When *Amy told three friends that she was cancelling her gym membership and wouldn’t be eating in restaurants for a while to focus on paying off debt, the silence was palpable.
asserted
silence → tell → debt
“These are friends I’ve had for a decade, but all I got back was blank stares and silence.
asserted
I → have → decade
It made me feel like I had overstepped a line by mentioning money,” the account manager from Melbourne admits.
asserted
manager → make → Melbourne
While Amy didn’t exactly talk money specifics with her friends, the fact was that her mortgage was increasingly difficult to cover after recent interest rate rises.
asserted
mortgage → talk → rises
“The strange looks they gave me made me wonder whether they were really my friends at all,” Amy admits.
asserted
Amy → give → me
While she wasn’t admitting she was poor, Amy was exposing financial difficulties that she hadn’t before, and was shocked by their silence.
asserted
she → admit → silence
Off limits
Money has long been a taboo topic socially, but that’s changing as many of us find ourselves caught in awkward conversations with friends and family (and in this economy, the lack thereof).
asserted
ourselves → change → economy
It can feel vulnerable to tell friends that you’re unable to cover the bills.
asserted
you → feel → bills
Dinner invitations on the weekend are great – if you can afford it.
asserted
you → afford → it
But it’s an expense many budgets just won’t stretch to these days.
asserted
budgets → ’ → ?
In an attempt not to offend our friends, many of us accompany the polite decline with an excuse or reason for not being able to attend.
asserted
many → offend → excuse
If you’re struggling financially, it’s understandable that you might not want to tell your friends.
uncertain
you → struggle → friends
But keeping up appearances could be difficult if you’re trying to pull back on spending, financial wellbeing expert, Jane Monica-Jones says.
uncertain
Jones → keep → spending
“It can feel vulnerable to tell friends that you’re unable to cover the bills.
asserted
you → feel → bills
The worry can be that revealing that could prompt some social friendships to pull away,” she says.
uncertain
she → reveal → friendships
Many social narratives suggest that you should have your money sorted, and if you haven’t, you can be left feeling like there’s something wrong with you, she says.
asserted
she → suggest → you
“Comparing ourselves to others can be very painful.
asserted
Comparing → compare → others
Some people who have a lot of money can feel shame, while those who don’t have a lot of money can also feel shame.”
asserted
who → have → shame
This is one of the reasons that it doesn’t feel right to share how much we earn with friends, Monica-Jones says.
asserted
Jones → feel → friends
Putting a number of what you’re worth in the workplace can establish a social pecking order that puts the higher earner at the top.
asserted
that → put → top
“The definition of success can be very narrow and is usually associated with money, regardless of whether we’re well liked in our community.
asserted
we → associate → community
The fact is that if we have a lot of money, we’re seen as successful.”
asserted
we → have → money
“If you’re not earning as much as your friends, you could feel that you’re not measuring up, which doesn’t feel psychologically safe for a lot of us,” she says.
uncertain
she → earn → us
Five ways to handle money conversations with friends
- Be positive: If you’re saving for something special, share it with your friend.
asserted
you → handle → friend
You could encourage them to be more financially responsible.
uncertain
You → encourage → them
- Split the bill: Avoid the awkward wait to pay for brunch by telling the waiter you’d like to split the bill, rather than telling your friend.
- Look for free events: Free events, Sunday morning walks, potluck dinners and Netflix nights in are great ways to hang out with a friend without it costing anything.
asserted
it → split → anything
- Don’t loan money: If you are struggling to make ends meet, resist the urge to ask a friend for a loan.
asserted
ends → loan → loan
If you do decide to help a friend out, only lend what you can afford to never get back.
asserted
you → decide → what
Keeping finances quiet prevents social comparisons, but are we doing ourselves a disservice?
asserted
we → keep → disservice
Sharing holiday deals and discounts or sales could help our friends, after all.
uncertain
Sharing → share → friends
While we don’t tend to discuss money with friends much, she has noticed people are more open about investing, which encourages greater understanding.
asserted
which → tend → understanding
“While I’m not praising crypto, it has democratised investing and got people talking about all types of investments in society.
asserted
people → praise → society
It’s a money topic that friends feel safe discussing,” she says.
asserted
she → ’ → that
Monica-Jones encourages people to be open about their salary with workplace colleagues to expose pay gaps.
asserted
Jones → encourage → gaps
“If we get a pay rise, it’s worth sharing the news with those around you at work.
asserted
it → get → work
At the end of the day, money shouldn’t come between good friends.
asserted
money → come → friends
And if it does, maybe you need some new ones.
asserted
you → do → ones
Amy, for one, is actively hunting.
asserted
Amy → hunt → one
“I joined a walking group last week and reckon I’ll have some new friends in no time.”
asserted
I → join → time
* Names have been changed
- Advice given in this article is general in nature and is not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products.
asserted
Advice → change → investing
…and 1 more, not listed.
The Aporia
