'Nightcaps' is a daily column that catches you up on the biggest sports, news and culture stories you may have missed while pretending to do work at your desk.
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you → catch → desk
It runs Monday-Friday on OutKick.com.
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It → run → OutKick.com
Feels like we just started what is, objectively, the greatest month of the year — and now it's just about over.
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it → feel → year
You know what's even worse?
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what → know → ?
Look at what I walked into at the Lowe's down the street yesterday afternoon:
Disgusting behavior.
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I → look → behavior
I get it, by the way.
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I → get → way
Don't get me wrong.
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me → get → ?
Save your, "This is how advertising works!" emails.
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advertising → save → emails
I know.
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I → know → ?
I gotcha.
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I → gotcha → ?
Doesn't make it any more palatable, though.
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it → make → ?
Lowe's has already turned the page on Halloween.
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Lowe → turn → Halloween
In fact, not pictured is the giant tent out in the parking lot that they've already got set up
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they → picture → that
As Mike Gundy once said, "Where are we at in society today?!"
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we → say → society
Anyway ...
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps — the one where Justin Herbert's fiancee, Madison Beer, hears it from sad Chargers fans during her performance at Disneyland.
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fiancee → welcome → Disneyland
I've also got Nic Cage portraying the late John Madden (I use 'portray' loosely), Rays fans under fire for being swallowed by Brewers fans, and OutKick legend Aileen Hnatiuk may have single-handedly willed Tampa to a Game 5 last night.
You'll see.
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You → get → Game
OK, grab you a pumpkin beer for our final Hump Day class of October, and let's get this show on the road.
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's → grab → road
As I've said, time ain't our side right now.
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time → say → ?
We've all got things to do and pumpkins to carve before Mariah Carey invades our homes for the next two months.
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Carey → get → months
So, let's start with the NFL ...
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's → let → NFL
If you would've told me in August that the Colts and Chargers would be the two most embarrassing teams in the league by Halloween, I would've said you were NUTS.
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you → tell → Halloween
I'd just naturally assume it was my Dolphins, but they've been more than respectable this season.
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they → assume → ?
Yesterday, the Colts started their fire-sale, and I assume the Chargers ain't far behind.
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Chargers → start → sale
They're coming off a bye week, and now get to play the Rams.
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They → come → Rams
When they lose, I wouldn't be surprised to see Mike McDaniel canned.
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McDaniel → lose → ?
Even as a miserable Dolphins fan who was ready to see McDaniel go, I'll admit, I'm a little shocked at just how bad they've looked on offense this season.
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they → see → offense
The answer, it seems, is neither.
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it → seem → ?
They both stink.
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They → stink → ?
Trust me, I have a ton of Herbert in fantasy this year, and my teams STINK.
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teams → trust → fantasy
He's looked genuinely terrible.
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He → look → ?
Which brings me to his fiancée, Madison Beer ...
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Which → bring → fiancée
And I ain't talking about Disneyland:
Where do we rank this Madden impression?
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we → talk → impression
"FIX THE CHARGERS!" has got to be such a deflating thing to hear if you're Madison Beer performing at Disneyland.
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Beer → fix → Disneyland
She signed on for a great season, and it's just been pure misery week in and week out.
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it → sign → season
We couldn't get enough of them.
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We → get → them
They had the NFL world wrapped around their fingers, and now she's having to deal with questions that should be directed at the front office.
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that → have → office
Surely it can't get any worse, right ...
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it → get → ?
Can't say I blame Justin here.
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I → say → Justin
Lord knows it's how I'd handle an 0-5 start.
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I → know → start
I respect the choice of beverage, too.
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I → respect → beverage
…and 32 more, not listed.
The Aporia
