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When a batsman reaches a century, cricket spectators stand and applaud.
asserted
spectators → publish → century
As Andy Burnham today reaches his 100th day as Prime Minister, few may feel the urge to leap up and honour that custom.
uncertain
few → reach → custom
The only things rising are questions and doubts and debt levels.
asserted
things → rise → ?
Was it really only 100 days ago that unhappy donkey Sir Keir Starmer was led to the glue factory?
asserted
Starmer → lead → factory
If the nasal knight already seems ancient history, so do his cronies: Lord Hermer, the squeaky international-law obsessive who was Sir Keir’s Attorney General; Rachel Reeves, the Chancellor Who Cried; David Lammy, the Mastermind contestant who thought Henry VIII was succeeded by Henry VII.
asserted
VIII → seem → VII
How we miss them.
asserted
we → miss → them
His adoring mum was in the crowd in Downing Street to greet him.
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mum → adore → him
His equally adoring wife Frankie gave up her marketing directorship at an electric-car-charging company to concentrate on supporting her spouse.
asserted
wife → give → spouse
She was going to be the new Jackie Kennedy.
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She → go → ?
Mr Burnham, once a Cabinet minister under Gordon Brown, had been out of national politics so long that he felt new.
asserted
he → feel → politics
The muddy accent, the brushed-forward Caesar hairdo, the black leisure wear: he was different from Starmer and not as awkward, although possibly less intellectual.
uncertain
he → brush → Starmer
Mr Burnham, once a Cabinet minister under Gordon Brown, had been out of national politics so long that he felt new.
asserted
he → feel → politics
He was different from Starmer and not as awkward, writes Quentin Letts
asserted
Letts → write → Starmer
After winning, Mr Burnham blithely said it was time for everything to change.
asserted
everything → win → ?
Most immediately that meant a new pair of running shorts.
asserted
that → mean → shorts
The old ones had shown too much inner (hairy) thigh
Right-hand woman Louise Haigh radiated a pub-moll’s menace, not least towards her dimwit colleague Lucy Powell.
asserted
woman → show → colleague
Linda and Janine in EastEnders have nothing on these two.
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Linda → have → two
And for all the talk about Mr Burnham being trustworthy, it was rum the way he entrusted the Treasury to John Healey, whose resignation as Defence Secretary had helped topple Starmer.
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resignation → entrust → Starmer
And jeepers, why did he appoint that snaggle-toothed maniac Ed Miliband to be Foreign Secretary?
asserted
maniac → appoint → ?
Some said getting Red Ed out of the energy department would allow Labour to drop Net Zero.
asserted
Labour → say → Net
Yet the new Secretary of State, Miatta Fahnbulleh, has proved almost as much of an eco-zealot.
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Secretary → prove → zealot
Red Ed, meanwhile, has been causing diplomatic chaos, shaking hands with an apparatchik from the murderous Iranian regime and imposing sanctions on Israel’s West Bank.
asserted
Ed → cause → Bank
The Netanyahu government retaliated by supporting Argentina’s claims to the Falklands.
uncertain
government → retaliate → Falklands
After winning June 18’s Makerfield by-election – on a promise not to reopen Brexit squabbles – Mr Burnham blithely said it was time for everything to change.
asserted
everything → win → squabbles
Most immediately that meant a new pair of running shorts.
asserted
that → mean → shorts
The old ones had shown too much inner (hairy) thigh.
asserted
ones → show → thigh
He also took the thrusting decision to open a new branch office of Whitehall in Manchester.
asserted
He → take → Manchester
This was to be called ‘No10 North’ and it had a splashy opening at which the country’s top civil servant, Dame Antonia Romeo, pawed at Mr Burnham like a hungry spaniel.
asserted
servant → call → spaniel
Since then ‘No10 North’ has largely disappeared from the news.
asserted
North → disappear → news
Its chief contribution to the economy so far has been to generate hefty bills in the form of rail fares to Manchester for London-based officials.
asserted
contribution → generate → officials
With Parliament going into recess as soon as he was in office, the new PM had a long and breezy summer.
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PM → go → summer
Two weeks into the new job, off he tottered on a foreign holiday.
asserted
he → totter → holiday
We were told that he would spend August on a ‘nationwide listening tour’.
asserted
he → tell → tour
After that, the ‘I’m Not Listening Tour’ rather fizzled out.
asserted
Tour → listen → that
In his first speech outside No10 (the one in London) he said he would end rough-sleeping.
asserted
he → say → sleeping
Having walked through central London, Liverpool, Brighton and Birmingham at night in recent weeks, I’d say there is little sign of that.
asserted
I → walk → that
Mr Burnham has boasted of lowering living costs.
asserted
Burnham → boast → costs
Prices have in fact risen since June.
asserted
Prices → rise → June
He wants to build more homes.
asserted
He → want → homes
The housing market has bombed.
asserted
market → bomb → ?
…and 79 more, not listed.
The Aporia
