I have money but I struggle to spend it.
asserted
I → have → it
There are times I do spend quite liberally; if I’m on a holiday, I might splurge because I do enjoy the feeling of freedom and abundance.
uncertain
I → be → freedom
But then I feel a lot of guilt and anxiety.
asserted
I → feel → guilt
I feel bad for wasting it.
asserted
I → feel → it
I question whether I really needed it.
asserted
I → question → it
I worry I’ve over-spent – even though I know I have enough, there’s always this feeling of like “well, you never know what could happen in the future – it’s always better to have more”.
uncertain
it → worry → more
How do I get over this?
asserted
I → get → this
This requires changing your psychological and emotional relationship with spending.
asserted
This → require → spending
Here are a few strategies I use to help clients create this shift.
asserted
clients → use → shift
Change your north star
If your goal is to keep growing your wealth, every time you spend money, it might feel like you’re going against that goal.
uncertain
you → change → goal
This creates an internal contradiction: if the goal is always “more wealth”, then any amount of spending feels wrong.
asserted
amount → create → spending
It makes sense to minimise all expenditure.
asserted
It → make → expenditure
Maybe this is what you’ve been taught it takes to build wealth: you have to put every spare dollar to work – never spend it.
asserted
you → teach → it
Spending is something to minimise and even eliminate – never to increase.
asserted
Spending → minimise → ?
If you want to feel good about spending, you have to have positive beliefs about spending.
asserted
you → want → spending
But what if the goal isn’t just to grow wealth, or have wealth?
asserted
goal → grow → wealth
What if the goal is to enjoy a wealthy experience of life?
asserted
goal → enjoy → life
Now, you’re playing a totally different game.
asserted
you → play → game
Now, you’re not just thinking about how to accumulate wealth – you’re also thinking about how to use your wealth to meaningfully impact your quality and experience of life.
asserted
you → think → life
Now, spending money is no longer contradictory to your end-goal – it’s integral to its accomplishment.
asserted
it → spend → accomplishment
Change your beliefs about ‘spending’
Your beliefs about spending will determine how you feel about it.
asserted
you → change → it
You can’t simultaneously believe spending is bad and then feel great about spending money.
asserted
spending → believe → money
Even if you do manage to splurge, you won’t feel good about it – your negative beliefs about spending won’t let you.
asserted
beliefs → manage → you
So what are the beliefs you have about spending?
asserted
you → have → spending
Maybe you think spending is wasteful, wrong, selfish, shallow, materialistic, irresponsible.
asserted
spending → think → ?
Maybe you associate spending with loss – you’re more focused on what you’re losing (money) as opposed to what you’re gaining (the thing you’re buying).
asserted
you → associate → what
Make a list of your beliefs and start to identify where you got these beliefs from.
asserted
you → make → beliefs
Maybe you borrowed some of these beliefs from your parents or learned them from social media.
asserted
you → borrow → media
Start to question these beliefs – are they really yours?
asserted
they → start → beliefs
Do they serve you, and the life you want to live?
asserted
you → serve → you
Are they consistent with the experience you want, of spending money?
asserted
you → want → money
If you want to feel good about spending, you have to have positive beliefs about spending.
asserted
you → want → beliefs
You have to believe that this is a positive thing to engage in.
asserted
this → have → ?
Change your identity
We don’t just have beliefs about spending; we also formulate beliefs about what our spending says about who we are.
asserted
we → change → what
This starts to form part of our identity over time.
asserted
This → start → time
Maybe you think of yourself as very financially responsible, a mindful conscientious spender, a frugal person, someone who doesn’t spend mindlessly, someone who is careful and calculated about how they spend their money, someone who is low-maintenance or doesn’t enjoy spending, someone who doesn’t need much or is a minimalist, and so on.
asserted
who → think → much
Those aren’t bad things – they have their advantages, and they’ve probably served you well in your goal of wealth accumulation.
asserted
they → have → accumulation
However, they’re not congruent with your desire to start enjoying spending money.
asserted
they → ’re → money
Now, if you suddenly start splurging, that’s going to go against who you believe you are as a person.
asserted
you → start → person
That isn’t going to feel good.
asserted
That → go → ?
…and 10 more, not listed.
The Aporia
