Russell Brand claimed his reputation had been so badly trashed by accusations in a television documentary that he was a sexual predator that all his old friends and former colleagues would 'no longer touch him with a barge pole'.
asserted
friends → claim → pole
But despite this, he still managed to bring an entourage of relatives, religious supporters and lookalike podcasters to his trial at London's Southwark Crown Court each day.
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he → manage → Court
The strange band of misfits were seen having regular pow wows in a disabled toilet close to the courtroom – the state of the British justice system is such that the large lavatory was converted into a consultation room as nowhere else suitable was available – or openly praying in corridors in search of divine intervention to help their 'messiah' friend Brand get through the case.
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friend → see → case
The former Hollywood actor and comedian, who has dabbled with Buddhism and Hinduism in the past, conveniently found God in April 2024 – seven months after allegations about his sexual misconduct with young women emerged in newspaper reports and on Channel 4's Dispatches.
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allegations → dabble → Dispatches
Brand trumpeted his conversion with a very public baptism in the River Thames by fellow Christian and adventurer Bear Grylls, then proceeded to cash in on his redemption by writing a book about it.
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Brand → trumpet → it
But after police launched an investigation and the heat on him grew, Brand, 51, moved his 39-year-old wife, Laura Gallacher – the daughter of legendary Scottish golfer and Ryder Cup captain Bernard Gallacher – and three young children to America, specifically Florida's 'redneck riviera,' where he began preaching in local churches, baptising followers from the beach and selling the story of his religious awakening to millions of paying subscribers to his podcast.
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he → launch → podcast
Several of those impressed by Brand's conversion have made the trip from the United States to the UK and spent the past four weeks by his side in court three at London's Southwark Crown Court.
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Several → impress → Court
On one occasion, one man was seen placing his hands on Brand and chanting a prayer in some kind of healing ritual, while another young woman paced up and down the hallway outside the courtroom muttering under her breath while clutching a string of rosary beads.
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woman → see → beads
Russell Brand and his wife, Laura Gallacher, arrive at Southwark Crown Court aided by bodyguard Joe McCann
Brand's manager and lookalike, Jake Smith, arriving at Southwark Crown Court
A cameraman has been filming Russell Brand during his trial for a documentary
Addiction counsellor David Fields, right, arrives at the trial with Brand
Brand with his manager Mr Smith, left, and Mr Fields
Brand with his bodyguard Mr McCann, a former sparring partner of heavyweight boxer Tyson Fury, on holiday in Costa Rica
Mr Fields, left, Mr McCann, second-right, and Brand pose with an unnamed man at the Trevi Fountain
A third man, a lawyer who bore an uncanny resemblance to former Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer, Brand simply addressed as 'Brother Tom.'
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Brand → arrive → Tom
Another doppelganger present almost every day was fellow Christian Jake Smith, Brand's lookalike American manager and singer, who also produces his podcast.
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who → produce → podcast
The father-of-six had a cameraman in tow and is rumoured to be helping Brand, a former drug and sex addict, make a documentary about his 'ordeal'.
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Brand → have → ordeal
David Fields, an entrepreneur and addiction counsellor who regularly appears on Brand's show, was also in attendance most days.
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who → appear → attendance
Another American, he also hosts his own podcast with controversial ex-US Navy Seal Eddie Gallagher, in which they interview guests with 'amazing stories' of forgiveness and redemption.
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they → host → forgiveness
A former sparring partner of world heavyweight boxing champion Tyson Fury, Mr McCann would exit the people carrier ahead of Brand and his wife, gruffly clearing press photographers out of the way for them to get into the building each day.
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them → exit → building
Also a believer, Mr McCann, who like Brand says he is 'living sober,' has a passion for boxing and fitness as well as 'meditation and yoga,' according to his social media.
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he → say → media
He was first pictured with Brand in 2022 and posts on his Instagram page show the pair, along with Mr Fields, on a 'pilgrimage' to Rome, where they visited the Vatican together, in March last year.
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they → picture → March
Ms Gallacher, who gave evidence in her husband's defence, was also dutifully by his side almost every day, as more intermittently was his 82-year-old father, Ron.
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father → give → side
She told the jury that – despite cheating on her early on in their romance – Brand was now an 'amazing' husband.
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Brand → tell → romance
Ms Gallacher frowned when details of the size of Brand's 'not well-endowed' manhood were discussed during the evidence, although it's unlikely that Mr Brand Sr was at all embarrassed at having to listen to intricate details of his son's sexual habits in such a public forum.
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Sr → frown → forum
According to Brand's 2007 autobiography, My Booky Wook, his father allowed him access to his library of pornographic magazines and films while at primary school and also introduced him to prostitutes aged just 17 during a holiday to Hong Kong.
Mr Brand Sr was also overheard laughing on the telephone to a friend and saying, 'Of course they (the victims) consented,' before the jury returned with their verdicts.
uncertain
jury → accord → verdicts
The Aporia
