When Chamise Alston was ready to have a child, she connected her computer to her TV and scrolled through profiles with her best friend, dismissing people who seemed like the wrong fit.
asserted
who → have → fit
Unlike the average millennial on a dating app, Alston was scanning a sperm bank catalogue for potential donors.
asserted
Alston → scan → donors
The Maryland-based therapist hoped to conceive a child through the assisted reproductive technology in vitro-fertilization (IVF).
asserted
therapist → base → IVF
That winter day in 2023, Alston and her friend chose a donor who would help her become pregnant with her now 16-month-old daughter.
asserted
her → choose → daughter
As a Black woman, she felt empowered taking control of her reproductive destiny.
asserted
she → feel → destiny
“I always wanted to be a mom,” said 40-year-old Alston.
asserted
Alston → want → ?
“Once I realized that there was a route for me to be a mom, sans a relationship, that’s always been my mission.”
asserted
that → realize → relationship
Alston is part of a growing number of Black women opting to be single moms by choice (SMBC) through IVF, intrauterine insemination and adoption.
asserted
Alston → grow → IVF
Studies show that SMBCs are most likely to be financially stable, educated women in their late 30s.
asserted
SMBCs → show → 30s
While Black women who choose solo parenting fit a similar profile as their white peers, they face unique challenges.
asserted
they → choose → challenges
Along with navigating stigmas around Black single motherhood, they also contend with a limited number of Black and brown sperm donors, and sometimes face discriminatory experiences from hospital staff during labor and delivery.
asserted
they → navigate → labor
Considering these hardships, many Black SMBCs work to assemble a strong familial and social village of support.
asserted
SMBCs → consider → support
The Guardian spoke to several women who said that they rely on a community of family, friends, neighbors and other moms who assist them in raising their children.
asserted
who → speak → children
In-person and virtual networks such as Mocha Moms Inc and Single Mothers by Choice also provide them with tips and camaraderie with other parents.
asserted
networks → provide → parents
“I think we’re changing the narrative.
asserted
we → think → narrative
We’re going in eyes open, understanding what the expectations are of us, versus going in with a partnership and then being left to fend for [ourselves],” Alston said.
asserted
Alston → go → ourselves
“It’s showing for me that you don’t necessarily need a man to fill that void and help create your family.
asserted
you → show → family
It’s the family you make.”
asserted
you → ’ → ?
‘Safe haven’
Support from a virtual and in-person community has helped Jennifer Cruz throughout every step of her parenthood journey.
asserted
Support → help → journey
She’s a board member of Single Mothers by Choice, a national network for SMBCs founded in 1981.
asserted
She → ’ → 1981
The organization’s Facebook has 15,000 followers, and local chapters offer virtual and in-person meetups where single moms share tips and experiences.
asserted
moms → have → tips
Cruz, an Afro-Latina based in New York City, originally joined the group when she was first considering single motherhood at 29 years old in 2014.
asserted
she → base → 2014
Seeing other moms breastfeeding their children and attending doctor’s visits alone showed her that it was possible.
asserted
it → see → her
When Cruz first joined the meetings, held at a performance art center in Manhattan, she was the only woman of color in attendance.
asserted
she → join → attendance
But it became increasingly diverse when she led the New York City chapter from 2015 to 2020.
asserted
she → become → 2020
She’s shared with members everything from experiencing her baby’s first kick in utero, to raising a child with special needs.
asserted
She → share → needs
The special education teacher has an 11-year-old son conceived through IVF with a donor’s sperm, and a four-year-old daughter with her ex-husband.
asserted
teacher → have → husband
Cruz hopes to inspire other women who look like her to become single mothers by choice and to know that they won’t be alone.
asserted
they → hop → choice
“Hispanic women can do this too.
asserted
women → do → this
Black women can do this too, and it may not be the easiest path, but it is doable,” 41-year-old Cruz said.
uncertain
Cruz → do → this
“You don’t have to make choices of putting your career on hold or not being able to have kids because you can’t find someone.
asserted
you → have → someone
If this is something you truly feel is right for you, everyone should have that support to be able to do that.”
asserted
everyone → feel → that
Jamila Galloway, a 44-year-old marketing executive based in Washington DC, is proud to call herself a single mom by choice.
asserted
Galloway → base → choice
She decided to pursue solo motherhood while living alone in March 2020.
asserted
She → decide → March
Over the course of several years, Galloway completed nine intrauterine inseminations and eight IVF cycles that were covered by health insurance and a fertility fund through her job.
asserted
that → complete → job
After a long and complex journey, she welcomed her daughter through IVF six months ago.
asserted
she → welcome → IVF
Alston and Galloway, who are cousins, have communed with each other through the joys and trials of solo parenting.
asserted
who → commune → parenting
Galloway also finds camaraderie as a member of Mocha Moms Inc, a virtual and in-person national network for moms of color.
asserted
Galloway → find → color
She’s used the group’s Facebook page with 75,000 followers to research questions that she had during pregnancy and after delivery.
asserted
she → use → delivery
Some of the members were acquaintances she reconnected with after seeing their profiles on the page.
asserted
she → reconnecte → page
…and 34 more, not listed.
The Aporia
