocritical media that buried the laptop and denied Biden wrongdoing now breathlessly recycles ProPublica’s dirt any chance it gets, in an effort to smear the president.
Utah Republican Sen. John Curtis wants to haul both Hunter and Don Jr. before the Senate to testify under oath.
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Curtis → show → oath
Let the chips fall where they may.
uncertain
they → let → ?
But nothing Don Jr. has done comes close to the lies and cover-ups the Biden family and their allies in the deep state used to protect Hunter and Joe: the FBI’s Round River operation sabotaging Senate oversight and hiding whistleblower complaints, the social media censorship, Biden’s DOJ meddling in the IRS investigation of Hunter, the CIA stonewalling and the 51 former intelligence officials lying that the laptop was Russian disinformation — just to list a few.
Joe Biden swore he knew nothing about his son’s multimillion-dollar influence-peddling schemes while dining with his foreign partners, joining his calls on speakerphone, and sharing in the spoils, then promised he wouldn’t pardon Hunter, until he did.
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he → do → Hunter
Let the media cover that for once.
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media → let → that
The Aporia
