A couple of months ago, I wrote a column imploring young people to keep trying to find love, to not become cynical about romance and avoid the temptation of the accursed “loneliness influencers” peddling antisocial behavior as some sort of newfangled experiment that no one had thought of before.
asserted
one → write → that
I stand here today saying, hey, I can’t be right all the time.
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I → stand → ?
Maybe it is better to be alone, since it costs a hell of a lot less.
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it → cost → less
Apparently, young people across the country are forgoing dating because it’s too damn expensive.
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it → forgo → dating
Or at least, I think they are, based on the multiple newspaper articles saying so that came out in the last two weeks.
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they → think → weeks
As the New York Times put it, the “prospect of a tab of $150 or more for two entrées, two drinks, an appetizer and tip” is too pricey for many gen Z singles.
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prospect → put → singles
I say, only $150?
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I → say → 150
Where are you going, Chili’s?
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you → go → ?
I went on a date with (shameful brag incoming) a very famous political figure from the late 90s and spent twice that amount, sending my bank account into cardiac arrest.
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I → go → arrest
I practically begged her to get dessert, even though it was clear our decade of age difference and general lack of chemistry meant I was better off going home and journaling about it.
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I → beg → it
I paid for the whole thing, and in return, I got an amazing story to tell at parties.
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I → pay → parties
Dating is akin to gambling, in that it costs a lot and there’s no guarantee you’ll get anything out of it.
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you → cost → it
I’m not suggesting that the money one spends on a date should entitle that person to love.
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one → suggest → love
That’s absurd and antithetical to the entire modern conception of romance as a mutual experience shared by two people with equal agency.
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That → ’ → agency
Rather, I’m saying that you’re better off enjoying the meal than worrying about the outcome.
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you → say → outcome
At least you’ll feel like you got your money’s worth.
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you → feel → worth
Numerous affordable date options exist: free museums, art galleries, parks, the beach.
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options → exist → ?
You can make anything a date, as long as it affords you the opportunity to assess compatibility.
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it → make → compatibility
Sitting in traffic on the 10 freeway at rush hour could be a date if you wanted it to be.
uncertain
it → sit → hour
You could stand outside a restaurant for 30 minutes and never go in.
uncertain
You → stand → minutes
You could ride an elevator in a large building up and down, then see if sparks fly.
uncertain
sparks → ride → building
If so, just hit the emergency button and spend the time waiting for the fire department, doing as you please.
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you → hit → department
The real problem isn’t if you’re both broke, though.
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you → ’re → ?
In that scenario, both participants in the relationship can agree to be thrifty.
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participants → agree → relationship
The trouble comes when one person is doing significantly better financially.
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person → come → ?
Self-employed creative types sometimes have down months (or in my case, years).
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types → employ → case
What started as a pairing of equals quickly turned into me wincing every time the check came.
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check → start → equals
Some think you absolutely shouldn’t date if you’re unemployed, that you should lock yourself in a cage and wear a chastity belt if you have to leave the house.
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you → think → house
I suppose that would at least save people the embarrassment I went through, as my savings dwindled and my girlfriend tried to reassure me that it was actually fine that she was paying for everything.
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she → suppose → everything
Better, then, to wait until your life is more settled and you can go back to blowing your money on extravagant evenings again.
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you → wait → evenings
I see the wisdom in that.
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I → see → that
A whole other human being requires not just your money, but your time and emotional support.
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being → require → money
With the economy as troubled as it is, more and more people are having to decide if they can actually afford to be in love, or if they’ll end up like me, a freeloader happy to take what he can get.
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he → have → what
At no point do people become perfect and wonderful and without actual problems.
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people → become → problems
If you wait for a signal that you’ve got it all figured out, life will pass you by.
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life → wait → you
Love just happens, if you open yourself up to it.
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you → happen → it
It might seem like gambling when you add up how much it costs to try, but it’s healthier to think about it as a part of the personal growth process.
uncertain
it → seem → process
It’s possible to meet someone who likes you, despite your having more fingers on your hands than dollars in your bank account.
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your → ’ → account
Isn’t that the ideal we’re all searching for anyway?
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we → search → ?
It’d be a lot easier with someone else to go through it with.
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It → go → it
…and 1 more, not listed.
The Aporia
