"We are not into bestiality," FBI Director Kash Patel told members of Congress yesterday, moments after assuring them that they were "not going to disqualify" any of the agency's "great canines" for engaging in sexual activity with FBI agents.
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they → tell → agents
You are reading Sex & Tech, from Elizabeth Nolan Brown.
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You → read → Brown
After watching this exchange from the hearing, I wondered for a moment if journalist Aaron Ruper, who had shared the clip, hadn't been taken in somehow by a deepfake.
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who → watch → deepfake
And as far as I can tell, it's not actually a defense of human-to-canine coupling, thank goodness.
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it → tell → coupling
It's just Patel handling questions about recent FBI policy changes in pretty much the worst way possible.
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It → handle → way
Let's back up a moment.
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's → let → ?
In August, the Associated Press reported that the FBI would no longer bar the hiring of agents who had paid for sex—with a human, I guess I should clarify—in the past.
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I → report → past
"The move away from an automatic disqualification falls along a continuum of evolving recruitment standards within federal law enforcement and at the buttoned-up bureau, which several years ago relaxed its approach to candidates' past marijuana use," noted the A.P.
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A.P. → fall → use
"The bureau still intends to dismiss applicants who are revealed during the vetting process to have engaged in prostitution within the last 10 years, three or more times overall or while in a position of trust such as public safety," according to an A.P. source who "spoke on condition of anonymity."
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who → intend → anonymity
The FBI has a long history of arresting people who pay for sexual activity and people who sell it, so I greeted the policy change with a hearty eye roll.
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I → have → roll
The agency isn't saying it will hire someone with a history of solicitation, merely that it won't treat this as automatically disqualifying in all circumstances.
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it → say → circumstances
Flash forward to Tuesday's Senate Judiciary Committee hearing, which was aimed at FBI oversight generally.
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which → flash → oversight
Sen. John Kennedy (R–La.) questioned Patel about recent hiring policy changes, which also removed automatic disqualification for applicants who had engaged in bestiality.
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who → question → bestiality
According to Patel, the change has a serious and sad rationale: accommodating applicants who had been forced to engage in heinous acts like bestiality in their youth.
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who → accord → youth
I can't imagine that this is a common hindrance to FBI employment.
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this → imagine → employment
(I hope not.)
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I → hope → ?
But if the FBI has to change its policy to accommodate even one such person—OK, fine.
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FBI → have → person
Patel also said that under the recent policy change, people who had been forced into prostitution could now be considered for FBI roles.
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who → say → roles
What I took his answers to mean was that the policy change simply says it's not automatically disqualifying to have prior experience with prostitution, and the FBI will consider individual circumstances when deciding whether it's actually disqualifying.
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it → take → circumstances
This could allow the FBI, at its discretion, to hire people who had been forced into prostitution but to reject some people who had a history of sex work or of paying sex workers.
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who → allow → workers
In general, Patel was pretty abysmal at handling Kennedy's questions about hiring policy changes.
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Patel → handle → changes
Because the regs wrote it up in a fashion—before I arrived—that addressed prostitution, bestiality, and trafficking.
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that → write → prostitution
They were there before I got there—"
Kennedy: "Yeah, but tell me what it said before."
Patel: "It automatically disqualified any individual who participated on either side of it.
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who → get → it
Obviously, we are never going to hire the criminals—"
Kennedy: "Each side of what, the bestiality?"
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we → go → what
Kennedy: "So you disqualified the animal?"
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you → disqualify → animal
I don't think we…
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I → think → ?
We have great canines, but we're not going to disqualify—"
Kennedy: "I understand."
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I → have → Kennedy
I don't understand.
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I → understand → ?
Was Patel trying to make a joke there, with the "great canines" bit?
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Patel → try → bit
If so, it seems in poor taste, and it falls flat.
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it → seem → taste
It also obfuscates what I think Patel was starting to actually say: that the previous policy punished people who forced others into things like prostitution or bestiality and people who were forced into these things (both sides).
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who → obfuscate → things
The exchange goes on:
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exchange → go → ?
Kennedy: "Why would you even get into bestiality?"
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you → get → bestiality
But a lot of these individuals—"
Kennedy: "I know you're not!
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you → know → individuals
But you changed—"
Patel: "But I'm trying to explain it, hang on—"
Kennedy: "You changed the qualifications and mentioned bestiality."
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You → change → bestiality
The back-and-forth was actually fairly typical for congressional hearings, during which whoever is in the hot seat hardly ever gets the time or space to adequately explain themselves and members of Congress usually seem more interested in hearing themselves grandstand than in gaining a genuine understanding.
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themselves → get → understanding
It's really kind of beautiful and hilarious to see a high-ranking official like Patel subject to the same sort of show-trial nonsense that private individuals hauled into congressional hearings are subjected to.
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individuals → see → hearings
I was almost starting to feel sorry for Patel here—until he reminded me that he's the head of the FBI by doing one of the most FBI things possible: wildly exaggerating about human trafficking.
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he → start → trafficking
Asked by Kennedy how someone could unintentionally participate in bestiality, Patel replied: "In a lot of these cases, when human traffickers—who are some of the worst individuals on planet earth—they don't just traffic you for prostitution, they traffic you for degrading acts of all kind, and they force you into that kind of conduct."
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they → ask → conduct
Patel is claiming that human traffickers frequently force their victims into having sex with animals.
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traffickers → claim → animals
…and 17 more, not listed.
The Aporia
