Iwas 18 years old but basically a boy when I played my first senior football match.
asserted
I → play → match
A stripling with a barely broken voice, I’d just finished year 12, never had a girlfriend, and didn’t know what to expect playing alongside grown men in the southeast suburbs of Melbourne.
asserted
I → finish → Melbourne
Yet this sporting season would become, I realise now, 30 years later, my introduction to manhood, or masculinity.
asserted
I → become → manhood
It was football-club masculinity – a way of being a man that felt imperious, muscular and unquestioned.
asserted
that → feel → ?
It was mine to be had, and that was exciting.
asserted
that → have → ?
I remember every formative moment.
asserted
I → remember → moment
I remember playing a wintry away game at a ground nicknamed “The House of Pain”, and elbowing an opponent in front of their hostile, boozy crowd.
asserted
I → remember → crowd
I took my cue from the lads to antagonise the booing and braying masses further, by grinning and raising two middle fingers.
asserted
I → take → fingers
Bottles were thrown at me when we won.
asserted
we → throw → me
I remember a pair of brothers on my team who were funny and wild.
asserted
who → remember → team
They were big and had trained as boxers and occasionally – when singing the club song in the rooms after such wins – they would strip naked and dance in the middle, beer and water thrown over them while we all laughed at their floppy, unselfconscious spectacle.
asserted
we → train → spectacle
And I remember the time I was showering after a game, in a darkened concrete space, and a veteran midfielder walked in and saw me and my shoulder-length hair from behind.
asserted
midfielder → remember → behind
“F--- me, mate!” he roared.
asserted
he → f--- → me
“You look like a chick from the back.
asserted
You → look → back
Lucky I didn’t bend you over!”
asserted
I → bend → you
The biggest moments and revelations that year seemed to come at the fraught intersection of sport and sex, men and women, which was bewildering and awkward in so many ways.
asserted
which → seem → ways
I remember how we commandeered the streetscape, catcalling girls in cars and girls in bars – girls alone and girls with partners – all of us insulated and emboldened in the anonymity and impunity of our group.
asserted
all → remember → group
I remember a pub with two topless barmaids, each with a glass jug held up between their breasts, soliciting tips for a performance on a short riser in the front bar with blackened windows.
asserted
I → remember → windows
And I remember getting back to the hotel after 48 hours of binge-drinking, ready to shut my eyes, but they were wide open now, drunk on a cocktail of alcohol and youth and the communal seedy strut of the fellas in full flight.
asserted
they → remember → flight
We were flying out the next day, actually, and I had a question about the itinerary, so I jogged down the hall to the room of a genial defender, who opened the door with a benign smile.
asserted
who → fly → smile
“Yes, mate?” he asked, but I didn’t know what to say – I couldn’t even speak –
asserted
I → ask → what
because beyond him, on a freshly made pair of queen beds, were those same barmaids, rhythmically writhing, contorting their naked bodies and supplicating themselves for half a dozen men.
asserted
barmaids → make → men
Men I knew to be husbands and fathers.
asserted
I → know → ?
Men who now stood nude, stroking themselves with one hand, in readiness for whatever came next.
asserted
whatever → stand → readiness
Thirty years later, I can see that background scene in cinematic slow motion.
asserted
I → see → motion
But mostly I see the foreground, and the way the player who opened the door looked at me.
asserted
who → see → me
Unhurried, unembarrassed and untroubled, he waited for me to gather my thoughts as if nothing strange was happening at all – as if happy to chat about the weather, or direct me to the ice machine.
asserted
nothing → wait → machine
“Never mind,” I said, nodding slowly.
asserted
I → mind → ?
“It’s OK.
asserted
It → ’ → ?
It’s not really OK, of course.
asserted
It → ’ → course
It’s not new, either.
asserted
It → ’ → ?
Nor is it confined to any one level of sport.
asserted
it → confine → sport
And it’s probably not going away soon.
asserted
it → go → ?
The Sydney Swans saga is merely the latest murky instalment in a long history of problematic conduct and questionable decision-making at the troublesome junction of athletes and sex, but it also prompts a question: Does football club culture foster disrespect towards women?
asserted
culture → prompt → women
Ask a few dozen people within the world of sport, as Good Weekend did, and you emerge with answers but mostly more questions.
asserted
you → ask → answers
How does it manifest?
asserted
it → manifest → ?
Who’s responsible and how does sport respond?
asserted
sport → ’ → ?
Is anything changing?
asserted
anything → change → ?
If not, why not – and how can we make that happen?
asserted
that → make → ?
This story isn’t about the five players at the centre of the aforementioned news, but let’s use that as our starting point.
asserted
’s → use → point
…and 223 more, not listed.
The Aporia
